48 hours

Not to make anyone nervous or anything (Terry!), but I just looked at the clock and realized that 48 hours from now - unless I go into labor before then - we'll be in the OR about to meet our son. This ever-present awareness has made it hard to sleep the last few nights as we lie awake thinking about names... deadlines (Terry)... to-do lists and the physical recovery ahead (me)...

I am so thankful that we made it to this date, given the scare we had in May. 7 weeks of bedrest has been both a blessing and a marathon of waiting. But here we are. For me at least it's a lot less scary than last time. I feel more confident, knowledgeable, and prepared. I'm SO glad that I was able to do bedrest at home and not in the hospital this time. I am so thankful that my parents were able to be here taking care of me and Valerie and for all the help we have had from my in-laws and our babysitter! Thankful to all the people who have brought meals over - some more than once - and taken the time to check in and see how we're doing.

It's hard to believe, as I feel Baby Boy kicking around inside, that so little time is left in this gestation. I want to make sure to be mindful of these moments and enjoy them.

Soon and Very Soon

... we are going to meet our son! Hard to believe. He's wiggling away, an active boy, but there are no signs of labor so I'm pretty much assuming we're going to keep our cesarean date at the new hospital Wednesday morning.

Today I dressed V. in her patriotic 4th of July outfit so that people will think she's a local:

check-up

I had another check-up today with the specialist at Martha Jefferson, and he said he's "amazed" at how well we are doing! My proteinuria levels are basically back to normal, and my blood pressure is under control with the bedrest and medication. I'm supposed to continue as I am with frequent monitoring until delivery. We are now at 34 weeks and the baby looks great - estimated to weigh in at 6 lbs. 6 oz. Yay!!!

non-stress test and biophysical profile

Welcome to the world of prenatal monitoring! Here are two terms you may or may not be familiar with:

Non-stress test, or NST: The name of this test sent me to Google to find out what a "stress test" might be. There isn't such a thing, per se, but the non-stress test is in contrast to the contraction stress test (CST) where mild contractions are induced to see how the baby responds under those conditions. During an NST, there are two monitors strapped to the mother's belly: one at the top of the uterus to measure spontaneous contractions, and the other lower down to pick up the baby's heartbeat. I had a LOT of NSTs when I was hospitalized with Valerie, and now I'm to have them twice a week. Basically they graph the heart-rate in conjunction with movement, and want to see the baby's heart rate speed up and slow down as s/he moves more and less vigorously.

Our NST today earned a 10/10 rating, which is perfect - BBJ did great with the moving around and kicking and heart beating etc. The machine picked up one contraction, which I felt also - I don't always feel them because at this stage they are very sporadic and mild. They're called Braxton-Hicks contractions when they're not actually labor contractions. I was having a lot more of them earlier before going on bed-rest.

Biophysical Profile: this is a specific kind of ultrasound - not in terms of how it's done, but in terms of what they are measuring. They're looking for three markers of healthy baby: good amount of amniotic fluid, lungs moving (they practice breathing by inhaling amniotic fluid), and practicing sucking. They also measure head, femur, and abdomen to calculate weight (although this can be somewhat inaccurate). BBJ is measuring around 4 lbs 5 oz which is great for 32 weeks, and he's doing everything he's supposed to be doing in utero. And he's still a boy :-)

I'll be having these ultrasounds once a week until we deliver. And I'll be doing repeat urinalysis each week as well.

And if I needed proof that bed rest is where I need to be, I got it Saturday evening - we had a friend visiting from DC and even though I tried to suppress my hostessing urges, my BP was really high that night and then down again the next day to the range where it was before her visit. So, visitors are great - but I really do need to keep quiet and keep visits short, especially in the evening when combined with dinnertime and bedtime for Valerie I tend to expend more energy than I should.

Great news!!!

We got the lab results back - proteinuria down from 1,716 to 284!!!! Incredible! So thankful and glad and amazed. I'm to stay on bedrest at home and drink lots of fluids, keep monitoring blood pressure, and they'll see me on Monday.

still waiting

I took my re-do sample to the lab this morning, and they said they should have results "by the end of the day." So meantime, I'm just going to rest. It's been hard to sleep at night because I wake up to go to the bathroom, and then sometimes I have a hard time falling asleep again because my mind is spinning thinking about everything. But I thought to myself this morning, "I guess this is my labor." I will probably never have the chance to experience a normal labor and delivery, but this processing, preparation, and trying to work with my body is the closest I will get. And it is "work."

Overall, the emotional journey has been easier this time than last. I have a better idea what to expect. I'm not as terrified of the idea of a cesarean as I was last time (even though it wasn't what I wanted either time, and I was hoping to try for a VBAC with this one...). I like my doctors. What is most distressing to me is the idea of being away from Valerie for a long period of time (well, that and concern that Baby Boy Jantzi - aka BBJ - will end up in the NICU) and worrying about how she'll cope with me not being here for the morning and evening routines. But at the same time I know she will be well and lovingly cared for - we have a veritable village coming together with both sets of grandparents going to be here plus our very capable babysitter who V. is quite attached to as well.

There has been an overflow of loving support through the friends and family networks that I appreciate so much. People I haven't seen or talked to in years sending good wishes and praying for us. Thank you all so much. Your love is palpable.

Limbo

Disclaimer/warning: This post is all about me and my jug o' pee, so if you are of delicate sensibilities and prefer not to read about bodily fluids, feel free to skip this one! I'll just give you the bottom line up front: we are still in limbo and don't know whether I'll need to go on hospital bedrest or not.

***

One of the three markers for pre-eclampsia is the presence of protein in the urine. The other two are high blood pressure and swelling (edema) of the hands and feet. I have high blood pressure, although now I'm not meds that are keeping it in a better place. Last week I did a 24-hour urine catch and this week I'm doing one again.

The benchmark they are looking for is 300 milligrams of protein total in the sample. Anything under that doesn't count, and anything over that is considered a red flag for pre-eclampsia. Mine was 1,700. Yes, you read that right: almost six times the benchmark. Anything over a gram is considered Bad News and some doctors, I learned yesterday, will just go right ahead and deliver the baby immediately with that kind of result. I appreciate that my doctors are a little less alarmist and are willing to wait and see what the results of the second test might be.

If they are still above 1,000 milligrams, then I will be put on hospital bedrest - probably in Charlottesville, about an hour away from here - because they have a NICU and I'm only 31 weeks. If it's lower than that, I may have the option of bedrest at home (oh please oh please!) or at the local hospital (also preferable because easier to see Valerie). My biggest concern is being away from her...

Anyway, so this is how the 24-hour urine catch works: You get a plastic jug, and what they call a "hat" or "bonnet" - a plastic cup with sort of like wings on it, that you put on the toilet before you void (that's the term they use for peeing) your bladder, and it catches all the urine, which you then pour into the jug. The jug needs to be kept chilled. We used a small cooler packed with those frozen blocks that you keep in the freezer. That's it. You collect all your urine over a 24-hour period and then deliver it to the lab.

The convenient thing about the cooler is I can take the jug with me discreetly if I have to go out and about somewhere and continue the urine collection even if I'm not at home.

The inconvenient thing is I have to remember to put the cap back on the jug, which I am very prone to forget. It seems like the act of putting the "bonnet" back in the cooler feels to me like capping something and I feel like I've already packed up what I need to pack up. Or something.

So, today, just as I was arriving at the lab, I heard a slosh from inside the cooler and thought "uh-oh..." and indeed, when I opened it up, I found that I had left the cap off and spilled about a cup of fluid. I know, I know, GROSS. But also, hugely inconvenient. I feel like a prime idiot because now I have to do the test all over again, AND delay getting back the results. They said it wouldn't be accurate if they didn't have 100% of the fluid from the 24-hour period.

The thumping sound you hear is the sound of me banging my head against the wall.

Since I had to register as an outpatient for an accompanying blood draw (which we didn't do either), I kept the hospital band on my wrist in hopes it will remind me not to be so stupid again tomorrow.

So the wait continues.

Again

So here we go again... I've been tracking my blood pressure over the past couple of weeks, and it hasn't been great - flirting with the 140/90 line that raises red flags. So we did a 24-hour urine test and they found significant protein, which is another red flag. Luckily I do not have any swelling in my hands and feet, or other symptoms of pre-eclampsia, but the other two factors are cause for concern.

The plan at this point is to continue monitoring, to rest as much as possible, and to drink lots of liquids (something I never do enough). Today we got a look at the bambino via ultrasound and he's doing great, developing exactly as he should, heart rate and everything else right on track.

Pray I can hold out for another 6 weeks at least...

1 lb 1 oz

Yesterday we had our big anatomy ultrasound. I was happy that Terry was able to come with me since he missed all but one of the scans for Valerie. He marveled at the amount of research time and dollars invested in the development of this technology - it really is something else.

Everything looks good; they estimate the baby's weight at 1 lb. 1 oz. which is right on track for this point in the pregnancy. They measured the head, arms, legs, looked at the heart, kidneys, spine, and confirmed that yes, we ARE expecting a BOY! Terry was convinced that he counted seven toes but the tech and I only saw 5 per foot :-). His head is up behind my belly button and feet are moving all around, up by his head, then down kicking my bladder. We got a nice profile shot that shows a very recognizable Jantzi profile - a miniature Terry, just like Valerie (I know people say she looks more like me, but the profile is all Dad!).

Yesterday we also had the fun of seeing some old friends from Bolivia days and catching up on all the MCC Bolivia alum news (from the '90s anyway). Their youngest daughter is checking out EMU for college next year. Terry remembers when she was a 2-year-old who fell asleep on his lap on a road trip and then peed on him :-). A little forerunner of his future as a dad!

Today we're going to sign the papers to refinance our house so that we can charge a reasonable rent while we're gone and still cover the mortgage. Then in the afternoon I'll be interpreting for parent-teacher conferences at the local elementary school. I hope I still remember how to do that!

It really feels like spring this week, with balmy, sunny weather and crocuses popping up all over. You can see a faint reddish haze spreading over the bare branches of the trees as they begin to bud out. The snow is all gone, and the ground is mushy and wet. The sunshine feels WONDERFUL.

By Popular Demand

So a few people have been asking me to post more about the baby, so I thought it fitting to do that today, when we officially mark the halfway point of this pregnancy (!).

Actually I don't know all that much about what's going on with the baby, other than the daily kicks and wiggles I get periodically, which is always fun. Actually a few days ago Valerie was lying across my torso and, whereas I usually have to tell her, "don't kick your baby brother," this time I had to tell my belly, "Don't kick your big sister!" I doubt she noticed anything but it amused me.

In two more weeks I go in for the full anatomy scan, where they measure all the major body parts and check that the internal organs are developing properly. Hopefully we'll get some good pictures :-) That's usually the scan where you also have the option of finding out the sex, but since we had a fancy schmantzy 3D scan at 13 weeks we already know!

We have a short list of boy names in mind, which I plan to put up in the sidebar as a poll - so you can actually submit a vote for your favorite! Not that we'll use the results to choose a name (I have a pretty strong feeling for one of them in particular) but I'm kind of curious what people think.

As for the pregnancy from my point of view, it's been uneventful so far. My blood pressure readings have been lower than they were at this time in my previous pregnancy, which is reassuring, and chances are slim that I'll develop hypertension again. I had very mild symptoms in the first trimester, and even though I still seem to need a daily nap I think that has more to do with Valerie's night-waking than the pregnancy. This trimester I've been adapting to the growing belly, and feeding it well :-). I've not had really strong cravings, per se, although I've developed a greater-than-usual fondness for ice cream. Normally I'm pretty indifferent to ice cream, I could take it or leave it, don't really care, but now I'm going through a pint a week. And not really interested in the chocolate flavors. My favorite flavor right now is Ben & Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake. Cheesecake being another dessert that I'm normally indifferent to. So, Dairy! Yes, this baby is definitely a Jantzi!

I've sorted out all Valerie's old clothes and set aside the ones that are neutral or actually boy clothes, and we've got quite a lot for the first 6 months or so. After that it's pretty much all pink, or embellished with hearts and flowers. I'm working on a couple knitting projects - a purple sweater and a sky-blue hat - and soon plan to start a newborn set in green (socks, hat, and possibly vest if I have enough yarn). The green yarn I bought in Savannah right after finding out we were pregnant, for the new baby, before knowing the sex.

So that's a quick update.

wiggles

Started feeling the baby move over the past few days! Overall I'm feeling like this is easier the second time around; knowing what to expect, knowing better how to take care of myself. I'm eating much better than I did with Valerie, partly because I'm cooking and keeping around lots of healthy food for her, and partly because I eat at home most of the time instead of on campus (where it was a lot of cinnamon bagels and decaf soy lattes). So more fruits and vegetables this time.

Valerie has been going through another difficult phase with the sleep. For seven nights straight she fought bedtime (sometimes past 10 p.m.) PLUS would wake for about 2 hours sometime after midnight. Last night though she went down easily, was asleep by 9 (it tells you something that that felt like a major accomplishment) and only woke for about 45 minutes in the night. It seems like changing her diaper when she wakes up helps her get back to sleep more quickly. We're trying to be super-consistent with the night-time routine, and I want to see if we can creep bedtime to an earlier hour as well. The biggest challenge is getting enough food into her before bedtime. I've been tracking it, and it seems like it takes a good 2 hours for her to eat supper. I'm not kidding. That's how long it takes until she's full. Of course she doesn't sit in her high chair that whole time - she gets too bored - but whatever it takes to get food into her, I'll follow her around with her bowl and spoon as long as she keeps eating.

We're also making some adjustments with her childcare schedule so that the days are on a more predictable rhythm. Hopefully that will help. I hired a new babysitter 3 weeks ago who we love, but it's taking some time for V. to get used to having her come. I was having her come Tues/Thurs for 3 hours in the a.m. and 3 hours in the p.m., but I think it was too confusing for Valerie to have that split schedule. She never knows from one day to the next what's going to happen. So now we're going to have the sitter come 4 mornings a week - luckily her schedule is flexible enough that she can make that change. The afternoons are just tricky, anyway, with V's naps sometimes going long, and her waking up cranky sometimes too. I'm also hoping this change will allow us to start dinner earlier (like 5!) so we can move bedtime earlier too.

Hopefully this will all come together soon because Terry and I are POOPED and GRUMPY.

Announcement

Guess what? If you haven't heard already, Valerie is going to be a big sister! We were very surprised - and excited! - to learn shortly before Christmas that we are on our way to becoming a family of four. This week we move into the second trimester. So far I'm feeling pretty well, just some mild nausea especially in the evenings, and of course the daily naps. Our due date is July 19.

This Time Last Year...

Get ready for a photo-post extravaganza, counting down the days until Valerie is ONE YEAR OLD!!!

Remembering Last Year

This weekend last year, I had just moved back into my apartment after 3 weeks of bathroom renovation. Terry was about to get back from a teaching trip to Belize. I was 33 weeks along and getting really excited, thinking about how soon we might meet our baby - turned out it was sooner than I even expected! But not a moment too soon.

I never blogged about the actual series of events that led to my 3-week hospital bedrest, mostly because I had been giving family and friends e-mail and phone updates along the way. But then I started putting updates on the blog because there were just too many concerned people out there to keep them all updated individually.

Here is what I wrote on Monday, April 21, to the women who were planning my baby shower for the following weekend in Harrisonburg (I also went back and inserted it as a post in last year's archive):

~~~~~
So we're having a little (too much) excitement here - Friday night my feet were so swollen, that I decided to check my blood pressure. We bought a little home monitor back in December but I haven't really been using it since bp seemed to be back to normal during the whole second trimester. Well, it read really high again - around 160/110. They had told me that over 90 was cause for concern. So I took the day off on Saturday and just kept my feet up and drank a lot of water. Sunday Terry got back from Belize, and we went to a childbirth class. But still the blood pressure stayed high and the low-grade headache I'd had all weekend got really bad Sunday night. So this morning I called the ob/gyn, and they had me come in for b/p check and urine test. Even though the urine test was negative for protein, the b/p was still really high - 150/100. They recommended keeping me at the hospital overnight for 24 hours monitoring, and Terry thought that was a good idea so here I am! Thankfully they have wireless.

The good news is that the baby is doing great - they monitored the heartbeat for a couple hours, and also did an ultrasound so we could see all the parts again - it was cool because Terry hadn't seen any of the previous ones. It's growing right on track, moving vigorously, and seems not at all stressed out. Also, by 2 p.m. my blood pressure had dropped to something like 120/84, which is much much better. But I'm to stay here until tomorrow morning while they collect all my urine to check for enzymes.

I guess there has been a lot going on recently; the end of the semester always stresses me out, plus the remodeling of our bathroom has disrupted our routine and made kind of a mess in the apartment. Add to that all the baby things that are piling up, unassembled and chaotic - it's like a constant reminder of how much our lives are going to change, but without the feeling of preparedness, because it's all just a jumble. And I was worrying about Terry and all the travel and work he has going on. So maybe I just needed a "Time Out." Hopefully all is well and I can resume a regular schedule by Wednesday. They'll decide by tomorrow noon-ish. I really really hope I can come but will keep you posted either way. Take care, and big hugs from me - EEP

~~~~~
Brace yourself for lots more reminiscing in the four weeks to come until Valerie's first birthday...!

stress

Terry thinks he sees improvement, but I'm running on empty. Even two nights away didn't touch my exhaustion. This morning when I came home she nursed until she threw up again. She won't eat anything but cheerios. We're going to take her to the pediatrician on Friday and see if we can get some help there. I'm going to see my therapist this afternoon to talk about how to cope with the stress and frustration I'm feeling. My babysitters keep getting sick. Thank God for Grandma!

solipsism

I heard that some people were claiming that there are no pictures of me on this blog, so here you go :-)

little by little

Every day I'm able to do a little more. Yesterday I even cleaned the bathroom... of course, it took me like 3 hours because of all the self-interruptions!

I can almost watch Valerie growing before my eyes - like the Incredible Hulk, only not green. And much prettier! Her cord stump fell off yesterday so she can now start looking forward to her first bath!

She's also spending more time in "quiet alert" mode - unfortunately at very odd hours sometimes. But it is delicious.

So I realized that this is purportedly a knitting blog, but I never posted a picture of the one thing I knitted for her that she wears every day, this little hat:
The funny thing is that I didn't know at the time whether or not it was for her - I was working with pink yarn, and had a bunch left over, and then my sister found this pattern and so for lack of anything better to do while on bedrest (oh yeah - except grade papers) I made this hat. I thought that if we had a boy I could donate it to the hospital or something. Anyway, it fits her just perfectly.

Coming down the pike

1 day, 13 hours, and 45 minutes left until the OR.

How strange is that?

Terry and I had a long talk with the Doc last night, who is unwilling to let us postpone the cesarean (in hopes of the baby turning) or go to acupuncture (which is supposed to help turn baby) because of another high BP spike on Sunday morning (157/114). She just doesn't feel like the potential risks are worth the potential benefits.

So tomorrow we start the paperwork and other processing.

I feel like I have dealt with most of my fears, except perhaps the fear that we're making a big mistake by not just walking out of the hospital and insisting on doing this on our own terms, without major surgery. I feel like the baby is happy and doing well where s/he is, so why take him/her out right now?

On the other hand, I've read enough blogs to know that the potential risks are very real; babies and mothers have died as a result of pre-eclampsia. Even though I don't have pre-e now, it's such an unpredictable condition.

So it seems like erring on the "safe side" means giving myself up to the knife.

I can't imagine what it's going to be like to finally meet our baby.

News Flash: Grading Raises Blood Pressure!

I don't know if it's the sitting up, or the actual act of grading, but as the final round of term papers come in I'm trying to figure out how to get my work done while keeping BP low(er). Yesterday morning I sat up for two hours entering grades and downloading papers; by noon BP was 164/111. So after lunch I just lay in bed watching TV, and by 4 p.m. we were down to 128/84.

It probably makes a difference who is taking the BP, and which cuff they use, and even which arm... but I do see a pattern in higher BPs after grading sessions. So my plan is to limit myself to 45 minutes at a shot and take long breaks in between. Thanks goodness for ANTM marathons on the tube.

****
Last night Terry and I went downstairs to the cafeteria for a "date night" - we also took a turn around the gardens (they make me take a wheelchair). After dinner we came back upstairs and watched a movie on my laptop. It was fun :-)

Midweek

Tuesday was not a good day. High BPs, tired, just lay around all day with a headache.

Wednesday was a very good day. Had a visit from a family friend who prayed for me, another visit from a pal who brought flowers, lower BPs, felt much better.

Thursday was another good day. Lower BPs again, Terry brought me a mini carrot-cake (he had to one-up the flowers!), got to watch "Survivor."

Hoping for another good day tomorrow.