solipsism

I heard that some people were claiming that there are no pictures of me on this blog, so here you go :-)

Bjorn Identity

Friday looked like rain, but when the sun came out we decided to head downtown and check out the Ithaca Festival. Terry was keen to get me out into the world for a "mommy walk" (beyond the 20 lbs. I shed with her birth, I've only managed to lose 2 more in 5 weeks) and I was keen to check out some of the shops on the Commons. So off we went.

It was fun, although we got tired, and I ended up nursing her outside a sports bar, which felt a little awkward, so we headed home. And it started to rain... we had one umbrella between the three/four of us (my mom was along too), so the Baby Bjorn wearing person naturally got to take advantage of the shelter - finally we ducked into a library on campus to wait out the rain.

While lounging around there, little V. got hungry - so I went up to a conference room I know about on the 4th floor for some privacy. We were there all peaceful and nice, when suddenly she paused, froze, opened her eyes, and next thing I knew there was a warm wet patch spreading across my lap...

...and then the buzzer rang (LOUD!) for library closing in 30 minutes, and I looked outside and saw that it had started to hail...

I called Terry and he came up with the backpack we use as a diaper bag, which also packs spare T-shirts for both of us (but not pants). She had also pooped out the back of her diaper so a major clean-up was executed on the conference room floor... Fortunately, my shirt was long enough to cover the dampness on my pants...

It felt really good to get home into warm, dry clothes. Val and I both fell asleep and didn't wake up for another 3 hours!

Oh - note cute hat knit by a woman from our church! Thanks, KMS!

Stats

Length: 21 inches (56th percentile)
Weight: 7 lbs, 12 oz. (12th percentile)
Head circ: 14.5 inches (50th percentile)

She's growing! At her first appointment, she was in the 2nd percentile for weight...

We all put in our guesses ahead of time for what her weight would be:
Me: 7 lbs 5 oz
Terry: 8 lbs 1 oz
Mom (mine): 3.5 kilos
Dad (mine): 7 lbs 8 oz
Anita: 7 lbs 11 oz

So even though my mom was spot-on, and Anita next closest, Terry was still closer than me!

One month old!

Happy one-month, little V!

Tonight Terry was holding her and kept bursting into laughter, because her one hand kept finding its way into his armpit and tickling him.

Happy Father's Day!

her "real" birthday

Terry decided that June 5 was Valerie's "real" birthday, given that it was her "official" due date (according to the clinic; I always had it as June 3 but what do I know), so in honor of her being 3 weeks in this world we gave her a sponge bath! She didn't mind it much, up until the end. Here she is in all her glory! Every day she seems plumper and I could not be more pleased!

oh yes

... the swelling in my hands has finally gone down enough that I can wear my wedding ring again!!!

little by little

Every day I'm able to do a little more. Yesterday I even cleaned the bathroom... of course, it took me like 3 hours because of all the self-interruptions!

I can almost watch Valerie growing before my eyes - like the Incredible Hulk, only not green. And much prettier! Her cord stump fell off yesterday so she can now start looking forward to her first bath!

She's also spending more time in "quiet alert" mode - unfortunately at very odd hours sometimes. But it is delicious.

So I realized that this is purportedly a knitting blog, but I never posted a picture of the one thing I knitted for her that she wears every day, this little hat:
The funny thing is that I didn't know at the time whether or not it was for her - I was working with pink yarn, and had a bunch left over, and then my sister found this pattern and so for lack of anything better to do while on bedrest (oh yeah - except grade papers) I made this hat. I thought that if we had a boy I could donate it to the hospital or something. Anyway, it fits her just perfectly.

6 lbs. 1 oz!!!

We took Valerie in for her 2-week pediatric appointment today, and she has gained 11 oz. in the past week!! I am thrilled - I thought she looked bigger, but never thought it would be by that much! Two nights ago she hit a new level of HUNGRY - nursing at 10 p.m., 11, 12, and 1 a.m. and then again at 3 a.m. Then she let us sleep until 7.

Leave it to the Phantzis, though, to find a way to have a newborn and still stay in bed until noon... we have these great dark curtains that my sister put up for us, so after breakfast at around 7 Valerie and I just go back to bed...

(I know this picture is sideways)

at home

So we are home with little Valerie, safe and sound - here she is in "newborn" sized-diapers relaxing on the lambskin that was a gift from Wendy and Dave (we've switched to preemie size for now). Eats, sleeps, and poops! I am getting better by increments every day; the latest achievement is being able to get in and out of bed unassisted! Also, an increase in my blood pressure medication and going off the pain meds altogether has resulted in much better blood pressure readings - FINALLY! It will probably take from 6-12 weeks to get back to some semblance of normalcy, but for now I'll take what I can get. And now to bed, for anywhere from 1.5 to 4 hours until she's hungry again...

Please welcome...

Valerie Lynn Phelps Jantzi

Born by cesarean at approximately 9 a.m. on May 15, 2008
5 lbs. 10 oz., 18 inches long
Current status: sleeping!

Coming down the pike

1 day, 13 hours, and 45 minutes left until the OR.

How strange is that?

Terry and I had a long talk with the Doc last night, who is unwilling to let us postpone the cesarean (in hopes of the baby turning) or go to acupuncture (which is supposed to help turn baby) because of another high BP spike on Sunday morning (157/114). She just doesn't feel like the potential risks are worth the potential benefits.

So tomorrow we start the paperwork and other processing.

I feel like I have dealt with most of my fears, except perhaps the fear that we're making a big mistake by not just walking out of the hospital and insisting on doing this on our own terms, without major surgery. I feel like the baby is happy and doing well where s/he is, so why take him/her out right now?

On the other hand, I've read enough blogs to know that the potential risks are very real; babies and mothers have died as a result of pre-eclampsia. Even though I don't have pre-e now, it's such an unpredictable condition.

So it seems like erring on the "safe side" means giving myself up to the knife.

I can't imagine what it's going to be like to finally meet our baby.

News Flash: Grading Raises Blood Pressure!

I don't know if it's the sitting up, or the actual act of grading, but as the final round of term papers come in I'm trying to figure out how to get my work done while keeping BP low(er). Yesterday morning I sat up for two hours entering grades and downloading papers; by noon BP was 164/111. So after lunch I just lay in bed watching TV, and by 4 p.m. we were down to 128/84.

It probably makes a difference who is taking the BP, and which cuff they use, and even which arm... but I do see a pattern in higher BPs after grading sessions. So my plan is to limit myself to 45 minutes at a shot and take long breaks in between. Thanks goodness for ANTM marathons on the tube.

****
Last night Terry and I went downstairs to the cafeteria for a "date night" - we also took a turn around the gardens (they make me take a wheelchair). After dinner we came back upstairs and watched a movie on my laptop. It was fun :-)

Midweek

Tuesday was not a good day. High BPs, tired, just lay around all day with a headache.

Wednesday was a very good day. Had a visit from a family friend who prayed for me, another visit from a pal who brought flowers, lower BPs, felt much better.

Thursday was another good day. Lower BPs again, Terry brought me a mini carrot-cake (he had to one-up the flowers!), got to watch "Survivor."

Hoping for another good day tomorrow.

Solana-isms

Pointing at a child-sized hospital bed with metal bars that can be raised or lowered on all sides: "Who is that cage for?"

Long Day

Today felt like a long day. The usual rounds of monitoring and so forth were mostly all good news; BP still not where I'd like it to be though. Around mid-morning, the doctor popped in and announced that she's scheduling me for a c-section on May 15, then popped out again. I was slightly stunned, but also excited, and also disappointed, not sure what to feel really. I like to have a Plan. I like knowing what's going to happen next. Uncertainty makes me anxious. But at the same time, it did seem so final.

I called Terry; he had a lot of questions but the doc had already left to do other things.

After lunch Anita, Solana and I went out to the hospital gardens to relax in the dappled sunshine. Solana had fun running around the garden paths collecting dandelions for us while we talked and I let my hair dry in the sun. She declared herself a "baby tree climber" (some species of animal that eats leaves) and threw leaves into the little creek running through the garden. We colored and relaxed and watched ants collecting the crumbs from Solana's chips.

At about 4:00, Terry and I met with our doula to catch up on everything that's happened since my hospitalization. While we were talking, the doc came by again and was able to give us the whole run-down on their thinking, based on the measurements and monitoring they've been doing. Much better than just having me try to repeat all her explanations.

The bottom line is that there is still a gray area within which the cesarean might not happen: my BP would have to stay below 140/90 for a good long time, and the baby would have to decide to flip. The reason for scheduling the c-section is to reserve that time slot - it's easier to cancel one than it is to squeeze one in.

So, just taking it one day at a time. All that thinking though pretty much tired me out. And then I finally finished grading the current set of papers from the class I teach. Their re-writes are due next week; I told them that the original due date of May 13 still applies, but if they want to be certain that I grade them and not somebody else, then they need to get them in by May 9th. So it's a pretty short reprieve right now!

no news is good news

I'll post pictures soon, but wanted to post a quick update: no change.

I'm much more at peace with the situation now, however, and was so happy to be allowed to go to a shower that my friends here organized for me on Saturday. It was great having Anita there, as well as my aunt Cathie (who of course gave us books! My favorite thing!)

This afternoon Terry took me out for a spin in the hospital gardens since it was sunny and beautiful out.

Baby continues to look good in all the monitoring.

Long-lost relative

Meet Lucy Phelps! Yes, PHELPS!!! I'm not making it up, even though the name tag didn't really show up in the picture. It's pet therapy night again... and wouldn't you know, tonight's furbaby had a familiar name! I think I can see the family resemblance, actually. She's a Shi-tzu/Maltese mix. Cute! I hope my baby's not this hairy though :-)

Medical update

It's been a lot to process - but here is the current picture as best I understand it.

The Doc came in on Monday with a portable ultrasound machine to check on the baby's movement and the amniotic fluid. We could see it practicing breathing, sucking its fists, wiggling around, and plenty of fluid. All is well with the Critter! S/he seems perfectly content to hang out in the same breech position s/he's been in for over a month, elbow poking at my belly button.

We had a frank discussion about blood flow, placenta, contractions, and whatnot - as I understand it, I had a contraction while on the monitor the other day which showed that the baby "doesn't like" contractions. More specifically, the contraction seemed to compromise the blood flow to the Critter. Because high BP can also negatively impact blood flow through the placenta, that's additional cause for them to keep me here for regular monitoring. They ordered another 24-hour urine test, which came back yesterday still low for protein. In other words, I'm still in the the "gestational hypertension" category, not officially pre-eclampsia, although at least one of the Docs (I see three, on rotation) believes I will certainly develop actual pre-E at some point.

I don't mind the bedrest, and I don't mind being in the hospital. I even like the food, for the most part! What I do mind is hearing that even if the baby were to turn head-down, they'd still probably want to do a C-section because of concerns about blood flow during contractions. Assuming I don't get worse (e.g. progress into full pre-eclampsia), they'd want to do this at 37 weeks - two weeks from now. Having my sister here has brought me a long, long way closer to feeling ready for the baby as she is working on preparing the physical space and helping me figure out what "stuff" we still need. But mentally? I've never had major surgery, and frankly I'm pretty much scared spitless. But Terry is a very calming influence (believe it or not) :-)

What's encouraging are all the people who have rallied round with e-mails, phone calls (if I don't pick up when you call I'm probably on the monitor or in the bathroom!), offers of help, visits. I'm going to spend the next six months writing thank-you notes, I think!

A Trivial Martyrdom

I know some readers are going to snort sarcastically at this post, but it amuses me: early in this pregnancy I got my first real gray hair. Since being admitted to the hospital, I have found four more. This kid is already giving me gray hairs!

34 weeks, 5 days

Pictures

The good ones are from Anita's camera, the crummy ones are from my camera phone in the hospital. Look how smart Solana is, she plays chess at age 3! :-) (actually she just likes to arrange the pieces on the board over and over again).

Update

My sister is here! She got here this afternoon, having left GA Friday afternoon/evening. A long trip with a 3-year-old, but here they are! It's wonderful to see them both. I'll post pictures soon :-) We hung out this afternoon playing with beads (her new hobby) while Solana colored and sang songs to herself. It was a gorgeous day, and before they got here Terry and I hung out on the hospital grounds enjoying the sunshine and blossoming trees. It was very soothing and relaxing.

Now all have been dispatched and I'm wondering whether to try to grade a couple student papers that came in over the weekend.

BP is hanging out in the zone above where they'd let me go home (140/90 - although we do get below that, it doesn't stay) and where they'd want to deliver (160/110 - hasn't crossed that line since Thursday morning). Baby is stubbornly staying head-up, but we're trying some tricks to see if it will turn.

Previews

Last night at the hospital they asked if we'd like a visit from "pet therapy" - I'm on the pediatric ward, since maternity is full right now (I take this as a good sign - means delivery is not imminent!) We said sure, and they brought by this bunny! It was very quiet and gentle and such soft fur. So we got to practice petting a little fur-baby :-) Doesn't this picture just make your heart melt?

I've started on Christmas knitting already but I'm not telling who this is for :-) The color makes everyone ask if we're having a girl. We don't know yet, but the ultrasound tech knows... she wrote it down on a piece of paper and put it in a sealed envelope so we can find out whenever we want to. I'm kind of into the suspense, actually! The past 5 days have presented way too much new stuff to adjust to at this point.

Evidently

According to the ultrasound I had yesterday (long story), the actual position of the Critter is better reflected by rotating that image below by 180 degrees... what I thought was a knee is actually a shoulder! Such a tiny shoulder...

Cut and Pasted

E-mail written to a friend on April 21, 2008:
~~~~~
So we're having a little (too much) excitement here - Friday night my feet were so swollen, that I decided to check my blood pressure. We bought a little home monitor back in December but I haven't really been using it since bp seemed to be back to normal during the whole second trimester. Well, it read really high again - around 160/110. They had told me that over 90 was cause for concern. So I took the day off on Saturday and just kept my feet up and drank a lot of water. Sunday Terry got back from Belize, and we went to a childbirth class. But still the blood pressure stayed high and the low-grade headache I'd had all weekend got really bad Sunday night. So this morning I called the ob/gyn, and they had me come in for b/p check and urine test. Even though the urine test was negative for protein, the b/p was still really high - 150/100. They recommended keeping me at the hospital overnight for 24 hours monitoring, and Terry thought that was a good idea so here I am! Thankfully they have wireless.

The good news is that the baby is doing great - they monitored the heartbeat for a couple hours, and also did an ultrasound so we could see all the parts again - it was cool because Terry hadn't seen any of the previous ones. It's growing right on track, moving vigorously, and seems not at all stressed out. Also, by 2 p.m. my blood pressure had dropped to something like 120/84, which is much much better. But I'm to stay here until tomorrow morning while they collect all my urine to check for enzymes.

I guess there has been a lot going on recently; the end of the semester always stresses me out, plus the remodeling of our bathroom has disrupted our routine and made kind of a mess in the apartment. Add to that all the baby things that are piling up, unassembled and chaotic - it's like a constant reminder of how much our lives are going to change, but without the feeling of preparedness, because it's all just a jumble. And I was worrying about Terry and all the travel and work he has going on. So maybe I just needed a "Time Out." Hopefully all is well and I can resume a regular schedule by Wednesday. They'll decide by tomorrow noon-ish. I really really hope I can come but will keep you posted either way. Take care, and big hugs from me - EEP

Sketch

This sketch shows approximately how the Critter is oriented - hence the little knee-bump that keeps poking me near my belly button! Based on where I feel the hiccups, and where the midwife can hear the heartbeat, we're pretty sure this is the general orientation. She said being off to one side like this is pretty common.

Everything looks good at 33 weeks!

Not as cute as Tara's pictures!

I'm not completely satisfied with these socks.
I used a pattern from "Knitting Sensational socks" - yes, my first real Fair Isle socks! - and interspersed regular old stripes when I realized that the stranded knitting was using up the white yarn way too fast.
Both colors are left over from previous projects. I did an "afterthought" heel, but it made the stripes an uneven thickness.
I like the overall effect, just not all the details.

The other photo is from a friend's baby shower. I hope all these people don't mind having their photos anonymously posted on the Internet...

Case in Point

I knit these socks (100% cotton) for a friend whose baby shower was today. Each one took about an hour.

Holy cow

SIXTY DAYS TO GO...

Metaphysical dilemmas in knitting

I've been trying to figure out why I am so uninspired regarding baby knitting for our Critter. I have some nice cotton yarn for summer, and I can always make 6-9 month sweaters for next winter. I think I'm past the point of worrying about "jinxing" the pregnancy by being overconfident. So why is it so easy to knit for other people's babies and not for mine?

The other day I went through a bag of baby clothes that Anita left at my house, sorting out the clearly "girl" clothes from the more neutral items (since we don't know the sex yet). I held up a little green sleeper and just stared at it for a long time - it seems like such a foreign and strange item. I struggle to imagine the creature that will inhabit this piece of clothing. A tiny human being with limbs and head and heart and a will of its own. A little person.

As real as the experience is of feeling little limbs and body moving on the inside, until I actually meet our baby I think it will continue to feel just a little unreal. I almost feel like I can't really knit for this baby until I get to meet him or her, and see what kind of little person this is.

29 weeks!

Another glamorous bathroom-mirror self-portrait :-)

Remembering Aaron

"The heart of him who truly loves is a paradise on earth"

Why the House Looks the Way It Does

One-Man Baby Shower

Today my cousin Vince stopped by with a carload of baby things for us - combination car seat/baby carrier, stroller, infant bathtub, bouncy chair, swing, baby toys, and several bags of clothes and receiving blankets - it was like a one-man baby shower :-)

Passed!!!

I passed the second glucose screening test! :-) Last week, I failed the first one by 6 points - which meant that I had to do the 3-hour fasting blood draw yesterday. But they called this morning and said that my numbers were "perfect." Bottom line: I do not have gestational diabetes. Yay!

Also, at my last appointment, my blood pressure was 116/64!!!!!

Tomorrow my cousin V. is coming by with a carload of stuff, including crib, carseat, diaper pail, bouncy chair... and anything else that may occur to him. He keeps asking, "do you need xyz?" And I keep answering "I don't know!!!" I guess we'll figure it out as we go along.

Fiesta Poncho

I'm thinking I should rename this blog "The Pregnancy Diaries," except I won't be pregnant forever, but I do expect to be knitting forever :-)

This little poncho is actually all done, but needs blocking, so I haven't taken a "finished" photo yet. But you get an idea of how the color pattern worked out. I quite like it, and am working on a matching hat (ch'ullo style) that is turning out too big, so I'll have to redo it I think.

Hiccups!

Last night when I was settling down for bed, I realized the baby had hiccups!

I'd read about this, but this was the first time I felt it:
"Besides the kicks and shiftings you love to feel (though not necessarily at 3 a.m.), you may notice fetal hiccups early in the third trimester – short, spasmodic blips in your lower abdomen. Hiccups are usually short-lived, so by the time you've hollered for your mate to "come feel this" and he finally gets there, they will probably have stopped. Hiccups often occur around the same time each day, so you may be able to catch another performance soon. These sudden new twitches may take you by surprise, but they don't bother baby, and most mothers just think they feel funny. "

Something nice

One of my students gave me this book today, authored - and autographed - by his own dad!

Updates

The euphoria couldn't last: we lost to Harvard on Saturday. Booooo!
But the weather turned warm and springlike today and I wore new shoes that Terry picked out for me this weekend (all my other shoes were getting too tight!)
I met one of the midwives this morning for a check-up, and she recommended a pair of doulas who also do childbirth classes. And they gave me a free children's book!!!

"You're not a goalie, you're a sieve!"

"Dartmouth has two great big sieves
Great big sieves, great big sieves
Dartmouth has two great big sieves
They let the puck go by SIX TIMES!!!!!"

Other highlights:

Scott's 100th goal
Greening's hat trick (last CU hat trick was in 2005!) About 30 people threw their hats out on the ice; it was pretty funny but then they told the crowd CU would get a penalty if they kept doing it...

Fun times, fun times.

Snowy Days

Lovely snow. The cold is not so pleasant!

















Terry has been running "webinars" this week; online training courses for people scattered about the globe. Here he is at his "console" - looks like a DJ in this picture!

just a little complaining

I feel like I've entered the third trimester 2 weeks early. Slight edema of hands and feet mean that I've taken off all my rings except for my wedding ring. I feel like I've pulled a muscle on the left side of my rib cage, so it hurts to take a deep breath - which is getting harder just in general! The first knuckle on the middle finger of my right hand is swollen and a little sore - is this a sign of carpal tunnel? And it's getting harder to find a comfortable position for sleeping.

Added up, though, it's still a very small price to pay. And I am thankful.

Another beginning

Last night I cast on what is intended to become a poncho (for the baby); it's a pretty simple design. I'm planning to make the stripes according to the Fibonnaci sequence. Lest this make me look totally nerdy (too late!) the reason I'm using it is because the Yarlot said that this sequence is naturally pleasing to the eye :-)

I plan to use a descending and ascending order:
13 rows, then 8, 5, 3, 2, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13.

Seeing "Red"

People often ask me what strange foods I've been craving; at a restaurant the other night I was offered deep-fried pickles with ice cream... strangely unappealing!

I can't say I've had any bona fide cravings as such, but I have had unexpected keen interest in foods that don't normally tickle my palate. To whit:

1) bananas (the best midnight snack ever)
2) orange juice
3) anything red

Ok, that's the weird one. Whereas the fact that I will now stand in the kitchen and eat half a jar of green olives at once is more about my new license to indulge, my response to foods that are red in color is really strange. It has nothing to do with flavor or texture: strawberries, cherries, grape tomatoes, red jello, red velvet cake, red M&Ms, salsa - if I see red I want to eat it. This is only problematic if your husband brings home a bottle of cherry-red dishwashing detergent. I went to wash the dishes and had to consciously resist the urge to drink the detergent...or at least taste it...it just looked...so...delicious...

Now that I've smelled it, though, the urge has definitely passed.

Smell, now smell continues to be a problem. The last two hockey games I went to were an olfactory assault by the third period, with all those warm bodies (mostly still clad in our winter wear since they keep the rink pretty chilled) packed closely together. Bleah. I've ridden a lot of tightly packed buses in tropical countries throughout my life and I think generally I have a pretty high tolerance for strong smells, but this is different. It's kind of fun, though, too :-) Sort of like having a secret super-power. Though if I had my choice, I think I'd prefer the ability to turn invisible at will, or to fly like Superman... telekinesis would be pretty cool too. Too bad those aren't side effects of pregnancy! Nope, just the ability to pick out bad smells at 100 ft and grow my fingernails really fast.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Since Terry is in Haiti, I bought a V-day present for the Critter:

Weekend

We spent this past weekend in DC, meeting with the person at World Vision who contracted us for a research project. It was a satisfyingly productive time, although the trip home was a bit not-fun - Terry left for Haiti early Sunday morning, so I was driving back north alone. Can I just say, I hate PA in February? First there was a delay around Harrisburg, where I lost about 45 minutes crawling through clogged traffic; then there was a 4-mile section of 81 that was shut down just south of Hazleton. I'll grant you that the blowing snow along that section did make visibility a little dicey from time to time - evidently there was an accident that they made us detour around. It took about an hour to get around that. Four miles in one hour. Yikes.

But I'm home safe. It's super-cold and I miss Terry, but it will be a busy couple weeks.

I have to show you how nice the place was where we stayed in DC: the Swann House. This was our room - a round turret room on the second floor. Every detail was so nice! And the breakfast buffet was truly memorable.

Well, back to the grindstone!

Thinking

So I'm thinking of hiring a doula. There is one thing that I feel very strongly about related to the "birth plan" - I do not want the baby taken away from me right after birth. I do not want the baby put in a nursery. I want the baby to experience human touch for as long as continuously possible after birth. From what I know, in case of a C-section I wouldn't be able to hold the baby right afterwards. I also suspect that post-partum it may be challenging to insist on my wishes. Statistically, doula-supported births are less likely to go to C-section, and a doula would be able to advocate on my behalf in ways that perhaps family members might not be able to.

I know there are many things beyond my control, but this is one thing that I do feel very strongly about.

Blue Mitts

I finished the first mitt; all but the button to hold down the shell that flips up to cover the fingers. The second one is all done except for the shell itself. I fiddled with the pattern a little bit to taylor it to the dimensions of my hands; longer in the cuff, and I made the fingers both bigger around and longer.

Tonight I went to see a documentary called "The Business of Being Born," which was fairly thought-provoking. I don't think I've ever been in a room so full of pregnant women. I thought it was cool that one of the people they interviewed was a medical anthropologist :-).

[Don't] Let Your Babies Grow Up to Play Hockey

Last night I used Terry's season ticket to attend the Cornell-Colgate hockey game (funniest ch/jeer of the evening: "Toothpaste! University! Toothpaste! University!" while pointing to each respective team. Second funniest ch/jeer: "Crest is better!"). It was a thrilling game, 1-1 tie going into overtime, when the winning goal was scored about a minute in. It's such a roller-coaster ride of euphoria and despair, riding the waves of emotion with a very expressive crowd.

The worst moment was when a CU player was hit in the head (I didn't see it, my friend C. says he was elbowed in the neck) and ended up on his knees and elbows on the ice for many long minutes as the medic crouched next to him and his brother, also on the team, stood guard nearby. Pretty scary, especially when you see how physical this game is, the falls and the body slams into the sides, you know it's serious when someone can't get up for a moment.

Eventually he was able to rise and the medic helped him off the ice as everyone applauded in relief.

Watching these games, especially when they're close, the tension is almost unbearable at times - and it's this very thing that has up until now kept me away from sports spectatorship. That, and I feel sorry for people when they get hurt. But being married to a sports FAN has helped me understand the athlete's point of view a little better - the risk of pain is part of the pleasure of the game. And going to hockey games has really helped me understand the addiction of the adrenaline rush. It's cathartic like theater is, only more intense. When I got home last night, I spent several hours online reading statistics on the team and the division, so this morning on the phone with Terry (he's on his way back from VA) we had an actual sports conversation!!!

I was reflecting on this and remembering my mom's advice when we got married: to explore and support each other's interests. She talked about how much it meant to her when my dad bought her a book of romantic poetry one time. I thought about how Terry knows more about knitting now than I'm certain he's ever dreamed he would - he knows what felting is, the difference between straights and circulars, the importance of dpns, and has even on several occasions ventured alone into yarn shops to buy me presents! So as much as hockey-talk is out of character for me, I'm really really enjoying getting into it.

Our friends whom we go to the games with have often expressed amazement at how "mild-mannered Elizabeth" turns into a screaming fan (under what other circumstances is it possibly socially acceptable to scream at someone "Hey [opponent]! DIIIIIEEEEEE!!!! Drop Dead! Go Home!" and enjoy it? Sorry, Colgate - it's nothing personal! Harvard, though - that's another story...) :-)

Also, I was thinking that if our baby turns out to be really into sports, this will help me relate to him/her. Although if s/he decides to play hockey... it's going to be really hard not to worry 24/7 about elbows to the neck.

Convex

This evening I caught glimpse of myself in the mirror and exclaimed, "Holy cow, I'm BIG!"

"Poochie!" Terry commented agreeably.

So I had to get him to take a picture.

Here I am at five months pregnant, in front of the fridge - my newly favorite appliance in the world.

Update on how I'm doing

I'm sick - I started getting a sore throat a few days ago, and then it developed into stuffy nose, feeling tired and run-down, and now a dry cough. But I saw the Dr. today and she said I could take Sudafed safely. But mostly I should drink lots of liquids (which I have been - just short of hooking up an orange juice IV! I warm it up in the microwave and add honey - yum!) and get enough rest. Last night I slept really well for 11 hours (with the usual bathroom/snack breaks of course). I've taken to leaving a banana on the kitchen counter so that when I get up in the night, I have a bite to eat and drink some water. It seems to help me get back to sleep after I wake up.

I'm feeling better today; I was very energized for my class that I'm teaching and have felt pretty good since then. Nothing like standing up in front of 17 pairs of eyes to get the adrenaline going!

In further medical news, the Dr. said that I'm "young, healthy, in good shape, tall" and overall low-risk - so there's no reason I couldn't have a midwife-assisted birth! I liked it that she said I'm young :-) But it's up to me. So I'm going to schedule an appt. to talk with the midwives and just check 'em out. The clinic I go to was described by Terry as somewhat "impersonal" and by another woman who goes there as "not much love," but they're very competent and efficient and those things are more reassuring to me than touchy-feely-ness. In any case, I just want to see if the midwives are more personable while maintaining the overall professionalism of the practice.

Next month I get to do the routine glucose test, as well.

So far this semester is going really well. It's great having Terry here full-time! I had a little (hormonal?) melt-down this morning when I couldn't find my keys, but other than that I'm having a great time - the class I'm teaching is going phenomenally well, and the classes I'm taking are likewise good. I find myself looking forward to the work of each day. Of course... this could be hormonal too! But I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts!!!

Baby pictures!

These are not as cute as the ones you'll get after June, but they're what we have right now. In some ways I think they're a little creepy, but also kind of cool. Top to bottom:

1) View of back and head - head is to the right; you can see the outline of the cranium.

2) The money shot! This one was taken for cuteness, rather than for measurement (which is the primary purpose of the sonogram). Here you can see the face, at the right of the screen, at a 3/4 angle. The easiest part to pick out is the nose (I think it looks like Terry!), with two dark spots for eyes, and a dark area above that is the brain. Right next to the cheek you can see the little hand in a fist!



3) Here you see the legs and feet; what shows up most clearly are the bones, but the legs are probably pretty skinny right now anyway. Although baby is definitely developing muscles, as I can attest from the kicking! The feet are at the far left.

4) This is the hardest to make out: forearms and hands. You see that lighter spot surrounded by dark? That's the nose and mouth, and the rest of the face is in "shadow." The two horizontal bits are the forearms, and the hands are at the right-end of each.

The technician had to try some pretty odd angles to get these shots, because of how the baby is oriented right now. Basically s/he is head down, with back and bottom up along my left. Knees are curled up against the belly and the arms are as you see them. I feel the most kicks and prods on the right and in the middle.

The Pea Pod sweater in progress is turning out rather big - I think it might get put away until summer '09 . . . so I'm thinking for the moment I might go back to baby blankets. I'm really not sure what to knit for a summer baby!

I'm such a nerd...

I love the first day of school... I'm so ready to be back, and I feel so lucky to be here. It's bitterly cold outside but we have heat and electricity and internet connections and libraries full of books. I'm flush with second-trimester energy and looking forward to meeting my students in about an hour! I even brought my own apple :-)

Loves Music!

Last night Terry and I went to see a play, which turned out to be a musical comedy - it was terrific, very funny, creative, with warm and likeable characters. The best part was that during all the most lively (loudest?) songs I could feel the baby moving A LOT - kicking, wiggling, ... dancing? It was really, really fun. In fact, the first time I felt movement at all I had my laptop on my lap playing music with the speakers right next to my belly. I think this baby likes music!

Back in the Game

I knew the first trimester was over when I got my knitting mojo back. For three months I didn't even really feel like picking up the needles... now I'm definitely back in the game!

Last week I finished knitting the Yarn Harlot's Snowdrop Shawl, and here it is! The top two photos show the finished shawl before (left) and after (right) washing and blocking. It is so drapey and soft, I just love touching it.

These dimly lit pictures show what it looks like during blocking - big picture and close-up. It was a much faster knit than I expected - took me almost exactly four weeks - and was quite fun. I only had a little trouble at the point, and had to improvise to make it symmetrical.

Currently I have on the needles another version of the convertible mitten/gloves I made before, and the Pea Pod sweater I also made before. Next in queue: scarf/hat set from Australian yarn!

p.s. forgot to say - I used alpaca yarn I bought in Peru, 1 kilo on a cone with no manufacturers label - but it was perfect for this project :-)

smells like...spring?

We've been taking advantage of the unseasonably warm weather by taking long walks outside - although today the wind nearly took our breath away! Almost all the ice on Beebe has melted, and the grass is a brilliant green everywhere. It's very strange!

I'm knitting the lace border on the shawl and hope to block it this weekend.

We had a good visit with the doctor yesterday; heard a healthy heartbeat and got back integrated screening test results - all normal :-) Yay! Also my blood pressure was down to 122/64, which is possibly my lowest reading ever. I'm feeling little kicks every day now - it's great :-)

Back in Ithaca!

It's a dreary winter day here, but I'm cozy in our little apartment. We had the perfect break in VA: sleeping, reading, knitting, and a little baking. I put together two jigsaw puzzles with Dot (MIL) and ate and napped whenever I felt like it!

Meanwhile, these pictures are old but they make me happy :-) Congratulations, Anita and David!

More pictures, please! :-)

Oh yes - and we got to see this little cutie on Monday!

Travel

We just got back from a trip to Phoenix, where Terry's sister Rosanne just graduated from Thunderbird. Yay Rosanne! She was the star of her cohort, with significant recognitions and awards.

On the bus to Baltimore, I started this shawl. You can see what it's supposed to look like here. I plan to use it as a baby blanket!

On the way back, our flights were interrupted and diverted by ice and snow, and this is what the tree in our front yard looked like when we got home:

Pretty, huh? Fortunately we weren't too delayed, and the roads were not slippery.

Terry and I are finishing up a bunch of little loose threads from the end of the semester... so when does vacation begin???

Knitting again...

Three finished objects!!! This is the "blissful jacket" from Interweave Knits; I started it about six months ago, knit all the pieces in Dallas and had all the seams done before we went to Bolivia in July. Then it sat there all semester. If I needed any evidence that the second trimester has begun, this is it! It's true - this whole semester, the ONLY project I actually started and finished was a pair of socks. Anyway, I'm not in love with the collar, but I'm glad it's finished and I can wear it at least once before the semester is over!!!

I also finished a second pair of socks that some lucky person is going to get for Christmas... and did some reinforcement work on this little sweater. When I knit the front, I only made a button band on one side, and the other side (the inside) was curling in on itself and pulling the buttons awkwardly. So I picked up and knit three stitches every two rows along the edge, from neck to waist, and knit rib stitch for about 8 rows. I sewed it down on the inside, re-attached the buttons through both layers, and it's much, much better. Sturdier and lies flatter.

Best of all, I suddenly feel re-inspired ... I inventoried my yarn Monday night and have all kinds of project ideas. I'm planning a Lord of the Rings marathon over Christmas break so I can get lots done!

Roaring Fires

A few nights ago, Terry and I were sitting on the couch waiting for some friends to stop by, and I said "wouldn't it be nice to have a roaring fire right there?"

Terry laughed and said, "No, we'd be running around screaming 'put it out! Put it out!'"

No romance, man.

But prophecy? Maybe!

Tonight I decided I wanted a fried egg to eat with my quinoa, so I put the pan on the electric stove with some olive oil and immediately forgot what I was doing. I went into the other room to check e-mail, and after awhile I smelled something weird. I went back into the kitchen and the pan was in flames! I literally ran around in circles yelling "I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do!" Silly me - I realized I do know what to do: cover the pan to smother the flame. It has no lid, so I used another pan that was sitting there. But the whole apartment filled with smoke.

The fire alarm went off about the same time that my landlady came running downstairs to see where the smoke was coming from. Fortunately by that time everything was under control.

So evidently my nose is (at least temporarily) more sensitive than the smoke detector... luckily this balances out the forgetfulness!

When Terry came home he just laughed: "Didn't I tell you that if we had a roaring fire in the room it wouldn't be romantic?"

Dear Hunting

Sunday afternoon we decided to go for a hike, and picked Abbot Trail loop since we hadn't hiked it before and it seemed like it would be a fairly level 2-hour walk. As we drove off the tarmac and on to dirt road, I noticed various vehicles parked on the side of the roads and had a sudden thought - "Hey Terry, is it deer hunting season?"

Hmmm....

He wasn't sure, so we went on to find the trail head. As we got out of the car we saw a guy walking towards us with a neon orange vest and a gun. Yep, definitely deer season. But we went over to read the signs posted at the trail head, just in case there was a notice along the lines of "No Deer Hunting allowed on this trail!" Or, conversely, "Open Season on Deer - Hikers Keep Out!" Well, no such sign either way.

T: "Well, let's give it a shot."
Me: "Uh, nice choice of words there!"

The second we stepped on the trail, we heard a loud BANG! that sent us scurrying back to the car. Yeah, never mind!

So we ended up hiking Buttermilk Falls instead, which was very pretty but quite the uphill haul for a good ways. And... in case you hadn't heard, I'm officially 12 weeks pregnant, so it was an extra-challenging hike. But great fun.

Oh, I also wanted to say that peacenik/tree-hugger that I am, I am also a big fan of deer hunting - seriously! What could be better than free-range, organic venison? Yum! Plus, every vegetable garden I've ever grown has been ravaged by deer. They are VARMINTS! So please, go get 'em!

Today

Today Terry vacuumed the whole apartment (even the corners! Of the ceiling!), shopped, cooked, did laundry, fed me, and even wrote a whole analysis and report for Habitat. Wow - Superman!

I slept in, was very grumpy, spent all afternoon reading in the library and all evening writing a 5-page farce of a paper, ate, and took a long nap. I think I owe him a foot rub :-)

neologism

Terry coined a new word for people who order fancy espresso-based drinks at the coffee shop and hold up the line (he always gets black drip coffee, straight up): "pretensionistas." I think it's perfect. :-)

Eve's Apple and the Bliss of Ignorance

I'm beginning to think that there is such a thing as knowing too much.

I'm helping T. with a consulting job for a juggernaut Christian NGO (that I won't name here) and, frankly, am really struggling to stay with it. I have so many reservations and philosophical issues with some of their projects - which, to be fair, every person I've talked to who works for them also struggles with.

The same could be said for my current "interesting" condition - it's hard to relax, knowing so much about all that could yet go wrong, or may have already gone wrong but I just don't know about it yet.

At the same time, there is a sense in which the knowledge that comes from experience is so hard-won that it takes on a feeling of value. I don't know that, given the choice, I would want to return to blissful ignorance.

(I'm trying to work in an allusion to William Blake but will have to leave it here in the parentheses).

Still here!

Sorry I haven't updated in a long time, but my class today was just cancelled so I have an extra three hours today! Fun!

Had a wonderful weekend with family on Oct. 20-21 and brought back a bag of fragrant homegrown apples that I'm trying to enjoy quickly before they go bad.

Anita's birthday was yesterday - happy birthday, P!

Go Gore!

This makes me really happy!

October

Last night I drove back to school with 3 undergrad girls from DC; giving rides at $20 each way helped offset the cost of the rental car (although man, the tax and insurance almost double the price!!) It poured rain through Pennsylvania but we made it intact. The Relief Sale was fun (scroll down for a note about Carmen Wyse!); the weekend turned out to be a social marathon, but I made good progress on a birthday present and taught my friend Elisa how to knit a baby bonnet.

Back to work now...