Sunny Afternoon

I got my hair cut!! You can tell how I feel about it by my expression in this picture:
Terry left for VA early this morning, so today was our first truly solo day in Ithaca. We spent part of the afternoon outside on the lawn. You can tell how we felt about that (being outside, not being without Terry) by our expressions in this picture:
Here you can tell how Valerie feels about tummy time:And here is the forest fauna that stopped by to check us out:

100 days!

On Saturday, Valerie was 100 days old! I didn't remember until after she had gone to sleep.

Little V., you dig a hole in our hearts and then you fill it with yourself.

Green Poop

And now I become that boring person who yammers on about her baby's bowel movements.

A couple nights ago we had a new development in parenthood - green poop! For a few days leading up to this event, her BMs were becoming more frequent, smaller, and more "seedy." That seemed odd but not a big deal. However, the green poop event was accompanied by some serious fussiness - to the point of out-of-control crying at Grandma's house. So I went to the Internets.

This is what (among other things) I found:
"Babies that receive too much of the thin foremilk and not enough of the richer hindmilk sometimes have problems with green stools and tummy aches. If you have been switching breasts a lot instead of letting baby get a good feed on one breast, you may have problems with this."

There were some other possible explanations, but this one sounded the most plausible within our context. The solution? Block feeding.

What did we do before the Internet??? I guess we read books, or asked people we knew. Now the expertise - both lay and professional - at our fingertips is increased exponentially. Pretty amazing.

Oh, and it's working! :-)

her feet seemed cold...

happy v-day!

In honor of little V being 3 months old today, I ended up throwing caution to the wind and just spent the day with her. No academic work, and no fretting about it either.

At three months old, she's so perfectly cute!!! She loves looking at ceiling fans and lamps, practicing sitting, and smiling at us. Her personality is really starting to show - she's kind of shy, and overall a calm and patient baby. When she does cry, she does this adorable thing with her mouth, just the cutest little sad face - it's irresistable! Her hair is getting quite long on top and at the neck, but she's getting that hilarious little bald ring around the head that babies get, where their heads rest against the bed.

My favorite things to do with her are to sing, and to practice sitting - I lay her on my lap with her feet against my belly and her head on my knees, and lift her by her hands singing "sentadita, sentadita" (seated, feminine diminutive in Spanish) and then I lay her down singing "hechadita, hechadita" (lying down, same). I really need to get some pictures of that soon, she looks like such a big little girl sitting up!

nursing relationship

So I said that nursing was my favorite thing about being a mother; I wanted to elaborate a little bit. With all the drama around her birth, I had this feeling that my milk wouldn't come in. It just seemed like too much to hope for, that something would go right, the way it was supposed to. But then it did! I was amazed.

Then, the bigger surprise was that nursing was hard. I expected it to hurt somewhat, but I didn'dt realize that there are important things one must do in order to minimize the pain and maximize the amount of milk baby is getting. I was very thankful for the lactation consultants and nurses available around the clock at the hospital.

Eventually, though I did get really tired of having strangers staring evaluatively at our latch-on. REALLY tired of it.

Somewhere I heard or read the phrase "nursing relationship," and that's really what I love about it - the completely particular and unique connection I have with my baby, just the two of us. I can do one thing for her that nobody else can. Nursing is something we do together, and I think that's why I also like the term "nursing" more than breastfeeding, because it's so much more than just little V. eating. It's me loving her, and her trusting me; me comforting her, her needing me. And it's like its own miracle, that she can turn milk into muscle and bone and brain, into the softest sweetest skin, bright eyes, and the cutest smile we've ever seen.

introspective

Sometime in the last few weeks (it's all a bit of a blur, really) I asked Terry the following questions:

1) What do you like best about being a dad?
2) What do you like least?
3) What has been the most surprising or unexpected thing about fatherhood?
4) What has been most surprising to you about me as a mother?

And of course, he turned the questions around to me as well. Here's how it breaks down:

1) Him: when she falls asleep on my chest.
Me: nursing
2) Both: interrupted sleep!
3) Him: nothing - had no clear expectations (!!!)
Me: breastfeeding was harder to learn than I expected, and the lack of sleep a lot less difficult to cope with than I expected.
4) Him: how well I (eep) have been coping with the lack of sleep
Me: how well he's handled diaper changes!

12 weeks old today

This afternoon I was driving back from Kate's (natural food etc. store) where I had just bought a Neti pot for a nasal cleanse (I have found this to be very effective for dealing with an incipient sinus infection, which seems to be brewing at the moment). I was thinking about health, and food, and the upcoming semester, and Valerie, and how I was ever going to finish my degree with this baby here. We've invested so much in it already, though, that there's no way I'm walking away from it. How many hours and miles has T. logged driving back and forth so that I could have the luxury of reading social theory til it comes out my ears? I'm afraid to actually do the calculations.

Anyway, it occurred to me that the one thing that will get me to the other end is going to be self-discipline. Normally I'm pretty happy to follow Terry's spontaneous impulses, but I think I'm going to have to step it up a bit and impose a greater degree of order on our lives. I haven't told him about the plan yet though :-).

(Note: this onesie doesn't even fit her anymore!!!)

two-month stats

She's 24 inches long (96th percentile!!!)

10 lbs. 12 oz. (40th percentile)

circumference of head = 15.5 inches.

WOW.

The first week, she was in the 2nd percentile for weight, and 20-some for length. She's growing so well!

Nick the Name

I almost never call her "Valerie," to the point where sometimes it takes me a few seconds to remember her name. Sometimes I call her "Solana" by mistake! But the compendium of
nicknames includes:

***and how could I forget: Miss Grunty Grunty!

V.
Vivi
Little V.
Little Val
Cuteness
Sweetness
Sweetheart
Sweetie-pie
Chub-Chub
Little Monkey Girl
Little One
Little One-one

But the most frequent and least creative thing I call her is just My Baby.

Slings and things (edited to fix layout and add final comment)

The attachment parenting literature is pretty clear on the benefits of "babywearing" (aka carrying your baby close to your body). I've been struggling somewhat with the sling thing, however. Little V. likes to be carried upright rather than reclining, although she does ok in the carseat (which we refer to as her "plastic bucket") and will also tolerate the sling when she's sleeping. But, so far, the carrier that most resembles a bullet-proof vest has been the easiest one for us to master given her preferences.

Here's what we've tried so far, with pros and cons.

THE PLASTIC BUCKET

Pros: when running errands that require driving anywhere, eliminates the need to transfer her constantly back and forth from one conveyance to another.

Cons: bulky, awkward to carry unless in the stroller (and then extra-bulky), heavy - 11 lbs sans baby.

THE BULLETPROOF VEST
Pros: easy to put on and adjust, nice for hot days since arms and legs are free. She really likes pushing back from your chest and staring all around her. It mimics the way she likes to be held in our arms. Dad likes it.

Cons: doesn't keep sun off head or limbs; cultural association with pretentious yuppies; the nagging feeling that you are short-changing her by not using a more ergonomic, earth-friendly sling.

THE EARTH-MAMA
Pros: Best weight distribution on my frame - by far the most comfortable to wear. Also very versatile with lots of ways to tie on. The generous fabric protects her skin from sun or cold. Guatemalan fabric is beautiful and just looks cool. Y'know; "ethnic."

Cons: Learning curve. It definitely takes skill to tie on, practice and commitment. Also not great for hot weather.

THE POCKET SLING
Pros: simple construction, no adjusting or tying or buckling required

Cons: I have only managed to use it correctly ONCE. Part of the problem is that the design requires her to have her legs tucked up against her tummy, but because of how she was positioned in the womb, she likes to have her legs out either froggy style or straight. I've just had a really hard time getting her into and out of this one and am about to give up.

THE BOTTOM LINE

I'd really like to try a ring sling, since the hardest part of the pocket sling for me is getting her in and out. I remember the few times I carried Solana in the ring sling, it was nice to be able to loosen it in order to get her out, and to tighten it after putting her in.

I also want to learn other ways of tying on the wrap. Rachel asked about my back - because of the way this one distributes her weight on my body, it is easily the most comfortable. The B.jorn is the second best.

and now, some knit pics

I originally knit this sweater to sell as part of the "Solana Sweaters" campaign, but this one never sold. It was my first top-down raglan. I LOVE that it basically knits all in one piece, with no seams to sew! I think the only sewing was to put on the buttons.

It was my own design, although the lace pattern is from this book of folk shawls, this one was supposed to be Japanese I think. The yarn was "found yarn" from a yard sale.
I love it on Valerie, I don't think I can part with it now!

as promised: camping pics!

Here we are in front of our tent; Valerie is in the Ella Roo wrap. The bassinet from Vince and Heather was GREAT!
Often we put the Lambie inside it, but it was too hot this day.
Look how big she is!!!
And here is our set-up inside the tent.
We also did some hiking, a lot of eating, talking, and laughing, and there were a bunch of other people there - but I don't have permission to post their pictures on the internet so you'll just have to imagine that we were part of a big group :-)

I think it's safe to say a good time was had by all; I enjoyed it immensely (except for the sleep deficit) and found it very relaxing. Maybe that had something to do with having the cell phone turned off the whole time...

Quick Update

I feel like all I did today was sleep... thanks to Terry and the grandparents! I was still catching up after our camping trip this weekend, which will be another post once I get photos downloaded. It went really well and I wanted to stay longer, but I guess I didn't actually sleep much or very well on the ground. Valerie slept great though!

So we are settling into our new routine here, re-organizing the house little by little, coping with the summer heat in our non-A/C house. Here is how our days go (more or less):

6:30 Valerie wakes up to nurse (this is pretty much a constant)
7:00-ish I go for a half-hour walk around the neighborhood and buy paper. Sometimes I take V., sometimes I leave her with Terry, depending on how awake they both are.
8:00-ish breakfast. Then I spend the morning at home with V., doing small tasks around the house when she naps. This is my taste of being stay-at-home mom! I enjoy it a lot but by the afternoon I'm ready to get out and about.
noon-ish: lunch
Sometime between 2 and 6 p.m. we go to Grandma's* house for a few hours to check e-mail, nap, hopefully do some of my academic work that I'm behind on...
Sometime after 6 p.m. we forage for dinner, then possibly go shopping in the evening before going to bed. It seems that V. gets her bath (when she gets one) pretty late, rarely before 10 p.m., sometimes as late as midnight...
She usually falls asleep for the night sometime between 11:30 and 1:00 a.m.
So I guess that's why I need the naps!

Promises, promises: pictures coming soon!!!

*Both her Grandmas are referred to as Grandma, so we'll have either Virginia Grandma and Peru Grandma or Grandma Dot and Grandma Irma, or Grandma Jantzi and Grandma Phelps - but for now it's just the undifferentiated kin category, Grandma.

question

So what is known about uterine fibroids? I completely forgot until a conversation I had yesterday that the Docs found a big one at the top of my uterus when they delivered Valerie. I'm not sure what the implications are. Anyone know? (I do plan to ask the Doc about this the next time I see him).

solipsism

I heard that some people were claiming that there are no pictures of me on this blog, so here you go :-)

Bjorn Identity

Friday looked like rain, but when the sun came out we decided to head downtown and check out the Ithaca Festival. Terry was keen to get me out into the world for a "mommy walk" (beyond the 20 lbs. I shed with her birth, I've only managed to lose 2 more in 5 weeks) and I was keen to check out some of the shops on the Commons. So off we went.

It was fun, although we got tired, and I ended up nursing her outside a sports bar, which felt a little awkward, so we headed home. And it started to rain... we had one umbrella between the three/four of us (my mom was along too), so the Baby Bjorn wearing person naturally got to take advantage of the shelter - finally we ducked into a library on campus to wait out the rain.

While lounging around there, little V. got hungry - so I went up to a conference room I know about on the 4th floor for some privacy. We were there all peaceful and nice, when suddenly she paused, froze, opened her eyes, and next thing I knew there was a warm wet patch spreading across my lap...

...and then the buzzer rang (LOUD!) for library closing in 30 minutes, and I looked outside and saw that it had started to hail...

I called Terry and he came up with the backpack we use as a diaper bag, which also packs spare T-shirts for both of us (but not pants). She had also pooped out the back of her diaper so a major clean-up was executed on the conference room floor... Fortunately, my shirt was long enough to cover the dampness on my pants...

It felt really good to get home into warm, dry clothes. Val and I both fell asleep and didn't wake up for another 3 hours!

Oh - note cute hat knit by a woman from our church! Thanks, KMS!

Stats

Length: 21 inches (56th percentile)
Weight: 7 lbs, 12 oz. (12th percentile)
Head circ: 14.5 inches (50th percentile)

She's growing! At her first appointment, she was in the 2nd percentile for weight...

We all put in our guesses ahead of time for what her weight would be:
Me: 7 lbs 5 oz
Terry: 8 lbs 1 oz
Mom (mine): 3.5 kilos
Dad (mine): 7 lbs 8 oz
Anita: 7 lbs 11 oz

So even though my mom was spot-on, and Anita next closest, Terry was still closer than me!

One month old!

Happy one-month, little V!

Tonight Terry was holding her and kept bursting into laughter, because her one hand kept finding its way into his armpit and tickling him.

Happy Father's Day!

her "real" birthday

Terry decided that June 5 was Valerie's "real" birthday, given that it was her "official" due date (according to the clinic; I always had it as June 3 but what do I know), so in honor of her being 3 weeks in this world we gave her a sponge bath! She didn't mind it much, up until the end. Here she is in all her glory! Every day she seems plumper and I could not be more pleased!

oh yes

... the swelling in my hands has finally gone down enough that I can wear my wedding ring again!!!

little by little

Every day I'm able to do a little more. Yesterday I even cleaned the bathroom... of course, it took me like 3 hours because of all the self-interruptions!

I can almost watch Valerie growing before my eyes - like the Incredible Hulk, only not green. And much prettier! Her cord stump fell off yesterday so she can now start looking forward to her first bath!

She's also spending more time in "quiet alert" mode - unfortunately at very odd hours sometimes. But it is delicious.

So I realized that this is purportedly a knitting blog, but I never posted a picture of the one thing I knitted for her that she wears every day, this little hat:
The funny thing is that I didn't know at the time whether or not it was for her - I was working with pink yarn, and had a bunch left over, and then my sister found this pattern and so for lack of anything better to do while on bedrest (oh yeah - except grade papers) I made this hat. I thought that if we had a boy I could donate it to the hospital or something. Anyway, it fits her just perfectly.

6 lbs. 1 oz!!!

We took Valerie in for her 2-week pediatric appointment today, and she has gained 11 oz. in the past week!! I am thrilled - I thought she looked bigger, but never thought it would be by that much! Two nights ago she hit a new level of HUNGRY - nursing at 10 p.m., 11, 12, and 1 a.m. and then again at 3 a.m. Then she let us sleep until 7.

Leave it to the Phantzis, though, to find a way to have a newborn and still stay in bed until noon... we have these great dark curtains that my sister put up for us, so after breakfast at around 7 Valerie and I just go back to bed...

(I know this picture is sideways)

at home

So we are home with little Valerie, safe and sound - here she is in "newborn" sized-diapers relaxing on the lambskin that was a gift from Wendy and Dave (we've switched to preemie size for now). Eats, sleeps, and poops! I am getting better by increments every day; the latest achievement is being able to get in and out of bed unassisted! Also, an increase in my blood pressure medication and going off the pain meds altogether has resulted in much better blood pressure readings - FINALLY! It will probably take from 6-12 weeks to get back to some semblance of normalcy, but for now I'll take what I can get. And now to bed, for anywhere from 1.5 to 4 hours until she's hungry again...

Please welcome...

Valerie Lynn Phelps Jantzi

Born by cesarean at approximately 9 a.m. on May 15, 2008
5 lbs. 10 oz., 18 inches long
Current status: sleeping!

Coming down the pike

1 day, 13 hours, and 45 minutes left until the OR.

How strange is that?

Terry and I had a long talk with the Doc last night, who is unwilling to let us postpone the cesarean (in hopes of the baby turning) or go to acupuncture (which is supposed to help turn baby) because of another high BP spike on Sunday morning (157/114). She just doesn't feel like the potential risks are worth the potential benefits.

So tomorrow we start the paperwork and other processing.

I feel like I have dealt with most of my fears, except perhaps the fear that we're making a big mistake by not just walking out of the hospital and insisting on doing this on our own terms, without major surgery. I feel like the baby is happy and doing well where s/he is, so why take him/her out right now?

On the other hand, I've read enough blogs to know that the potential risks are very real; babies and mothers have died as a result of pre-eclampsia. Even though I don't have pre-e now, it's such an unpredictable condition.

So it seems like erring on the "safe side" means giving myself up to the knife.

I can't imagine what it's going to be like to finally meet our baby.

News Flash: Grading Raises Blood Pressure!

I don't know if it's the sitting up, or the actual act of grading, but as the final round of term papers come in I'm trying to figure out how to get my work done while keeping BP low(er). Yesterday morning I sat up for two hours entering grades and downloading papers; by noon BP was 164/111. So after lunch I just lay in bed watching TV, and by 4 p.m. we were down to 128/84.

It probably makes a difference who is taking the BP, and which cuff they use, and even which arm... but I do see a pattern in higher BPs after grading sessions. So my plan is to limit myself to 45 minutes at a shot and take long breaks in between. Thanks goodness for ANTM marathons on the tube.

****
Last night Terry and I went downstairs to the cafeteria for a "date night" - we also took a turn around the gardens (they make me take a wheelchair). After dinner we came back upstairs and watched a movie on my laptop. It was fun :-)

Midweek

Tuesday was not a good day. High BPs, tired, just lay around all day with a headache.

Wednesday was a very good day. Had a visit from a family friend who prayed for me, another visit from a pal who brought flowers, lower BPs, felt much better.

Thursday was another good day. Lower BPs again, Terry brought me a mini carrot-cake (he had to one-up the flowers!), got to watch "Survivor."

Hoping for another good day tomorrow.

Solana-isms

Pointing at a child-sized hospital bed with metal bars that can be raised or lowered on all sides: "Who is that cage for?"

Long Day

Today felt like a long day. The usual rounds of monitoring and so forth were mostly all good news; BP still not where I'd like it to be though. Around mid-morning, the doctor popped in and announced that she's scheduling me for a c-section on May 15, then popped out again. I was slightly stunned, but also excited, and also disappointed, not sure what to feel really. I like to have a Plan. I like knowing what's going to happen next. Uncertainty makes me anxious. But at the same time, it did seem so final.

I called Terry; he had a lot of questions but the doc had already left to do other things.

After lunch Anita, Solana and I went out to the hospital gardens to relax in the dappled sunshine. Solana had fun running around the garden paths collecting dandelions for us while we talked and I let my hair dry in the sun. She declared herself a "baby tree climber" (some species of animal that eats leaves) and threw leaves into the little creek running through the garden. We colored and relaxed and watched ants collecting the crumbs from Solana's chips.

At about 4:00, Terry and I met with our doula to catch up on everything that's happened since my hospitalization. While we were talking, the doc came by again and was able to give us the whole run-down on their thinking, based on the measurements and monitoring they've been doing. Much better than just having me try to repeat all her explanations.

The bottom line is that there is still a gray area within which the cesarean might not happen: my BP would have to stay below 140/90 for a good long time, and the baby would have to decide to flip. The reason for scheduling the c-section is to reserve that time slot - it's easier to cancel one than it is to squeeze one in.

So, just taking it one day at a time. All that thinking though pretty much tired me out. And then I finally finished grading the current set of papers from the class I teach. Their re-writes are due next week; I told them that the original due date of May 13 still applies, but if they want to be certain that I grade them and not somebody else, then they need to get them in by May 9th. So it's a pretty short reprieve right now!

no news is good news

I'll post pictures soon, but wanted to post a quick update: no change.

I'm much more at peace with the situation now, however, and was so happy to be allowed to go to a shower that my friends here organized for me on Saturday. It was great having Anita there, as well as my aunt Cathie (who of course gave us books! My favorite thing!)

This afternoon Terry took me out for a spin in the hospital gardens since it was sunny and beautiful out.

Baby continues to look good in all the monitoring.

Long-lost relative

Meet Lucy Phelps! Yes, PHELPS!!! I'm not making it up, even though the name tag didn't really show up in the picture. It's pet therapy night again... and wouldn't you know, tonight's furbaby had a familiar name! I think I can see the family resemblance, actually. She's a Shi-tzu/Maltese mix. Cute! I hope my baby's not this hairy though :-)

Medical update

It's been a lot to process - but here is the current picture as best I understand it.

The Doc came in on Monday with a portable ultrasound machine to check on the baby's movement and the amniotic fluid. We could see it practicing breathing, sucking its fists, wiggling around, and plenty of fluid. All is well with the Critter! S/he seems perfectly content to hang out in the same breech position s/he's been in for over a month, elbow poking at my belly button.

We had a frank discussion about blood flow, placenta, contractions, and whatnot - as I understand it, I had a contraction while on the monitor the other day which showed that the baby "doesn't like" contractions. More specifically, the contraction seemed to compromise the blood flow to the Critter. Because high BP can also negatively impact blood flow through the placenta, that's additional cause for them to keep me here for regular monitoring. They ordered another 24-hour urine test, which came back yesterday still low for protein. In other words, I'm still in the the "gestational hypertension" category, not officially pre-eclampsia, although at least one of the Docs (I see three, on rotation) believes I will certainly develop actual pre-E at some point.

I don't mind the bedrest, and I don't mind being in the hospital. I even like the food, for the most part! What I do mind is hearing that even if the baby were to turn head-down, they'd still probably want to do a C-section because of concerns about blood flow during contractions. Assuming I don't get worse (e.g. progress into full pre-eclampsia), they'd want to do this at 37 weeks - two weeks from now. Having my sister here has brought me a long, long way closer to feeling ready for the baby as she is working on preparing the physical space and helping me figure out what "stuff" we still need. But mentally? I've never had major surgery, and frankly I'm pretty much scared spitless. But Terry is a very calming influence (believe it or not) :-)

What's encouraging are all the people who have rallied round with e-mails, phone calls (if I don't pick up when you call I'm probably on the monitor or in the bathroom!), offers of help, visits. I'm going to spend the next six months writing thank-you notes, I think!

A Trivial Martyrdom

I know some readers are going to snort sarcastically at this post, but it amuses me: early in this pregnancy I got my first real gray hair. Since being admitted to the hospital, I have found four more. This kid is already giving me gray hairs!

34 weeks, 5 days

Pictures

The good ones are from Anita's camera, the crummy ones are from my camera phone in the hospital. Look how smart Solana is, she plays chess at age 3! :-) (actually she just likes to arrange the pieces on the board over and over again).

Update

My sister is here! She got here this afternoon, having left GA Friday afternoon/evening. A long trip with a 3-year-old, but here they are! It's wonderful to see them both. I'll post pictures soon :-) We hung out this afternoon playing with beads (her new hobby) while Solana colored and sang songs to herself. It was a gorgeous day, and before they got here Terry and I hung out on the hospital grounds enjoying the sunshine and blossoming trees. It was very soothing and relaxing.

Now all have been dispatched and I'm wondering whether to try to grade a couple student papers that came in over the weekend.

BP is hanging out in the zone above where they'd let me go home (140/90 - although we do get below that, it doesn't stay) and where they'd want to deliver (160/110 - hasn't crossed that line since Thursday morning). Baby is stubbornly staying head-up, but we're trying some tricks to see if it will turn.

Previews

Last night at the hospital they asked if we'd like a visit from "pet therapy" - I'm on the pediatric ward, since maternity is full right now (I take this as a good sign - means delivery is not imminent!) We said sure, and they brought by this bunny! It was very quiet and gentle and such soft fur. So we got to practice petting a little fur-baby :-) Doesn't this picture just make your heart melt?

I've started on Christmas knitting already but I'm not telling who this is for :-) The color makes everyone ask if we're having a girl. We don't know yet, but the ultrasound tech knows... she wrote it down on a piece of paper and put it in a sealed envelope so we can find out whenever we want to. I'm kind of into the suspense, actually! The past 5 days have presented way too much new stuff to adjust to at this point.

Evidently

According to the ultrasound I had yesterday (long story), the actual position of the Critter is better reflected by rotating that image below by 180 degrees... what I thought was a knee is actually a shoulder! Such a tiny shoulder...

Cut and Pasted

E-mail written to a friend on April 21, 2008:
~~~~~
So we're having a little (too much) excitement here - Friday night my feet were so swollen, that I decided to check my blood pressure. We bought a little home monitor back in December but I haven't really been using it since bp seemed to be back to normal during the whole second trimester. Well, it read really high again - around 160/110. They had told me that over 90 was cause for concern. So I took the day off on Saturday and just kept my feet up and drank a lot of water. Sunday Terry got back from Belize, and we went to a childbirth class. But still the blood pressure stayed high and the low-grade headache I'd had all weekend got really bad Sunday night. So this morning I called the ob/gyn, and they had me come in for b/p check and urine test. Even though the urine test was negative for protein, the b/p was still really high - 150/100. They recommended keeping me at the hospital overnight for 24 hours monitoring, and Terry thought that was a good idea so here I am! Thankfully they have wireless.

The good news is that the baby is doing great - they monitored the heartbeat for a couple hours, and also did an ultrasound so we could see all the parts again - it was cool because Terry hadn't seen any of the previous ones. It's growing right on track, moving vigorously, and seems not at all stressed out. Also, by 2 p.m. my blood pressure had dropped to something like 120/84, which is much much better. But I'm to stay here until tomorrow morning while they collect all my urine to check for enzymes.

I guess there has been a lot going on recently; the end of the semester always stresses me out, plus the remodeling of our bathroom has disrupted our routine and made kind of a mess in the apartment. Add to that all the baby things that are piling up, unassembled and chaotic - it's like a constant reminder of how much our lives are going to change, but without the feeling of preparedness, because it's all just a jumble. And I was worrying about Terry and all the travel and work he has going on. So maybe I just needed a "Time Out." Hopefully all is well and I can resume a regular schedule by Wednesday. They'll decide by tomorrow noon-ish. I really really hope I can come but will keep you posted either way. Take care, and big hugs from me - EEP

Sketch

This sketch shows approximately how the Critter is oriented - hence the little knee-bump that keeps poking me near my belly button! Based on where I feel the hiccups, and where the midwife can hear the heartbeat, we're pretty sure this is the general orientation. She said being off to one side like this is pretty common.

Everything looks good at 33 weeks!

Not as cute as Tara's pictures!

I'm not completely satisfied with these socks.
I used a pattern from "Knitting Sensational socks" - yes, my first real Fair Isle socks! - and interspersed regular old stripes when I realized that the stranded knitting was using up the white yarn way too fast.
Both colors are left over from previous projects. I did an "afterthought" heel, but it made the stripes an uneven thickness.
I like the overall effect, just not all the details.

The other photo is from a friend's baby shower. I hope all these people don't mind having their photos anonymously posted on the Internet...

Case in Point

I knit these socks (100% cotton) for a friend whose baby shower was today. Each one took about an hour.

Holy cow

SIXTY DAYS TO GO...

Metaphysical dilemmas in knitting

I've been trying to figure out why I am so uninspired regarding baby knitting for our Critter. I have some nice cotton yarn for summer, and I can always make 6-9 month sweaters for next winter. I think I'm past the point of worrying about "jinxing" the pregnancy by being overconfident. So why is it so easy to knit for other people's babies and not for mine?

The other day I went through a bag of baby clothes that Anita left at my house, sorting out the clearly "girl" clothes from the more neutral items (since we don't know the sex yet). I held up a little green sleeper and just stared at it for a long time - it seems like such a foreign and strange item. I struggle to imagine the creature that will inhabit this piece of clothing. A tiny human being with limbs and head and heart and a will of its own. A little person.

As real as the experience is of feeling little limbs and body moving on the inside, until I actually meet our baby I think it will continue to feel just a little unreal. I almost feel like I can't really knit for this baby until I get to meet him or her, and see what kind of little person this is.