Whew!

It's been a crazy two weeks here since Terry got back... but good, in most ways. We're trying to cram so much into the time that we have. A lot of that time, though, is spent doing fun things with the kids - doing the rounds at nearby parks, visiting the Children's Museum about twice a week, going to the Farmer's Market, watching ducks.

And my sister and her two girls came to visit for a WHOLE WEEK! It was such a marked change from the last time we saw each other a year and four months ago - this time the kids really played together and she and I were able to have real, prolonged, in-depth conversations. Not without interruption, of course, but we could focus enough on what each other was saying to have some really satisfying times together.

(My camera and I got caught in the rain and now the shutter won't open all the way...)

And it was awesome watching the kids interact. There's nothing quite like cousins who are close in age. No other playmates develop quite the same vibe, I think. The first night after the cousins went back to their hotel, Valerie just sat staring out the window sadly, and every morning she would ask (in Albanian) "Ku është Solana? Ku ështe Lotus? Ku është Aunt Anita?" Gabriel was always ready to bestow hugs and kisses (which inevitably culminated with somebody - or everybody - getting knocked down). So it was awesome (chaotic, but awesome). And thanks to Dot for accommodating the extra chaos around the house!

The same day they left, I also left for my first trip ever away from Gabriel!!!!!!!! I was in Winnipeg for two days visiting the MCC Canada offices, since they fund the MCC programs in Colombia. It was a good time to meet a lot of people and get re-oriented to different facets of the work. Many MCC structures and procedures have changed quite a bit since my previous volunteer term (1995-1999 in Bolivia), plus in the country representative (director) role Terry and I will be handling new responsibilities. So it was a good visit.

I also got to see a good friend from MCC Bolivia days, Jodi Read (Hi Jodi!) whose PhD research overlaps a good bit with mine - related to the US/Mexico border - so that was a lot of fun (it would have been a lot of fun even if our research interests didn't overlap at all) ;-) and she showed me around the Forks area of Winnipeg which is super, super cool and I highly recommend you check it out sometime if you get the chance.

I will have to say that I did not realize prior to this trip how much milk Gabriel was still getting from me. *****Breastfeeding content ahead****** but it quickly became clear to me after about 12 hours that I had severely underestimated that, and I spent most of the trip in a LOT of pain as a result. I didn't have a pump with me, or really much opportunity or space for hand-expressing, but I did what I could and mostly just had to grin and bear it. Whenever we do get around to weaning (and since this is my last baby I'm not in a huge hurry) it will hopefully be a much more gradual process because wow. I have never felt so much sympathy for cows that miss a milking. Nor so happy to see my little calf again. Moo.

Catching up, and other sundries

So my mom left Thursday before dawn, and I’m feeling her absence. Last night after I went to bed I found myself thinking about little things to tell her in the morning and then I remembered she’s not here. You know, those random little stories that form the fabric of daily life but aren’t realy worth the trouble of writing a whole e-mail about them.

That’s why we have blogs, right?

Case in point: This morning Gabriel saw a helicopter flying by in the near distance – it was bright red, so it stood out well against the pale blue morning sky – he was so fascinated by it. Every now and then he would point out the window and go “Bzhzhzhzzz! Copt! Copt!” with a look of wide-eyed seriousness on his face. As soon as Terry got up, Gabe had to tell Dada all about it too. Adorable.

So much happened in the last two weeks, I don’t even know where to start in trying to record at least the highlights. I can easily tell you the lowlights! (That’s why my nickname is Eeyore! You can also call me Puddleglum!)

1. Gabriel suddenly discovered that he can choose to stay awake and play instead of going right to sleep when put down for the night. This has turned bedtime into a prolonged ordeal, from my perspective, and cut a deep hole into my night sleeping hours. Thus, time I used to spend blogging I’ve now consigned to trying to nap.
2. Valerie had a 24-hour stomach bug (or perhaps food poisoning, although we can’t figure out from what) wherein she threw up five times between naptime and bedtime, and then three more times during the night. The cutest moment during all of that was when she was holding a little blue pitcher on her lap, looking into it, and said “all that yuck will come out your mouth and jump into the pitcher. Jump jump jump! And then we will throw it in the potty.” Poor little Pooh was so, so sick. It was nice, though, that she’s reached the point where she can anticipate the need to throw up and ask for a bucket.
3. Gabriel was sick, too, with a brief fever in the night followed by diarrhea and vomiting in the morning. I don’t know if it was the same thing Valerie had or somethig different. He only threw up once, and she didn’t have a fever, so I’m suspecting different. I’m very glad they both recovered quickly.
4. I’ve been dealing with plugged ducts for the first time with nursing Gabriel. I used to get this a lot more with Valerie for some reason (possibly less experience nursing?) It’s very painful but I think getting better.
5. The weather was pretty icky the whole time my mom was here, save a few partly-sunny days that weren’t too cold to go out. So we spent a lot of time indoors, which was not bad in and of itself, but I was disappointed we didn’t get to show her more of Albania or even the environs outside Tirana.

I think for me some of the highlights of her visit were going out to lunch together just the two of us after my Albanian lesson, and steam-baking coffee cakes one afternoon. Valerie loved the cake and has been asking continually for more! Mom's last day here was kind of a nice day out, so we took the bus to Tirana International Hotel and then walked back around Skenderbeg Square (more like an oval) to the Millenium Café on the pedestrian mall that we in our family refer to as the “rainbow walk.” The café was empty but for a gardener and a cat, and the kids had a blast playing in the empty playground. We got popcorn and juice at the cinema that is part of the complex, then walked down to the taxi stand and bought some roasted chestnuts there before heading home.

(if you look closely, you can see my mom in a red jacket taking a photo of the square,

while Valerie runs up the steps towards her)

As when my sister visited, I was struck by how much the kids absorb our attention and energy and how hard it is to actually sit down and have a conversation since we’re constantly being interrupted. We have a fairly child-centered approach to parenting although we do try to set some boundaries around parental needs too.

On the other hand, Valerie is really and truly learning to read right now! It’s totally amazing to me. She’s not even four! She can recognize, sound out, and spell around 30 words right now. She loves using her letter blocks or alphabet puzzle to make words (stuff like cat, hat, big, pig, fox, box, but also frog and goat!). I want to get her some Dick and Jane books, I think she’d master those pretty quickly.

Gabriel is talking more and more, adding new words – or at least approximations of them – all the time (cf. “copt” for helicopter).

So that’s my update; I just remembered there was also the birthday party we all went to, and that I forgot to take my camera to, that was a lot of fun and a further little glimpse into life in Tirana. So stay tuned!

Ouch

The bad news is that G has been sick with stomatitis - Valerie had it at about the same age, which helped me recognize what it was even after the doctor told us it was probably a respiratory infection (at that point he had a fever but the cold sores hadn't really fully developed on his tongue yet). It's kind of interesting to compare, actually - I don't recall that she ever had much of a fever, although her outbreaks looked much, much worse (bleeding gums, ugh), and she also didn't seem to be in as much pain - she ate a lot better than he has been.

Monday morning Terry woke me up saying G felt kind of hot and might have a fever. He was burning up. By the late afternoon the fever went up to 102, and Tuesday evening went up to 103. It would go down in the day but then up in the early evening. And he was miiiiiiiiserable. All day Tuesday, all he wanted to do was lie in my arms and nurse. He didn't want to eat anything, and on Wednesday I realized that he was having difficulty swallowing. The front of his clothes were drenched in drool (so at first we thought it was teething pain). He wanted food, he would point to it and go "eh eh" in this pitiful voice but one bite, and then he'd spit it out crying in pain.

Sooooo heartbreaking.

Thursday I took him to the clinic and they said the back of his throat looked red. I'd noticed his gums were getting red, too, but the doctor didn't think much of that. She said it wasn't strep, but to watch for blisters on his hands and feet. Otherwise she was pretty sure it would turn out to be a respiratory tract thing.

But Shpresa and I both noticed little sores on his tongue later that day, and when I got a good look at them I recognized stomatitis.

Since he couldn't eat food, we've been giving him herbal tea with honey in it, and what clear broths he could manage. Plus breastfeeding of course, his preferred food. He could sometimes take a few spoonfuls of very milky oatmeal. But he hasn't pooped since Friday.

The good news is that he seems to be on the upswing now. He ate a good deal of actual noodle soup yesterday, and this morning woke up a little more bright eyed and bushy tailed (in the immortal words of my father) :-) with actual smiles, and the fun-loving look in his eyes was back. He hasn't had a fever since what, Friday? I think? He's drooling less and I can hear him swallowing his saliva from time to time.

The other good news is that since it's a virus that Valerie has already had, I don't have to worry about him giving it to her. In fact she very well might have given it to him!

I'm worn out, though. His sleep at night has been terrible due to the pain in his mouth. Think about how much a cold sore hurts and then imagine having them all over your gums and three on your tongue. Terry's been away on a work trip for two nights. I think we coped really well the past two days all things considered, but I'm ready for a nap!!!

An assortment of updates (*updated)

So, there are a few random topics I've written about here that I thought I might follow up on.

1) "Breast is Best" in Albania

When I asked for advice at the clinic where we took Gabriel for his 4-month well baby visit, specifically about his waking up to nurse every 2 hours, I basically got a textbook response about how to breastfeed your baby successfully, which was fine, but didn't really help me solve my problem. Anyway, I've learned since then that exclusively breastfeeding for the first 6 months is NOT the norm here, even though people do seem to appreciate the value of breastfeeding. According to an American woman I met who is a La Leche League Leader in the US, people here tend to switch pretty early to cow's milk, rice milk, and/or a combination of the two, sometimes as early as 2 months.

The woman who comes to clean our apartment once a week (who I thought was our landlord's wife, but isn't, I've since learned) tells me EVERY SINGLE TIME she comes that I need to be giving Gabriel FOOD, not just mother's milk; the reason he wakes up so much at night is he's hungry. SHE weaned her babies at 1 month old and gave them cow's milk, yoghurt, and fruit. The last time she was here, she grabbed Valerie's yoghurt off the table and shoved a spoonful into Gabriel's mouth! He spit it out and made a hilarious face. I was kind of annoyed but I didn't know how to ask her politely not to do that in my limited Shqip. Standard pediatric advice nowadays is to wait at least a year to introduce babies to cow's milk, because baby humans don't digest it very well as it is best suited for baby calves. And also because of potential allergic reactions.

2) I've also realized that what I thought were grandmothers doing nanny duty are - well, many of them probably ARE grandmothers, but they're actually nannies as well - the kids they are watching aren't they're own grandkids. It seems most mothers here work outside the home, at least once the 1-year paid maternity leave is over. Yep that's right - ONE YEAR PAID. It's not full pay, I've heard both 100% for 6 months and then 80% for six months, and I've also heard 80% for 6 months and 20% for 6 months. But still. NICE.

3) I don't know exactly how much weight I've lost since we came here but all my pants are way too big. Certainly all the baby weight is gone.

Off to play with Valerie now.

Vignettes

Veze (there's supposed to be an umlaut over the second e)

On Thursday, I went to the corner grocery near our place to buy eggs. There was a whole big deli section full of meats and cheeses and olives of all kinds, but look high and low as I might I could find no eggs. Terry had said there were eggs there, so finally I approached the man behind the counter and said "eggs?" I pointed to a display of chocolate eggs hoping this might help facilitate communication.

"Chocolat," he said.

"Um... real eggs? Huevos?" I tried. "Eggs?"

The light bulb went on: "Ah! Veze! Jo, jo," he shook his head no, and reached behind the counter for a sample - a cracked egg. So, no eggs for breakfast on Saturday, but I had the satisfaction of communicating at least.

All Forlorn

We were walking home through the nearest park the other day and saw a little guy, maybe 8 years old, asleep in the middle of the sidewalk on a flattened piece of cardboard. His clothes and skin were dirty and he was very thin. He was fast asleep as people walked past, stepping carefully around him. There was a bag of popcorn by his head. (Now, writing this, all I can think of is the other guys who weren't the Good Samaritan.)

We've been told that during the communist era one didn't see this kind of abject poverty, nor the concentrations of wealth that exist now either. Not that Tirana strikes me as a hugely wealthy city - we went through the posh district and it was quite modest compared to Lima, or even Santa Cruz (Bolivia).

It was heartbreaking. I guess it's also why we're here.

"Breast Is Best" In Albania

Saturday afternoon we took the family out for our daily jaunt around the city, and walked to an extensive wooded park next to a lake. A wide brick road curved up over a hill past a snack kiosk; joggers and grandmothers pushing strollers passed us both ways. A group of old men sat on stumps in a circle playing cards while others lounged lakeside in their skivvies. It was a pleasant place, and Valerie had the time of her life playing with a small dog on a leash held by an indulgent gentleman.

On the way back, Gabriel started fussing and I realized he was hungry, so I sat down on a park bench to nurse him while Terry took Valerie to buy a snack. I wondered what Albanians might think of public breastfeeding but figured what the heck, I KNOW I look like a foreigner so hopefully they'll just avert their eyes if it bothers them. We settled in, listening to the sound of Michael Jackson classics ("Billie Jean," mostly) piped over a loudspeaker at what I surmised was a birthday party nearby. Nobody seemed put out by the fact that a baby was taking his repast in the park. Then a tall, tanned and toned couple walked by, maybe in their early 50s, and the man leaned in to say "Bravo! Bravo!"

"Thank you," I said, and he added in accented English, "is the best thing!" and gave me a thumbs-up.

***

Pictures coming soon - I put a lot up on Facebook but I'll get some up here too. They just take a long time to load on blogger for some reason.

Two months!

Gabriel is two months old today! Does his right cheek look bigger than his left to you? It does to me. He has a dimple although you can't see it in this picture.

We're in the midst of packing up our house to move out for two years, so stressed and exhausted. But having two little ones means we're also forced to stop and enjoy life. This morning we all took a walk to Red Front for a few groceries - Valerie in the stroller, Gabriel in the Bjorn. He fell asleep instantly as soon as we set out and slept the whole walk there and back. We had to go the long way around too, so Valerie wouldn't see the playground...

Gabriel is such a sweetheart. When I change his diaper he looks into my eyes and grins. He sleeps soundly at night, though he's still waking up every 3-4 hours or so (sometimes more) to nurse. But he goes back to sleep quickly. We've sort of started sleep training in that I'm working on establishing regular nap times, and putting him down still awake. It mostly works. Some days he's just fussy and takes a lot of wrangling, and he often wants to eat much sooner than my schedule says he should. But the fact that he CAN fall asleep on his own without any props or without being rocked or nursed to sleep is such a blessing, and I want to reinforce it as much as possible.

We've been using cloth diapers off and on, and the funny thing is that even with the disposable ones, he really hates being wet!

He's holding his head up really well and although I don't have proof, I believe he's over 13 pounds now - meaning he's about doubled his birth weight in two months!!! He's incredibly efficient at nursing - usually under 5 minutes. Still swallows air, but is burping better and hardly spitting up at all (with a few memorable exceptions). The gassiness is much improved. Whether it was the chiropractor, the probiotics, evening out our supply-and-demand, or a combination of all three, I'm very glad. I have learned the hard way, however, that I really MUST avoid dairy. The past 2 Friday nights I ate lots of cheese and the past 2 Saturday nights were pretty miserable, on into Sunday. So no more cheese. Or ice cream, or milk. Sad. Well, it won't be forever.

Valerie is doing much better with him as well, although if she's tired or hungry or both, she can't tolerate the smallest noise from him. But if she's happy and content she doesn't mind him, and will now even say "Beebee!" when she sees him, which is cute.

He's so soft and fuzzy and squishy and huggable, I'm trying to remember to soak up all the delicious baby-ness of him while it lasts, to kiss those adorable cheeks and rub his downy hair against my face. Such a sweetie.

Quick while he naps

Saturday Gabriel - or Gici, as we call him here - it means Piglet in Albanian - was one month old, and I meant like crazy to write a nice blog post about him but, well, it's been a little hectic around here.

He's been gaining A POUND A WEEK. Fat rolls have developed around his thighs, his wrists are creased and his hands dimpled. He's about to bust out of his newborn-sized onesies. He feels like a huge chunk of baby in my arms so it always takes me by surprise when people see him for the first time and say "look, how tiny!"

Our main saga this first month of life with Gabriel - apart from Valerie's angst - has been his gassiness. About 10 days ago it got to the point where I feared he had acid reflux, and we took him to the doctor, who said no, with that kind of weight gain it was more likely overfeeding. He was nursing every hour or hour and a half round the clock - ok, maybe 2 hours at night - and spitting up after every feeding and often in between.

I'd always heard that you can't overfeed a breastfed baby, so this was surprising to me, but we followed the recommendation to use a pacifier to space his feedings slowly further and further apart with the goal of 3 hours apart in the day and 4 hours apart in the night. And it worked, as far as the spit-up goes. For a good 12 hours after our visit to the doctor he was even fairly gas-free. But the gassiness started up again in the form of grunting and fussing every time I laid him down to sleep. I knew from our first peds appt. that he swallows a lot of air when he nurses - very noisy eater, lots of clicks and whistles - so I was just working on burping him as much as possible, and we also started using gas drops to try to get the burps out better.

So Thursday I went to an "ask-a-nurse" group for new mothers; the nurse there is a lactation consultant as well and very knowledgable. It was GREAT - I can't wait for the next one. :-) As an LC, of course she said "you can't overfeed a breastfed baby," and instead confirmed what I'd been reading online - that the problem was an oversupply of milk. He wanted to eat constantly because he was only getting the thin sweet foremilk and not enough of the richer hindmilk. She recommended pumping off the excess after feeding him, seeing how much it was, and then pumping that off before feeding him the next time, slowly tapering down the amount of excess milk pumped off, until we reached an equilibrium. Well, I did what she suggested and got an astonishing 4 oz. of milk off AFTER he'd nursed! Just on one side! The odd thing was, though, that was it for excess. The very next time I nursed him I had just enough to fill him up, with less than 1/2 an oz after. So we have reached our equilibrium there.

The other thing the nurse said is that Gabriel has an unusually high palate; the roof of his mouth is domed quite high. This is not a problem per se, it just means it makes it hard for him to maintain a tight latch and that's why he swallows so much air. She said we could try using a nipple shield to help his latch. I finally went and got one and figured out how to use it, but he doesn't like it - he bites down now when I use it so I'm not sure it's a solution.

So that leaves us with just burping him. During the day it's easy; I'm up and about and I can carry him around in the front carrier (either the baby bjorn or the ella roo wrap) and in that position he eventually burps it all out on his own and is quite happy. Nights are harder. I can spend an hour after nursing him getting all the burps out, only to have to get up again a half hour later to get another bubble out. I think also at night I'm just not as patient or as alert and so we end up doing this up-and-down dance for up to five hours. I'm pretty exhausted.

Valerie never really needed burping so it was a cinch to nurse her lying down and then we'd both drift off to sleep.

oops - he's awake. More later.

One Week

Gabriel is one week old today! Our angelito is sleeping on my lap as I type. He's doing really well. We had a check-up on Monday, where we learned that he'd gained 2 oz. since we left the hospital Friday, which was great news to me since I'd been worried about his sleepiness while nursing. He tends to fall asleep after just 5-10 minutes, although then he'll wake up an hour and a half later for more - especially at night! They had us check his bilirubin levels, which are 13 (22 or higher needs treatment); just to get the blood drawn we had to wait TWO HOURS at the hospital lab which was pretty much NOT our first choice for how to spend the day... but oh well. It worked out.

Our first night home was rough, but we seem to have evened out a bit. Terry re-organized our room (he's sleeping in a bassinet next to our bed) and put in an A/C unit so it's been quite nice, and the system seems to be working well (of course, at this point the system also hinges on Grandma Irma doing a ton of laundry...)

I've found that my recovery has been much easier and faster this second time around, which isn't to say it's been a breeze - I had quite a bit of back pain, especially the first few days, and could only manage to sleep sitting upright. I felt quite like I'd spent the night on an airplane. I can lie flat now and it's heavenly. Yesterday I went to the chiropractor, and today I stopped taking my pain meds altogether and feel quite achy, but nothing unmanageable.

We've also managed two family outings already - a brief foray to our Star Trek group Monday night, and last night to a DREAM Act fundraiser at Qdoba. It felt good to get out and sniff the air - especially since we've been getting rain!

Wha'....?

So... Valerie has QUIT NURSING. Pretty close to cold turkey. Since Friday morning she has only nursed once - Saturday at the Arboretum. I have no idea why, she just doesn't want it anymore!

I'm both elated and sad!

Answers

So the nurse says it is stomatitis (I had her spell it for me), and it should go away on its own in 5-7 days, although the web site says 10. Looking back, I remember now that I noticed a little red granule on V's tongue maybe 5-6 days ago, which has since developed into what looks like a double canker sore. Poor little thing - I'm glad she's eating as well as she is, all things considered. Tonight she ate a lot of green peas, and some applesauce with pureed spinach mixed into it. Thankfully she's been drinking plenty of water. The nurse said the main thing is to head off the dehydration. And she's still nursing plenty. So we just have to wait it out.

Gums

This morning I noticed that V's gums around her top and bottom front teeth were all inflamed and red. I took a toothbrush to her teeth and INSTANT BLOOD - oh so sad! I googled "toddler bleeding gums" and it came up all about gingivitis and taking her to to the dentist. But B. thinks it's all about the teething. She (V) also has two cold sores on the tip of her tongue.

POOR BABY!

No wonder all she wants to eat is yoghurt, applesauce, mushy peas, oatmeal, and mama's milk. And her usual morning egg yolks (hard boiled).

I feel so bad about nursing her to sleep and not brushing her teeth better. She is getting two new bottom teeth and we've been putting Orajel on them, which has definitely helped her sleep better since Saturday. I'm pretty sure the redness/bleeding is new as of this morning. So maybe it will pass quickly as well.

Anyone else have experience with this?

Sixteen months!

Valerie is sixteen months today! Since I recently did a "milestones" post, maybe I can just do a "day in the life" post.

This is our new routine.

Valerie wakes up sometime around 6 a.m. Since Daddy is on night duty, he brings her up to me and I either nurse her in our bed or take her back downstairs to nurse. Daddy goes back to bed for 1-2 more hours of shut-eye.

After nursing, Valerie goes straight for her books - she pulls them off the shelf and I groggily read a few of them to her. I change her diaper while singing a song (usually "The Wheels on the Bus," with our own added verses, e.g. "the tractors on the bus go brrrm brrrm brrrm!") and then go play in the living room while I make breakfast.

For breakfast she eats two egg yolks, some of my oatmeal, and a piece of fruit - as much as she wants. Often we watch youtube videos of farm animals, or read books while eating breakfast. Then we play in the living room while I get dressed, put pants and shoes on her (she sleeps in a clean onesie, which is then what she wears for the next day), and get her bag ready for the babysitter. If we have time and if she cooperates I might wash the dishes, do a load of laundry, or knit a little bit.

She likes to play with her electronic keyboard that plays "Old MacDonald" when you stick a certain block on it. Another current favorite is the Princess puzzle from Aunt Anita, or the Lego dinosaur with Lego cavemen that ride on its back, from Grandma Irma. She's getting quite good at the puzzle! Some days we go outside and watch the neighbor boys ride off to school on their bikes, or sit in the neighbor's gazebo and play in their sandbox. We have great neighbors. :-) She also likes to feed their dog a snack, and even if we have no treat for him, will extend her hand towards him and make smacking noises with her lips. She does the same thing with her toy animals - tries to feed them books, even!

A little before 9 we head out to B's house, where I drop her off for the morning. During the drive she likes to look at her Baby Einstein lift-a-flap book that has musical buttons as well. Actually pretty much any lift-a-flap book will do - she LOVES them right now.

After I drop her off I drive away crying and try not to think about how much I miss her.

At noonish I go pick her up and hear a report of how the morning went. She's been doing great over there! She's playing well with baby E. and yesterday got all rambunctious with the two dogs! They are very gentle dogs although full of energy. Evidently she would deliberately run into them, fall down, and laugh her head off!

We go home, have lunch (often not much because by this time she's very tired), and then nap for a couple hours.

Yes, she is down to one nap a day!

Sometimes I nap too, sometimes I do other stuff. Like blog. Like right now. :-)

After nap we go do something fun, sometimes with Daddy, sometimes just us, depending on if he has class or meetings. On Mondays, she goes to Grandma Dot's for a few hours and I get even MORE stuff done!

Then supper around 6, then bed.

Since she went to one nap, she's been falling asleep a little earlier, within a half hour of 8:00, and I think sleeping in a little later - say 6:30ish. Although, she's also been waking for about an hour every night as well. So I'm not sure what her total hours of sleep are in any given 24 hour period, but I'm SURE it is less than average. Oh well.

Speaking of sleep... I think I'm going to go try and grab some right now myself, while I have the chance!!!

Thankful

It's all good news today: even though Valerie woke up at 5 this morning, she went back to sleep at 6 for another TWO HOURS! Since she went down at 8 last night, that gave her a total of 11 hours of sleep! Fantastic! So even though we had to rush to get to the babysitter's on time before my 10 a.m. meeting, I was glad.

And she had a great day with B. and baby E. I'm so happy. She cried and clung to me when I left, but soon calmed down, B says, and was fine the rest of the 3 hours I left her there. She was happy to see me at noon, and wanted to nurse immediately, but that's normal for her - she does the same thing when I leave her with Grandma. Yay! She was happy and content all the way home and ate a good lunch, and is now napping. Again, yay!

I think she is feeling better from the cold that she's had since Friday, which came immediately after a bout with roseola. All this on top of cutting her first-year molars. She's had a rough couple of weeks.

I have incredible piles of housework to catch up on, and grocery shopping. Hopefully we can get through some of that this afternoon.

one more cute thing

Tonight when I was nursing Valerie to sleep, she sat up and made (her version of) the sign for "butterfly"... because she wanted to nurse on "the other side"... Maybe it's coincidence, but maybe she's really using homophones to communicate! Through signs!

Thirteen Months Old Today

I have decided that I am, more or less, on vacation. That means not trying to do any academic work at the moment. Since we got back from Dallas, it's been all about settling into our home and routine and spending lots and lots of time focused on Valerie. I mean really focused, not just meeting her daily needs from moment to moment, but sinking attention and energy into her like water on soil. Thankfully it's not just me - but Terry and Grandma Dot and Grandpa Vern and her babysitter Rhoda as well, and our circle of friends to varying degrees.

Sometime between Saturday and Sunday I felt her settling into our home and routine herself. It really took a full week. From the beginning of May, it's been a revolving door of change and readjustments, and she took it well overall. But it was beginning to wear on her, and by the tiem we got back from Dallas (after the week of immunization-fevers and allergy rash as well) she was pretty worn out, I think. Mostly this manifested through sleep issues (of course) - waking around 3 times every night, uneven napping, and restless sleep - at least once every night it would take around an hour to settle her back to sleep. As of last night, this is abating.

I have been nursing her down since our move to Ithaca, both for the initial going to sleep and for the night waking. During our first few weeks in Ithaca she was still mostly sleeping through the night, but little by little that eroded. And even then, she would never go to sleep without crying at least for a few minutes (although never more than a half an hour). Now, thankfully, we seem to have found our bedtime rhythm and she's been going down really smoothly. As of last night, she still woke up 3-4 times, but she didn't have that restlessness so I think we are on a good trajectory.

So what is she up to at 13 months?

• Working on walking! Tara and Aaron generously gave us the little riding toy in the previous post's picture, and she LOOOOOOOOOVES it!! She pushes it around all over the place, and it really seems to be supporting her walking practice.
• She is going to be an athlete, because she loves to play with balls! She has 8 now (I counted) of varying sizes and textures. She still loves the game my mom invented, where we put her in the Pack'n'Play and toss a ball into it and she throws it out again. She's getting better at throwing them too.
• She is going to be a scholar, because she loves her books! The last time I counted a few days ago, she had 56. And that's not counting the mini Tonka books or the books at Grandma Dot's! Since then she was given a set of Little Golden Books but I'm not sure how many are in it.
• She is babbling ever more distinctly and coherently. Her two all-purpose words right now are "Up" and "Ba," although she modifies the vowel sound following the B, depending on the word she means: ball, bird, balloon, banana, blueberry, bear, etc. "Up" means: up, down, take me over there. She also growls "rrrraaaa!" to indicate a bear or lion (toy or picture), and says "babababa" in a high-pitched voice to imitate a chicken squawk (copying the way I do it: "bok-bok-bok-bok-bok-AWK!")*
• She is signing a lot: ball, hat, dog, duck, bye-bye, and the one she invented (derived from the "zoom zoom zoom" rhyme) where she brushes her hands together as though brushing off dirt, which means "sing me a song," "tell me a story," or "keep singing," or sometimes just "again." She also waves her hand like a conductor when I'm supposed to sing a song to go with one of her books. And she points expertly :-)
• Today we invented a new game where I tossed all her stuffed toys into the crib, and then she would throw out the one I asked for: dog, cat, Superman, etc. It was so cool to learn which ones she was able to identify!
• She is eating really well! This was another area of development that suffered with our latest trip; she went back to nursing 7-8 times a day (instead of 3-4 as previously) and ate very little solid food. Now she's really putting it away. She especially likes black beans, avocado, blueberries, salmon, applesauce, and hummus, but chicken made her throw up the other day. So no meat (other than salmon). She's also eating cottage cheese now, in small portions. She does NOT like her food warm, she definitely prefers it room temperature or cold. She also eats bananas, pears, apples, green beans, potatoes, and more I can't even list it all. She's a good eater.
• She continues, overall, to be an active, curious, delight and joy to our hearts.

* Historical note: my first word was evidently "coco," which is what chickens say in Spanish (co-co-co-co-co)

So Tell Me About Your Day...

The voice on NPR describes agonizing cuts in research funding - post-docs and graduate students losing their stipends, labs shutting down - as I drive to the library to print out my research grant application. I notice that the registration on our car expired ten months ago and so try to stay within 10 mph over the posted speed limit. I run into the computer lab, thinking "wouldn't you know, it figures." As I dash from there to the FedEx office, four copies of the application in hand, my cell phone chimes with a text from my husband: "Val asleep, bring pizza, very hungry." Pizza??? I think irritably. Where am I supposed to get a pizza? Why can't he call for delivery? Because the delivery person would ring the doorbell and that might wake her up. I picture my sleeping baby and oh, how I miss her. Almost home.

I spent the last five hours in front of the computer at a coffee shop, hammering out the final details of the application. I'm not so good at details. Even though I was hurt when someone described me to a mutual acquaintance as having my head in the clouds, the shoe fits. So I spent most of my time working on the conceptual framing of the grant application - thinking in grand theoretical strokes, broad abstractions. Language, identity, meaning. I nearly forgot that I had to submit a detailed budget as well. And a bibliography. And my CV. And the cover sheet.

Ok - home now. I creep in the back door as quietly as I can, and slide the frozen pizza onto the counter. I grab a slice of bread and find my husband sitting in the lazy boy with the baby asleep in his arms. I feed him the bread as he catches me up in a whisper on the afternoon and the babysitter's report. So frustrated - baby didn't sleep at all until after 4:30, and then only when held.

I kind of hit a breaking point though when I go to the bathroom and find the toilet bowl filled with crap - Crap! I'd forgotten to flush before leaving the house (see, there's some kind of leak or drip going on, so we turn off the water between flushes, and have to remember to turn it on again when needed)... I think with horror of the babysitter lifting the toilet lid to find... THIS. Then I see the cloth diaper in the bathtub... and remember I'd forgotten to tell her that there were more disposables in the backpack by the door... I feel so defeated. The adrenaline rush from finishing up the grant in time to overnight it by deadline drains from my body. I feel exhausted. How is it that I am so incapable of running a household?

I flush the toilet, then go downstairs to hang up laundry (see, our dryer is busted, so instead of getting it fixed we're line-drying everything...). Upstairs, I draw the curtains - or, rather, the sheets that we are using for curtains - and turn on the oven to heat for the pizza. Baby wakes up. She looks right at me, cries, reaches out her little arms. I gather her up and sit down to nurse her. Here little bare feet are the most precious thing I have ever seen or held. I feel myself begin to relax. And so it is evening, another day.

sleep update

At the risk of boring my readers, but in the interest of documentation, I just want to quickly update the sleep situation: since we got back from Ithaca, Valerie has only been waking up 2-3 times at night. The biggest change we made was to sleep on the floor in our dining room/office. She is now sleeping in our bedroom by herself. The routine that is working well is as follows:

1. The usual bedtime ritual (put away toys, play lullaby CD, bath, pajamas, books), starting around 7:30 p.m.
2. When she is done with the books, she turns towards me and head-butts me in the chest. That is my cue to turn off the light and nurse her.
3. I nurse her until she throws herself back with a stretch and a sigh. That is my cue she is done.
4. I say "time to sleep in your own little bed" and lay her down in the pack-n-play (Terry thought it felt cozier that the crib at this point)
5. She rolls over and goes to sleep, sometime around 8:00 p.m.

Sometimes she gets up and wants another cuddle or to nurse just another minute or two, but from #2-#5 has not taken any longer than 10 minutes since we got back Sunday night. I say 4 nights in a row constitutes a pattern.

The other regularity in the past four nights is that she'll sleep for three hours, then wake up and cry. Terry and only Terry goes in to soothe her back down. This can take from 30 minutes to an hour with varying amounts of crying. He gives her water but not milk. She may wake up one more time 2 hours later, but 2 nights she hasn't, and has slept through until morning.

Between 6 and 7 she wakes up hungry and I nurse her (only on one side, so no more overfeeding to the point of throwing up). We might get another 30-40 minutes' sleep (her, not me) in the lazy boy. When she starts sitting up and cooing/babbling, I figure it's morning and I turn on the lights and open the curtains and we play. At that point Terry goes into the bedroom for another quick sleep until he has to get up for work.

Since I've stopped being the nap nazi, I wait until she's good and ready to go down. Today she was up at about 6:15, and just went down for her nap 4 hours later.

Once we really solidly establish a good night's sleep, we want to move her bedroom upstairs so we can reclaim our room downstairs.

stress

Terry thinks he sees improvement, but I'm running on empty. Even two nights away didn't touch my exhaustion. This morning when I came home she nursed until she threw up again. She won't eat anything but cheerios. We're going to take her to the pediatrician on Friday and see if we can get some help there. I'm going to see my therapist this afternoon to talk about how to cope with the stress and frustration I'm feeling. My babysitters keep getting sick. Thank God for Grandma!

Baby Whisperer Day 9: Terry Springs Eternal

For some reason around the house, we started saying "Terry springs eternal" instead of "hope springs eternal," I guess because he's more optimistic than I am, usually. We've also been repeating a quote from Pratchett about not giving people bread today, but bread tomorrow - that will keep them going a lot longer. Anyway.

So I had a long phone confab today with my attatchment Phd friend, and got a picture of how we might do a sort-of "let her cry" approach to wean her of the night waking habit. But for tonight we decided to stick with our Baby Whisperer approach that we've been doing so far. The one change is that I'm going to sleep at my in-laws' house so that I can get a full night's sleep. So yes, no more night nursing. Last night we made it until 5 a.m. then I gave in. She ate and ate and ate and then threw up on me. And then went right to sleep for two more hours.

I am really looking forward to sleeping. Terry is going to hold down the fort here armed only with a bottle of water and the "shush-pat." But then the following night, it's my turn. Medically, she's old enough to go all night without needing to feed.

Right now she's asleep, after the easiest bedtime yet!!! It took only 3 minutes, and I only had to pick her up twice, before she started burrowing into her favorite corner of the crib and then went to sleep. WOW. This is definitely progress.

Milk for Baby

This post is all about the impact of the new sleep regime on breastfeeding, so those not interested in reading about that can skip this one!

The first night that she slept in her crib, I got so engorged I had to go into the kitchen at 3 a.m. and hand-express what I could into a cup. Not the most effective method, but otherwise the sheets were going to absorb the excess. I didn't want to pump because I thought it might be too loud.

Over the week that followed, I realized that since I wasn't nursing her all night long anymore, my supply was really taking a hit. She's still nursing at least 5x a day (I'm counting) but when I tried to pump in between times I got NOTHIN'. That was discouraging. We didn't have any milk to mix with her rice cereal. We finally broke down and bought some formula, so we at least have it at hand should the need arise. Meanwhile, I started drinking Mother's Milk tea again and eating oatmeal for breakfast again.

Just now, I pumped 2.5 oz! So happy!

Oh! And! It's now over two hours into the second nap and she's still sleeping!!! I had to resettle her one more time at 3:00. But I'm so glad - poor baby was so tired!