toddler talk

Over the past 3 weeks or so, Valerie has made a big jump in her talking after a long plateau. Between her 18-month and 2-year checkups, she really didn't add very many words - maybe 5? Now all of a sudden she's trying to say a lot more - it's really fun :-) She's not enunciating very clearly, but she is trying to say:

fix
fork
ouch
three
tree
pee
puppy (sounds more like "pough," rhyming with "dough")
woof
bow wow
...and a bunch more I can't remember right now but will come back and add to the list as I hear her say them. And other words she's been saying for awhile, she's enunciating more clearly.

She's also finally learned how to jump with both feet off the ground! She loves to dance around the living room, pointing to the CD player as each track changes - she'll say "two!" or "free" (three), "sic," (six), and "eight" when she sees those numbers. She likes to "stand like Daddy" with her legs wide apart and knees flexed.

She is so much fun!

non-stress test and biophysical profile

Welcome to the world of prenatal monitoring! Here are two terms you may or may not be familiar with:

Non-stress test, or NST: The name of this test sent me to Google to find out what a "stress test" might be. There isn't such a thing, per se, but the non-stress test is in contrast to the contraction stress test (CST) where mild contractions are induced to see how the baby responds under those conditions. During an NST, there are two monitors strapped to the mother's belly: one at the top of the uterus to measure spontaneous contractions, and the other lower down to pick up the baby's heartbeat. I had a LOT of NSTs when I was hospitalized with Valerie, and now I'm to have them twice a week. Basically they graph the heart-rate in conjunction with movement, and want to see the baby's heart rate speed up and slow down as s/he moves more and less vigorously.

Our NST today earned a 10/10 rating, which is perfect - BBJ did great with the moving around and kicking and heart beating etc. The machine picked up one contraction, which I felt also - I don't always feel them because at this stage they are very sporadic and mild. They're called Braxton-Hicks contractions when they're not actually labor contractions. I was having a lot more of them earlier before going on bed-rest.

Biophysical Profile: this is a specific kind of ultrasound - not in terms of how it's done, but in terms of what they are measuring. They're looking for three markers of healthy baby: good amount of amniotic fluid, lungs moving (they practice breathing by inhaling amniotic fluid), and practicing sucking. They also measure head, femur, and abdomen to calculate weight (although this can be somewhat inaccurate). BBJ is measuring around 4 lbs 5 oz which is great for 32 weeks, and he's doing everything he's supposed to be doing in utero. And he's still a boy :-)

I'll be having these ultrasounds once a week until we deliver. And I'll be doing repeat urinalysis each week as well.

And if I needed proof that bed rest is where I need to be, I got it Saturday evening - we had a friend visiting from DC and even though I tried to suppress my hostessing urges, my BP was really high that night and then down again the next day to the range where it was before her visit. So, visitors are great - but I really do need to keep quiet and keep visits short, especially in the evening when combined with dinnertime and bedtime for Valerie I tend to expend more energy than I should.

birthday

My sister put together a great set of photos for my dad's birthday which I will shamelessly link to here - happy birthday Dad, love you!

Great news!!!

We got the lab results back - proteinuria down from 1,716 to 284!!!! Incredible! So thankful and glad and amazed. I'm to stay on bedrest at home and drink lots of fluids, keep monitoring blood pressure, and they'll see me on Monday.

still waiting

I took my re-do sample to the lab this morning, and they said they should have results "by the end of the day." So meantime, I'm just going to rest. It's been hard to sleep at night because I wake up to go to the bathroom, and then sometimes I have a hard time falling asleep again because my mind is spinning thinking about everything. But I thought to myself this morning, "I guess this is my labor." I will probably never have the chance to experience a normal labor and delivery, but this processing, preparation, and trying to work with my body is the closest I will get. And it is "work."

Overall, the emotional journey has been easier this time than last. I have a better idea what to expect. I'm not as terrified of the idea of a cesarean as I was last time (even though it wasn't what I wanted either time, and I was hoping to try for a VBAC with this one...). I like my doctors. What is most distressing to me is the idea of being away from Valerie for a long period of time (well, that and concern that Baby Boy Jantzi - aka BBJ - will end up in the NICU) and worrying about how she'll cope with me not being here for the morning and evening routines. But at the same time I know she will be well and lovingly cared for - we have a veritable village coming together with both sets of grandparents going to be here plus our very capable babysitter who V. is quite attached to as well.

There has been an overflow of loving support through the friends and family networks that I appreciate so much. People I haven't seen or talked to in years sending good wishes and praying for us. Thank you all so much. Your love is palpable.

Laury

Public service announcement:
By the way, the Preeclampsia Foundation has a very informative web site if you want to learn more about this condition.

***

This morning I called my therapist's office to see about either canceling my Monday morning appointment, or doing it over the phone. The office receptionist said she had bad news. Dr. G. passed away two weeks ago, just three days after I last saw her.

I'm kind of in shock, it really doesn't seem real. I have such a vivid memory of sitting in her office, the needlepoint pillows, the way she would always hand me a tissue. I never got a chance to ask her about the whales and dolphins that populated her space - figurines, sculptures in glass and metal and wood, pictures on the walls, on coffee mugs, even her earrings. Obviously they meant something important to her and I never found out what.

She has a 7-year-old daughter.

I wanted to state here, since I can't tell her in person, how much she has meant to me over the years since I first started seeing her in 2004; how much she has helped me, and how specific things she said to me still stick in my mind like mantras and help me cope with daily life. It really doesn't seem real to me that she's gone.

Limbo

Disclaimer/warning: This post is all about me and my jug o' pee, so if you are of delicate sensibilities and prefer not to read about bodily fluids, feel free to skip this one! I'll just give you the bottom line up front: we are still in limbo and don't know whether I'll need to go on hospital bedrest or not.

***

One of the three markers for pre-eclampsia is the presence of protein in the urine. The other two are high blood pressure and swelling (edema) of the hands and feet. I have high blood pressure, although now I'm not meds that are keeping it in a better place. Last week I did a 24-hour urine catch and this week I'm doing one again.

The benchmark they are looking for is 300 milligrams of protein total in the sample. Anything under that doesn't count, and anything over that is considered a red flag for pre-eclampsia. Mine was 1,700. Yes, you read that right: almost six times the benchmark. Anything over a gram is considered Bad News and some doctors, I learned yesterday, will just go right ahead and deliver the baby immediately with that kind of result. I appreciate that my doctors are a little less alarmist and are willing to wait and see what the results of the second test might be.

If they are still above 1,000 milligrams, then I will be put on hospital bedrest - probably in Charlottesville, about an hour away from here - because they have a NICU and I'm only 31 weeks. If it's lower than that, I may have the option of bedrest at home (oh please oh please!) or at the local hospital (also preferable because easier to see Valerie). My biggest concern is being away from her...

Anyway, so this is how the 24-hour urine catch works: You get a plastic jug, and what they call a "hat" or "bonnet" - a plastic cup with sort of like wings on it, that you put on the toilet before you void (that's the term they use for peeing) your bladder, and it catches all the urine, which you then pour into the jug. The jug needs to be kept chilled. We used a small cooler packed with those frozen blocks that you keep in the freezer. That's it. You collect all your urine over a 24-hour period and then deliver it to the lab.

The convenient thing about the cooler is I can take the jug with me discreetly if I have to go out and about somewhere and continue the urine collection even if I'm not at home.

The inconvenient thing is I have to remember to put the cap back on the jug, which I am very prone to forget. It seems like the act of putting the "bonnet" back in the cooler feels to me like capping something and I feel like I've already packed up what I need to pack up. Or something.

So, today, just as I was arriving at the lab, I heard a slosh from inside the cooler and thought "uh-oh..." and indeed, when I opened it up, I found that I had left the cap off and spilled about a cup of fluid. I know, I know, GROSS. But also, hugely inconvenient. I feel like a prime idiot because now I have to do the test all over again, AND delay getting back the results. They said it wouldn't be accurate if they didn't have 100% of the fluid from the 24-hour period.

The thumping sound you hear is the sound of me banging my head against the wall.

Since I had to register as an outpatient for an accompanying blood draw (which we didn't do either), I kept the hospital band on my wrist in hopes it will remind me not to be so stupid again tomorrow.

So the wait continues.

Again

So here we go again... I've been tracking my blood pressure over the past couple of weeks, and it hasn't been great - flirting with the 140/90 line that raises red flags. So we did a 24-hour urine test and they found significant protein, which is another red flag. Luckily I do not have any swelling in my hands and feet, or other symptoms of pre-eclampsia, but the other two factors are cause for concern.

The plan at this point is to continue monitoring, to rest as much as possible, and to drink lots of liquids (something I never do enough). Today we got a look at the bambino via ultrasound and he's doing great, developing exactly as he should, heart rate and everything else right on track.

Pray I can hold out for another 6 weeks at least...

Valerie is 2!

She loved the birthday pinwheel and balloon

Yes, we did have some friends over, although our little introvert was just as happy running around the neighbor's garden by herself...

After singing "happy birthday" one of the toddlers present asked for "itsy bitsy spider" so we sang that too!

Foggy

So I've been away from the blog for a few weeks - did you notice? :-) It's been hectic the past couple weeks and I'm just starting to catch up with myself. I have ten weeks (give or take) left in this pregnancy, research to finish, a house to organize and pack up, and then all the daily stuff... like taking a shower, eating, that kind of thing. I haven't downloaded Valerie pictures in for, like, ever, but hope to get to that soon too.

What I want most right this minute though... is a NAP.

To party or not to party?

I've simply been too tired to post anything here. I realized today though that Valerie's birthday is a week from Saturday and I need to make a decision about what to do to celebrate - we'll have a family celebration later in the month but I'd still like to mark the day of in some way. Last month we attended her first child's birthday party which she quite frankly did not enjoy very much (my little introvert!) so I'm inclined not to go that route. But cake and balloons at home with a few friends would be nice... she'd like that.

Two years ago

I've been thinking it was today, but when I looked it up saw that it was actually yesterday - two years ago, that I checked into the hospital in Ithaca with symptoms of pre-eclampsia. I was there for 3.5 weeks until Valerie was born, wiggling and weeping with her worried little monkey-face. She was so small!! And has been turning our lives upside-down ever since. I love her so much.

Just for the record...

I love rainy days, and I LOVE having my own office away from home... one small compensation for Terry being away is I have use of his office space.

And V. slept 10.5 hours straight last night! So why am I so groggy that I left my wallet at the coffee shop this morning???

Single Mom-ing Begins

Terry is out of the country for the next 3 weeks, and I'm relaxing in the support network of friends and family. It's been interesting to see V. handling the change. For a week leading up to his departure, we let her know he was going to be gone for a while. I think this actually made her kind of anxious because, being not-yet-two, she doesn't have a very clear sense of time, so she wasn't sure when he was going to be going away. Once he actually left, she seemed a lot more settled, although Sunday morning she was certainly in a MOOD during the time when we normally hang out with Daddy, and he wasn't there - seemed sad and out of sorts.

The main place this anxiety (as I'm diagnosing it) showed up was, of course, her sleep. Terry's last 2 nights here were awful. She resisted bedtime for two hours +, then did her night-waking thing for 2+ more hours and slept in til late. But the first night he was gone, she went down more easily (just 1 hour) though she still did a 2.5-hour waking. The second night, last night, she actually slept straight through! I was ECSTATIC. Even though she woke up for the day at 5:30 a.m., I'd gladly take that anytime over being up with her from 2:00-4:30 a.m. or whatever ungodly hour she chooses.

It has also helped me to hear from her doctor that she's not being willful when she kicks her feet and slaps her hand against the mattress in the middle of the night; she's trying to soothe herself back to sleep and cope with her feelings of insecurity. So instead of getting mad at her I'm able to just be there with her and try to soothe her as well as I can. Rubbing her feet seems to help A LOT, and a friend who does reflexology suggested some pressure points that stimulate seratonin. We've also found that gently massaging her hands calms her down, and I've heard that this specifically helps alleviate negative emotions like anger and anxiety/stress.

Our one untoward event so far was Saturday night; she hadn't eaten much lunch and I think she was pretty hungry at dinnertime. I made some of her favorite foods - rice and beans with shredded cheese, and green beans. The problem was, she ate too fast and didn't stop to chew her green beans, which caused her to gag, which caused her to throw up a little, which then led to throwing up everything she'd eaten since her nap. :-( We got cleaned up though, with a minimum of fuss (I was very proud of myself for staying calm and containing the mess pretty well). After I got her into her clean jammies she ate a bowl of applesauce and some plain white rice with some milk, with no problems. Poor little thing.

Other than that it's been pretty smooth sailing. It's been cold but sunny out and she just loves running around in the yard, in the flower beds, in the neighbor's sandbox. It's great to see her so happy.

23 Months, 2-year check-up

Yesterday Valerie had her 2-year check-up, which we did a month early because we had questions about her sleep issues. Rather than have an extra appointment, we combined the two.

First, the stats:

25 lbs

33 inches

50th percentile

We were surprised that they didn't measure any change in height from our last appointment 5 months ago, because she's been outgrowing her pants and is also able to reach things she couldn't reach before (doorknobs, stuff on top of the table). We were also surprised she hasn't gained more weight - only 1.2 lbs - because she really feels heavier. Maybe our house is shrinking and our arms are getting weaker!

As for the sleep, basically the doctor said that it's a phase she's going through, that she'll eventually outgrow... in a couple of YEARS. Probably. Oh Dear. Their advice to parents is to do whatever is easiest for getting her to sleep, try introducing or encouraging a comfort object (she's more or less abandoned the toothbrushes in favor of kicking her feet against the mattress, which is very annoying to us), and just be as consistent as possible with not only the bedtime routine but her daily routine as well. Sleep disturbances are linked to feelings of insecurity, and routine and ritual help her feel secure in knowing exactly what is going to

happen next (of course this is also constantly tested by her growing desire to be in control).

And he said we're probably in for a real storm when baby brother comes along, not

to mention moving to Albania... He said it will be important for Dad to spend a lot of time with her around the time of the birth, she'll like that.

Finally, we're going to cut back on her screen time. I added up that she's been watching 2-3 hours of Elmo a day most days - a little bit with the sitter, a little bit with us, a little bit with Grammy - it adds up. The recommendation is maximum 30 minutes a day. Boy she's not going to like this...!

In good news, she's been napping pretty well and really enjoying playing outside. Here are some pictures of her in front of our house - I'm not sure if she's smelling or kissing the flowers but it's pretty adorable either way!

pretty

Easter Sunday dress:Good Friday, our daffodils were at their peak:
She had so much fun running around on the grass at the arboretum, looking at ducks and turtles:
In our back yard:

Easter Sunday

I will have to upload my pictures soon because I got to dress up my little living doll and take her picture with ducks and daffodils. I don't dress her up too often because she kind of HATES IT... and her new red shoes match nearly nothing else that she owns. But she's still cute. And I can crop the shoes out of the pictures if need be :-).

She loved the music at church but was very confused by the non-standard service - no children's time? WHAT?!?!?

The real (mis)adventure, however, happened in the late afternoon. And had nothing to do with Easter.

Since before the last big snow, our '89 Accord has been sitting in the driveway, undriveable. Apparently a certain member of the household (not the male one) didn't close the driver's side door all the way after driving the car the last time, and the battery was dead. So this gorgeous spring day seemed like the time to jump-start the car.

Yay, it worked! So we spontaneously packed ourselves into the car for a little drive in the country to charge the battery up again. Unfortunately, at the first real stop light (in Bridgewater, for you locals) it died, just past the intersection, on a low-grade uphill. I jumped out to switch places with Terry so that he could push the car into the gas station that was handily right next to the intersection, but because of the slight hill he couldn't take his foot off the brake. But, also because of the hill, I was able to give the car a little push and roll it easily backwards into the gas station.

This scenario resulted naturally in a truly tragic missed opportunity for a fabulous MAN OF THE YEAR photo shot - visibly pregnant wife pushes stalled car while husband relaxes behind the wheel!!! Toddler looks on, bemused! When one of the gas station attendants ran over to help me, Terry felt led - for some odd reason - to lean out the window and try to shout out an explanation about how he couldn't get out of the car - whatever. I don't think the guy heard him.

So then Terry went to call his dad to come rescue us while I ran across the street to the fast food place to get V. something to eat. There was a bit of an interlude while a passing friend stopped to give us a jump start, Terry drove across the street, and the car died again in the fast food parking lot. Then we just waited for Vern to come get us - and follow us home.

It was actually kind of relaxing sitting and waiting, watching V. stuff herself with french fries (look mom, BOTH hands!). But the relaxation did not last long.

We were on the way back, Vern following close behind, when ONCE AGAIN the car stalled at a light, right next to a big poultry plant (the Dayton Cargill plant, for you locals). Vern jumped us again, and we made it all of, oh, half a block, before the car quit for good. Just as we passed, what do you know, a fire truck that had just arrived with lights flashing. We coasted onto the shoulder, looked to the right, and saw ominous white smoky clouds of who-knows-what rolling across the ground, coming from the plant towards the road. Vern pulled up behind us just as a fireman strolled over and told us we couldn't stay there. Yeah, it really didn't look like a good picnic spot.

So Vern got in the van, we got into neutral, and he pushed our car with his car down the road. And then the wheel locked and we started drifting into the left lane... well, we got that corrected and eventually limped into the parking lot of the Hair Corral, where we left our car to eventually get towed.

It might be time to say goodbye to this old car.

Wake To Sleep

For three weeks since my trip to Ithaca, V's been waking up at night. Not every night, but probably 2 out of 3. After a while I figured out the pattern: she'd sleep six hours, wake for about two, then sleep about 3 more. The nights when she did sleep straight through it would be for 11 hours straight - like she was making up for lost time.

So Terry remembered the old "wake to sleep" trick that we learned from Dr. Sears last year for habitual night waking: anticipate the night waking by an hour - gently wake your child up an hour before their habitual time (so this really only works if your kid is waking up at about the same time every night), then put them back to bed. Do this 3-4 nights in a row.

Well it worked before, and it looks like it's working again! We've done it two nights running - when she falls asleep, we set the alarm for 4.5 hours from that point. When it rings, Terry gently picks her up, talks to her quietly, changes her diaper, gives her a drink of water, and puts her back in bed. So far she's gone back to sleep and completed her typical 9.5-10 hours without a peep.

10

(Photo by Jodi Read, 2005)

"What? We've been married for TEN YEARS?!?!?!?!"

Happy TENTH Anniversary to the man who never fails to make me laugh.
I'm glad you plan to live to be a 1,000 (at least)
I love you!

1 lb 1 oz

Yesterday we had our big anatomy ultrasound. I was happy that Terry was able to come with me since he missed all but one of the scans for Valerie. He marveled at the amount of research time and dollars invested in the development of this technology - it really is something else.

Everything looks good; they estimate the baby's weight at 1 lb. 1 oz. which is right on track for this point in the pregnancy. They measured the head, arms, legs, looked at the heart, kidneys, spine, and confirmed that yes, we ARE expecting a BOY! Terry was convinced that he counted seven toes but the tech and I only saw 5 per foot :-). His head is up behind my belly button and feet are moving all around, up by his head, then down kicking my bladder. We got a nice profile shot that shows a very recognizable Jantzi profile - a miniature Terry, just like Valerie (I know people say she looks more like me, but the profile is all Dad!).

Yesterday we also had the fun of seeing some old friends from Bolivia days and catching up on all the MCC Bolivia alum news (from the '90s anyway). Their youngest daughter is checking out EMU for college next year. Terry remembers when she was a 2-year-old who fell asleep on his lap on a road trip and then peed on him :-). A little forerunner of his future as a dad!

Today we're going to sign the papers to refinance our house so that we can charge a reasonable rent while we're gone and still cover the mortgage. Then in the afternoon I'll be interpreting for parent-teacher conferences at the local elementary school. I hope I still remember how to do that!

It really feels like spring this week, with balmy, sunny weather and crocuses popping up all over. You can see a faint reddish haze spreading over the bare branches of the trees as they begin to bud out. The snow is all gone, and the ground is mushy and wet. The sunshine feels WONDERFUL.