7 months!

Gabriel is 7 months old today! He's in the grabby stage now, where he just wants to get his hands on whatever he can - and then it goes straight into his mouth. He gets really frustrated when he sees something he wants - usually when he's on his tummy on the rug - and it's just out of reach. He can cover a lot of distance rolling but he just wants to crawl! He's got a few months to go before that, though, considering he's not sitting up on his own yet. But he pushes himself up on his arms, lifting his chest and sometimes even his tummy off the floor. He loves it when we hold him up on his feet and his legs seem very strong.

He's still little Mr. Social - he gets really happy when he sees people around and just stares at Valerie whatever she's doing. He's full of smiles and dimples and is perhaps cutest when he tucks his head into my shoulder and then peeks out with a smile at somebody. He's ticklish, too, and it's soooo much fun to make him laugh!

He likes food: he's eating avocado, pear, rice cereal, bananas, and I just added pureed carrots. I might try yoghurt next. A nice perk for me is that I can now eat a lot of things that used to bother him in the breastmilk - dairy (woohoo!), beans, broccoli, and chocolate! It's so nice to be able to have a slice when Terry orders pizza.

I think he's more right-hand dominant than Valerie was as a baby. His right hand is constantly moving, opening and closing all the time, and he always reaches for things with his right hand first. Whereas Valerie will still sometimes feed herself with her left hand, although she uses her right hand most of the time.

Today Gabriel took a 2-hour nap - hurray! He was really short on sleep this weekend thanks to his cold/cough, poor little dude. I'm really looking forward to the time when he'll be sleeping in longer stretches.

Love you, Little Doodly-Dude!

comparisons 3: footie pajamas

Gabriel is 7 months old today! Poor little sickie.

Here is Valerie at the same age 2+ years ago.

I love these jammies and am so happy we get to use them again!

Sunday

Gabriel is still sick; I don't think he's worse than yesterday but he's not better either. Coughing, runny nose, weepy eyes. No fever, thankfully. I think his teeth are bothering him too, poor little guy. The last 2 nights I've slept in the room with him as he coughs himself awake and then wants to be rocked back to sleep. Sometimes it takes a long time - half an hour or more - before I can lay him down again. He does NOT want to lie down in the bed with me, I've tried again and again but he gets really annoyed. He's had one more episode of vomiting but overall is eating ok. I keep reminding myself, he WILL get better, he WILL get better. Every hour takes us closer to the time when he will be better.

Friday

Terry was late to work today because he was helping me clean up the mess after Gabriel threw up for the third time today. Observing his pattern, I believe his cough is triggering his gag reflex and then he throws up whatever he just ate. His cough sounded croupy to me last night so I kind of slept on a hair-trigger and was up every time he made a noise. Poor little guy. He seems happy and himself when he's not coughing/vomiting. He's napping right now. I think this will be a three-load laundry day.

comparisons 2: weight loss

I weighed myself today, and if the bathroom scales in the park (you pay 20 lek to stand on them) are accurate, I've lost about 25 lbs. since moving here. The "before" picture (at the Rockingham County Fair in the States shortly before we left) shows pretty much how this happened - walking up to 2 hours a day with these two in tow, plus breastfeeding. No diet at all. Terry is so jealous even his sweat is green.

comparisons 1: ring sling

I've been working on getting G. used to the ring sling - he didn't like it at first, but now that he's getting closer to being able to sit up on his own he does fine. It's a nice way to keep him close to me while I'm doing housework. I can sort of scoot him onto my back if I need to - while cooking, e.g.

Here is Valerie in the same sling at 9 months, I believe. Anita taught me how to use the sling when we visited her in Savannah in November '08 when V. was 6.5 months (same as G. is now), but I didn't buy this batik sling until January or February '09. This picture was taken in Savannah but I think it was when we went to visit in March that year. I could just check the time stamp on the photo but I'd rather play sleuth the hard way :-)

Also - those striped pants? I was putting them on Gabriel too until a couple months ago :-).

Look for more comparison photos coming up, there's a bunch more I want to do so I think this will become a series!

More Valerese

Some cute things Valerie says:

"Where feet? Feet hide. Feet hiding in tights. Feet hiding in shoes."

Of her toy snake (e.g.):

"Where feet? No feet. Take feet off."

And this made Gabriel laugh hysterically, when she said:

"Pta-pta-pta-pta-pta-pta-pta-PTAAAAAAA!"

I wish they'd let me in on the joke!

When I put away her portable DVD player, I tell her "the video needs to rest" (yes, we're old - we still call it a "video"). So now when we put it away she says "Video take nap, go to sleep."

One time I turned off the DVD player because she has a tendency to shriek at certain points and it was just too loud, and she'd had two warnings. The whole rest of the evening she kept saying "Mama turn off video, Val-Val scream." And these were also the first words out of her mouth when she woke up the next morning. Too bad the lesson didn't stick though (probably due to inconsistent enforcement) because she still shrieks.

When a fire goes out: "Bye-bye hot!"

Any time there's a pause in play: "Now what?" The first time she said this I was so startled, and then I realized that I say it All. The. Time. I wonder what else I say a lot that she's going to pick up from me next? Hope it's "I love you"!

Mondays

I love Mondays.

Why? you ask. Monday afternoons I walk across town during Valerie's nap for my weekly language lesson. I get to be a student. I get to ask all my questions - like how do you talk about snacks, naps, and sharing in Shqip when google translate can't give you a word for any of those?

Mondays Shpresa is here all day and I can practice Shqip with her too, and talk about the kids with an experienced mom/babysitter, and I can run all my errands without the kids on tow. Mondays somebody else cooks dinner for us.

Mondays we get back into our weekly nap and meal routine. I don't have Terry underfoot (much as I missed him while he was away) wanting to go on long spontaneous excursions that disrupt said routine. Mondays, for me, here, are refreshing.

***

For those who are curious, a word on language.

I do think it's fascinating that there's no word in Shqip for "snack"! You can name a specific food - like "would you like some chips? An apple?" - or talk about having "a little something to eat" (ha një gjë të vogel) but there's not a specific generic term for a little something to eat between meals. I think it says something about cultural habits.

For "share," the language is actually much more precise than English. You can talk about sharing out something in portions (which we sometimes in English call shares), like food or toys. The word is "ndaj" - literally "to separate." Or you can talk about taking turns: "me radhë." If you think about it, we use one word in English - "share" - to mean both things. When I tell Valerie to share her toys, I usually mean she should let Gabriel or another child take a turn playing with them. Or, that she should separate out some toys for them to have and keep, while others remain hers.

(You may be able to tell, we've been working hard with Valerie on the sharing concept and I'm pretty pleased with how she's doing. We praise her extravagantly when she brings Gabriel a toy, and we praise Gabriel too whenever Valerie plays with one of his toys. So now she does things like pick up my keys or something and I'll say "are you playing with Mommy's keys?" and she'll say "Mama share with Val-Val." It's cute.)

The other thing I couldn't get on google translate was how to explain how I feel when I go out without the kids: "I miss them but I feel free." This is how I would express that feeling in Shqip: "Kur unë jam pa femijët, gjithmon më merrmalli per femijët por është më kollai per të ecin shpejt, edhe per të bëj pazarin më shpejt." Or, literally, "when I am without the children, I always miss them but it is easier to walk quickly and to go shopping quickly."

"Free," as in at no cost, is "falas" and freedom in a political sense is "i lirë." But what I wanted to express was that feeling of lightness that we also call "free" in English.

***

I love languages and I love learning, and I love learning languages. So Mondays are a lot of fun for me here.

40!

Happy 40th Anniversary to my dear parents! I love you very much.

Safety

As far as I can tell, the protest/eulogy this afternoon went off without any major trouble. Looking down on the street below I could see that some shops were closed, but others stayed open, including the produce stand just below our building. I thought I heard a couple shots once, but it was nothing like last weeks volleys. We have plans to see some friends tomorrow morning so it seems like daily life, for us anyway, is going more or less back to normal.

*****

Not too long after we got here, I was trying to describe to somebody why Tirana feels so safe to me. I said " you don't get the feeling that people are watching you," in contrast to many other big cities I've been in. Santa Cruz and Cochabamba, Bolivia, feel fairly safe too, but in the markets and on certain streets you still have to watch out for pickpockets. I don't think you do here.

I mean, people stare at you, but that's not the same thing. It's a gaze of curiosity, as though they saw someone walking down the street with two heads (granted, that's what it looks like when I have Gabriel zipped up in the Bjorn inside my fleece) or a talking bear or something. It's not that furtive, calculating look you get when someone is sizing you up as a potential mark.

Add to that the exuberant friendliness people show towards small children and their caregivers, and it just feels safe. I really don't think we'd ever be the targets as individuals of acts of violence, I mean taking ordinary precautions that you would anywhere.

*****

This article said:

It is strange that Albania has no experience of violence from soccer hooligans, or from anarchists and extremists attacking the police. There are rumours of extreme Islamists, but nothing serious has happened yet among them. Albania’s only extremism is in its conventional politics, in politics that doesn’t differ much in terms of a political agenda, or in terms of love of bribes, but which still has the ability to mobilize big crowds to fight.

I'm glad this afternoon was largely calm.

Housebound

Here's another laundry picture.

It's been really cold the past few days, so I've kept the kids at home. Cold like nose-hair-freezing cold. There's rumor that the protest scheduled for tomorrow could get out of hand quickly, and the US Embassy has announced that they will be closed Friday. Shpresa advised me to stay home and not go out. So we've stocked up on milk and bread and toilet paper and are going to lie low. Hoping that it won't get too crazy and especially for no more loss of life.

Terry gets back Sunday.

The Boy

Top: decked out in handknits from top to toe!

Bottom: Mr. Grabby gets ahold of my glasses! What's really really fun is when he gets ahold of my hair! (Of course by "fun" I mean "not fun at all") ;)

Loves Animals

Valerie is happy that Gabriel shares his "bucket" (car seat) and Bumbo chair with her and her menagerie! (Of course, they both used to be hers!)

Splash!

I am ecstatic - yesterday Valerie had a bath with NO CRYING! I do not know how long it has been since such a miracle has occurred - more than a year, for sure.

The usual scenario goes like this: Sunday morning we tell her "it's bath day," and she immediately breaks down into huge, panicked sobs. She doesn't fight us as we take off her clothes and diaper and carry her into the bathroom, but when we put her in the tub she screams and scrambles frantically to get on my lap. I end up getting completely soaked because I have to hold her close to me as I wash her.

Once she started talking it got even more heart-breaking - she'd sob "Val-Val all clean! Val-Val all clean! Dada get towel!"

So.

Once Terry left I didn't have anyone to watch Gabriel while I bathed Valerie - he (Gabriel) gets upset when he hears her crying - so I waited until Monday when Shpresa was here. She witnessed our routine and then this week she had some suggestions. They were things I had tried before, but she encouraged me to try again. One sign that it might work was that the previous evening when I'd been giving Gabriel a bath, Valerie had come in to watch and saw him laughing and splashing and having a great time.

1. Suggestion the First: get out the bath toys. I'd tried this when we first moved in here, and she'd shown absolutely zero interest in them, so I quit getting them out. However, yesterday I remembered that there were some bathtub toys in our shipment that she hadn't seen in a long time, and she might be excited to see them again. While I was getting those, I also found some stacking cups that I thought she might be ready to play with again too.
2. Suggestion the Second: get in the bath with her. This was something I'd tried as well when we moved in again and it didn't seem to help, so I'd given up.
3. Suggestion the Third: very slowly and carefully wet her hair without using the spray nozzle, and making sure not to let the water run into her face. Lately my strategy has been to just get the job done as fast as possible, so I've been using the spray nozzle - which she haaaaaates - I use it because it gets to her scalp through her thick hair better than when I just pour.

Soooooo... I did all those things, and IT WORKED!!!! More than that - a couple times while I was washing her hair she said "Val-Val fun!"

I really and truly thought that rehabilitating bathtime for Valerie would take at least several weeks of patient step-wise coaxing, I never thought we'd do it all in one go. It actually gives me hope for potty-training and much to think about in that vein (yeah, I gave up on the potty training after one emotional and tear-filled morning).

The stacking cups really, really helped. While I was running the bath and getting her towels ready she found the cups and started playing with them in that absorbed, intent way she has with something new that catches her interest. So when the bath was ready, I asked her if she wanted to play with the cups in water, and after an initial "no" and some hesitation, she came with me into the bathroom and started throwing the cups into the water.

WOW that was fun! I let her do that for about 10 minutes, and then I said "I'm going to get into the bathtub" and got undressed and got in myself. I was glad I did because the water was hotter than I thought. So she played some more and I splashed in the water, and then once she started getting her clothes wet, and the water felt like a good temperature to me, I said, "Honey, today is bath day" and she cried a little, but I said "you can play with your toys in the water!" and she let me take off her clothes and even said "take bip [diaper] off" through her tears and once she was in she got absorbed in her play and stopped crying!

After a while I very slowly and gently started washing her hair and got not a peep of protest! I didn't feel like her hair got as clean as it does when I use the sprayer, but that's a small, small price to pay for a tear-less bath.

When the water started to feel chilly I said "time to get out" and she stood up and we got out and went and dried off and got dressed and she was laughing and smiling and happy the whole time and I am just so thankful for Shpresa who helps me be a better mother.

After the protest

Today dawned bright and sunny, if cold - the mountains around Tirana are white with snow - so we went for a walk this morning. Politically things have been quiet this week; supposedly there are going to be protests and counter-protests on Friday and Saturday but for the moment life goes on more or less as usual.

As we neared the big pyramid-shaped monument where the heart of last week's protest took place I was thinking that everything looked exactly the same to me, until I saw the flowers and burnt ends of candles heaped around one corner where, I presume, the three protesters were killed. That was quite sobering. Then I noticed the public works men replacing paving stones that had been dug up to throw at the police. All along the boulevard were spots where stones were missing; cubical rocks just the size to fit into your palm.

More Book House

recent events in Tirana

First of all, I am regretting my somewhat flippant tone in the last post as I've learned that three people died in the protest this afternoon and many more were hospitalized with injuries.

Today was the first rainy day we've had in a while, so I didn't plan for us to leave the house at all. But then Valerie didn't take a nap, so after Gabriel woke up I decided we should go out because it was just getting to be a loooong day indoors.

The first thing I noticed was that most of the shops on Myslym Shyri were closed - at 4 p.m. on a Friday, that seemed kind of odd - but then I remembered that the nearby open-air market closes down at 4 on Fridays (I think it's a Muslim thing? but I'm not sure), although I couldn't remember if this was the norm on Myslym Shyri, which is mostly upscale boutiques. As I was mulling over this question, noting which shops were still open and which closed, we got to the corner of Parku Rinia, the first of the 3 parks we generally visit.

The second thing I noticed was the cluster of 7-8 policemen hanging out on the corner by a parked police car.

The third thing I noticed, as we crossed the street into the park, was the dull roar of a crowd. Football? I thought. But then I smelled the smoke, and then I saw it - black plumes rising from further down the main boulevard (basically, here).

All of a sudden I remembered that Shpresa told me yesterday there was going to be an anti-government protest today, because of corruption. A videotape had come out recently documenting someone high up in government either offering or accepting a bribe (Montesinos, anyone?).

There were a lot of people around, and I have to admit to a little curiosity. Instead of going to the coffeeshop we usually go to, or crossing diagonally towards the other parks (which would have taken us straight into the roaring crowd), I took a parallel path that gave me a better vantage point without going too close. I noticed there were NO other children in view, which is totally not normal for this park. And there seemed to be a decided gender imbalance weighted towards the male. But there were a lot of people just hanging out on park benches relaxing and the vibe where we were wasn't one of danger or emergency.

Well, we got to the far corner of the park, and I asked a woman standing there watching the commotion what was going on. She shrugged: "Demonstration." Why, I asked? "Socialists," she said. Then I heard what sounded like gunshots (all along there were booming noises like fireworks, which we hear quite frequently here), and I thought about tear gas and figured it was high time to get my kids home. I don't think we were close enough to get tear gassed but these things can be unpredictable.

So we turned around and went back. Valerie wanted to run across the grass and play, but it was muddy, and I pointed out the big crowd of people and said "they're having a very noisy party over there, let's go home." She was fine with that (she's not really a big fan of parties anyway).

On the way home I stopped at the grocery store for onions and a few other things and everything seemed normal there, although we could hear the sound of gunshots (or fireworks, it was hard to tell at the time what it was, although from news reports I've been reading I know now it was guns).

When I got home, two of Terry's coworkers called me to check that I was ok and to recommend that we stay home tonight. That was nice.

Here's a link to the AP article. I feel sick looking at the pictures; this is where we go walking almost every day.

Politics

A bit TOO much excitement in Tirana this afternoon...

We've got plenty of water, diapers, and spaghetti in the house so are planning to hunker down in our bunker until things calm down.

After the kids go to sleep I'll tell you all about how we almost walked into the protest on our afternoon walk.

Bedtime story

Some time ago Valerie got tired of my entire repertoire of lullabies, so I tried a story: The Three Bears seemed pretty innocuous. No antiquated princess stuff or macabre details - although I did discover some inadvertent gender socialization. She LOVES it, and the telling of the story has evolved into an intricate ritual, wherein a single misstep evokes an insistent "No no!"

As soon as we announce that it's bedtime, she runs to her room saying "Mama sing three bears, Daddy sing three bears!"

Here is Mama's version (Daddy's is a kinder gentler version with no sadness or scariness involved), with Val's interjections:

M: Once upon a time there were three bears. They lived in a little house in the forest.

V: Three bears house forest!

M: One day they decided to go for a walk

V: Mama Bear push stroller! Push Baby Bear stroller!

M: While they were out, a little girl came to their house.

V: No home, inside anyway

M: Nobody was home, but she went inside anyway.

V: Saw three chairs

M: She saw three chairs: a big one, a medium, and a small one. She sat down in the big chair and said "This chair is too tall!" She sat down in the medium chair and said "this chair is too short!" She sat down in the little baby chair" -

V: Val-Val's green chair!

M: A little green chair just like Val-Val's, and she sat down so hard she broke it!

V: Dada Bear fix chair!

M: Yes, Daddy bear will fix the chair.

(aside: I noticed after 1 or 2 tellings that I'd inadvertently introduced all kinds of gender constructs that I'm not sure I approve of. See if you can spot them.)

M: Then she went into the kitchen and saw three bowls of cereal.

(aside: she doesn't know what porridge is but eats cereal on a regular basis.)

V: Eat food!

M: She took a bite from the big bowl and said "this cereal is too hot!" She took a bite from the medium bowl and said "this cereal is too cold!" She took a bite from the little baby bowl and said "this cereal is just right!" It tasted so good, she ate it all up!

V: Baby's cereal gone! Baby Bear sad! Baby bear do?

M: What's Baby Bear going to do?

V: Mama Bear do?

M: What's Mama Bear going to do?

V: Dada Bear do?

M: What's Daddy Bear going to do?

V: Eat food! Mama Bear share Baby Bear!

M: Then the little girl went upstairs. She saw three beds.

V: Val-Val's bed!

M: Yes, this is Val-Val's bed. She lay down in the big bed and said "this bed is too hard!" She lay down in the medium bed and said "This bed is too soft!" She lay down on the baby bed and said "this bed is just right!" And it felt so comfy, she fell asleep!

[Valerie lies face down in her "nap" pose]

V: Then!

M: Just then, the three bears came home!

V: Walk into room [I think this phrase is from Daddy's version]

M: Daddy Bear said "someone's been sitting in my chair." Mama Bear said "Someone's been sitting in my chair. Baby bear said "someone's been sitting in my chair, and broke it!"

[I'll skip the next bit since it reiterates the previous parallel section, almost word for word]

Oh - except that every time Daddy Bear says "My," Valerie says "My" in a loud swooping tone, I don't know how to describe it. Then she whispers "Shhh, Val-Val, no scream!" It's hilarious.

M:... Baby Bear said "someone's been sleeping in my bed, and there she is!"

V: Woke up!

M: The little girl woke up! She saw the three bears looking at her. Then she jumped out the window and ran away. The end.

[Daddy's version has them having a nice visit because they were friends.]

V: Sing Three Bears again, one more time!

Valerese

Here are some cute things Valerie has been saying/doing:

1. One morning I was making Gabriel laugh hysterically by going "Hoom! Hoom!" to him (it's Albanian for "woof"), and all the rest of the day Valerie kept saying "Gabriel ha-ha again, one more time" (holding up one finger). And then at bedtime, after he had gone to sleep she said "Gabriel ha-ha again," and I said "sweetie, I can't make him laugh, he's sleeping," and about fifteen minutes later she said "Ha-ha sleep, take nap." (Except she says "take map.")

2. Speaking of "woof," anyone remember this book? So Valerie is "reading" it now, only in her version, it goes: "one dog: woof. Two dog: woof. Three dog: woof." Etc. to ten. She'll also "read" a lot of other favorite books, basically reciting what I read to her (often an edited down version if it's a very wordy book) - same intonations and everything.

3. Speaking of "one more time," apparently I have used this phrase a lot when she's asked for xyz "again," I'll concede "ok, one more time." She uses it especially at bedtime: "Mama sing Three Bears one more time." (Favorite bedtime story of the moment - I'm working on a transcript for another post.) Only now she's started saying "ten more times," while holding up three fingers. So cute.

3. The day after Terry left, she said "Dada home soon," and I said "Honey, Daddy went on a long trip. He will be back in two weeks." She said "Dada airplane just like Hop-Hop." (Context: Hop-Hop is a bunny who went on a long trip in an airplane - I made up the story for her before we came here, and after we came made it into a little book with pictures of all the things Hop-Hop likes to do, which, coincidentally, are all the same things Valerie likes to do!)

4. And one more: I finally gave in to her longing gaze and bought her a toy at the park - a wheeled, winged, horse on a stick. The toddler holds one end of the stick and pushes the horse along; the turning of the wheels makes the wings flap. She walked all around the park for about 45 minutes pushing the thing before we went home, and pushed it along even in the stroller. But when we were about a block from home, she got out of the stroller, said "bye-bye hisadou," very carefully propped the horse up on some steps, and then came back to the stroller. I was so surprised, but I think she must have thought it belonged outside and didn't realize it belongs to us now and we could take it home! I picked it up and brought it home with us and now she wants to take it every time we go out, which is fine with me :-)

5. Speaking of "Hisadidou" (that, I have realized, is the plural of "hisadou") - here are some other fun words she's produced:

- Mashadou (mushroom)

- Bathadin (dolphin)

- gler (caterpillar)

Another funny thing she does is to over-enunciate the final consonant on words that end in p, t, or k, like "hot" is "hot-t-t," etc.

***

So, we're holding up ok. I predicted to myself that it would take us about 5 days to find our equilibrium after Terry left, and behold today does feel like we're back to normal, more or less. At naptime, instead of clinging to me frantically, Valerie said "Mama go other room, nurse Gabriel," after just two rounds of Three Bears and the Alphabet song. So I left her and she fell asleep! Yay! Also, the past three nights she has slept through without waking up. This was very welcome since the second night after Terry left she woke up at midnight and didn't go to sleep again (and neither did I) until FIVE A.M. Still digging myself out from under that sleep debt.

Gabriel seems to be teething again though. He's really enjoying his rice cereal, mushed pears, bananas, and avocado (although it turns his poop very very green). I think next we'll add potato. I'm sad we can't get sweet potato here.

Well I'll wrap it up here since her highness is due to wake up soon from her nap. More when I have a chance.

Checking in

Terry left on Saturday for a 2-week trip to Mongolia; it was a rough parting from Valerie as she was just heading towards nap time when he left. He'll be back on Sunday the 31st.

Meanwhile, the days have been sunny and relatively warm so we've been going outside as much as we can in between Gabriel's naps. He's settled (more or less) into a 3-nap-a-day pattern and is sleeping somewhat better at night, although he also seems to be working on his top teeth now - drooly and cranky.

We had his 6-month check-up last week; he's grown about 4 centimeters (about 2 inches? for a total of I think 27 inches) but hasn't gained much weight, although here they weigh the babies fully dressed so it's hard to say how accurate it is. Maybe a pound in 2 months (total 8.5 kilos or so). So I'm not in a hurry to night wean. I had the impression that he felt leaner and longer so this was my proof.

Well Val wants me to play with her so that's all you get for today :-)

The kids

In lieu of an actual post, here are some pictures of the kids: Enjoy!

More Drakulic

"Individualism is flourishing in one respect in Eastern Europe: It is visible only in the ruthless accumulation of capital. Perhaps a chance to make money, a chance those people never had before, is indeed a condition to developing the first-person singular. Why, then, have I used 'we' and 'us' so frequently in this book? Because a common denominator is still discernible, and still connects us all, often against our will. It is not only our communist past, but also the way we would like to escape from it, the direction in which we want to go. It's our longing for Europe and all that it stand for.

Or, rather, what we imagine Europe stands for. I believe you can see this common denominator if you take a close look at the price of bananas, at our bad teeth and public toilets, or at our yards on the outskirts of big cities. Indeed, you can see it merely by taking a walk on any boulevard in any capital, be it Tirana or Budapest, Prague or Warsaw. Somewhere there will be a hotel, a cinema, a bar, a restaurant, a cafe or a simple hole in the wall, named, for our desire, Europe."

Drakulic, Slavenka. 1996. Cafe Europa: Life After Communism. New York: Penguin. Pp. 4-5.

Turkish Coffee

Today I received instructions on how to make turkish coffee; it's a very popular drink here. The coffee is ground very, very fine and prepared in a long-handled pot that holds enough for two-four espresso-sized servings. I've often seen women walking across the street balancing a tray bearing several tiny cups and saucers, or just carrying the long-handled pot down to another shop for someone.

On Christmas weekend, I was walking through Parku Rinia and saw a middle-aged man relaxing on a bench with a bathroom scales at his feet. You can find these in all the parks, and pay a few coins to find out your weight. A stout woman with graying hair was next to him, pouring their afternoon coffee into little cups. She had a small cushion to sit on, a tablecloth to go under the tray, and maybe I imagined the little plate with cake on it but regardless it was a lovely little scene of domesticity on a sunny afternoon.

Laundry

I've been reading a book that was given to me before we came, titled How We Survived Communism and Even Laughed, by Slavenka Drakulic (Harper Collins, 1991). Drakulic is a Croatian journalist; in this book she reflects on the transition from communist totalitarianism to free market democracy, particularly for women. Although Croatia was part of Yugoslavia and politically separate from Albania, a lot of the things she describes apply equally well here. I tried to tell Shpresa about the book (she would have been in her early 20s when the transition happened here); she well recalls the food shortages and other problems people experienced in their daily lives.

One passage in particular caught my attention because it still applies here, from the chapter on laundry - Drakulic could have been describing Tirana in 2010:

She lives on the third floor, and because she doesn't have a balcony to hang her clothes on, she has a device that I've seen so many times, on so many windows: two metal tubes fixed either under the window or on the window frame itself, with rows of lines between. The laundry hangs above the sidewalk water dripping on the heads of passers-by.... This, I think, looking down from Blaga's window in Sofia, is what makes our cities so specific, so unique - balcony dryers....

Perhaps you don't notice it at first, in the center of the city and on the main streets. But as soon as you enter the side streets, hanging clothes flutter like flags of another state, announcing that you are entering a different, female territory. Clothes dangle on the wind under the windows, on balconies and terraces, in backyards, in narrow streets stretched between houses, even high up on skyscrapers. Socks, pants, shirts, diapers, dresses, aprons, handkerchiefs, slips - they make a foreign city all of a sudden look intimate, friendly, familiar to me. (pp. 51-52)

It's something I noticed right away here, but that soon began to fade into the background. Whereas in the US there are homeowner's associations that ban line drying clothes in the front yard - or at all - here it's just part of the legacy of privation. People just didn't have dryers, and very few had washing machines. So it's built now as part of how you do your laundry. (Most have washers now so the heavy work at least is done by machine.) What struck me about it here was that even the most posh apartment buildings facing major upscale boulevards have lines of laundry hanging out for all the world to see. I kind of like it.

More Pictures: Sibling Rivalry/Adoration

Actually, I think she says his name more like "Blayblrl." Or sometimes "Glrayblrl."

Either way, what she really wants here is ALL the pillows. She understands about sharing but that doesn't mean it comes easily!

Gabriel is happiest when he can watch Valerie doing stuff. Oh, and since we moved here I've lost a total of six of his socks... what you see on the ground below the stroller is a doll's onesie I wrapped around his foot to keep it a little warmer after I noticed we were down a sock again.

Someday their relationship will be more reciprocal! But I still think they're cute together :-)

Blabril

I just realized I should have put these in inverse order: play, food, bath, and bed (although we're not co-sleeping) :-) Oh - and the post title? is how Valerie pronounces "Gabriel."

Love you Little Dude!

Six Months!

(Hi Aunt Cathie! Look what came in our shipment!!) :-)

Gabriel is 6 months old today!

I have to say, I LOVE this age. I love how squishy and soft Gabriel is, how cuddly and happy. His bright eyes are big and round, taking in everything. He LOVES to watch Valerie running around doing things, and will sometimes fuss when he can't see her! Shpresa commented today that when he learns to walk, she'd better look out! He's going to be after her pulling her long hair! A couple evenings ago the three of us were on Valerie's bed playing "book house" and I tickled her feet; her giggle prompted Gabriel to absolutely shriek with delighted laughter, which prompted me to do everything I could to make Valerie laugh again, just to hear him! It was a perfect moment.

He's rolling over well, and starting to show interest in sitting up. He loves to eat and will grab the spoon with both hands and gnaw on it while I'm feeding him. His first couple "meals," he would fuss and squawk whenever we slowed down the shoveling of the rice cereal into his mouth! (Not that he eats very much - but he really does seem to enjoy it.) He perks up when I put him in the car seat (we have no high chair) to feed him and he hears the spoon clinking against the cup as I mix up the rice cereal.

Despite his gregarious nature, he is also showing a strong preference for Mama, which while flattering can be a little inconvenient! But it's developmentally appropriate too. This is when separation anxiety starts to kick in.

His second tooth came in yesterday; he was fussy and feverish and didn't nap very well. He's been drooling and biting things for two months now, so I'm glad that we finally have some kind of resolution there.

Next week we'll go in for a weigh-in and well child visit and find out how much this bruiser has grown in two months!

More Christmas Pictures

Better late than never, eh?

Valerie, in classic introvert mode, was fascinated by the pool at the church Christmas party we attended Christmas Day.
Anyone recognize this hat? On our way to the Christmas party.
Christmas morning breaking open our shipment! Valerie, our animal lover, was very excited about all the Noah's Ark stuff!
Terry trying out one of Gabriel's five toys; Gabriel tries out the Bumbo chair.

Gezuar Vitin e Ri!

Wow, my first post of 2011 - seems like I should say something profound. Alas my brain cells don't seem to be up to it at the moment.

Here we are the day after Christmas, just before going to church (which is why Valerie's and my hair is all wet).

Sorry I haven't been posting for a while; we are still in a state of chronic sleep deprivation and seem to have come down with a collective cold/sinus/sore throat kind of thing. And Gabriel's first tooth seems to have made its definitive debut after flirting with us for almost 6 weeks! Poor little guy was absolutely miserable yesterday, with a fever, watery eyes and runny nose. He's doing better today though.

We're thinking of moving and have looked at a couple different places, all of which have their various pros and cons. We like our place but there are three strong counts against it: 1) we'd like a third bedroom so Gabriel can have his own room. At the moment Terry and I are dragging our mattress out to the living room every evening so that every little noise he makes doesn't wake me up. 2) There is constant construction noise going on from renovation projects on the 9th and 2nd floors of our building; it reverberates like crazy through the building and is very annoying. 3) Most problematic is the leaking roof in Valerie's room - the dripping water isn't as big a deal, though, as the spreading mold and flaking paint. We had to move her bed so the paint wouldn't drift down over it all night.

We've seen some promising options - one is just 2 blocks from our favorite park! - but haven't quite made a decision yet. It's always hard to anticipate what, er, challenges might emerge after moving that we can't quite envision yet. And moving itself is so stressful. But we're hoping it will be worth it to eliminate the three problems listed above.

On another topic altogether, my Peruvian/Japanese/American relatives who were unable to attend my grandmother's funeral and memorial service in Peru all got together for a virtual reunion on skype yesterday. It was really nice to share memories of Abuelita and hear voices of loved ones I haven't seen in years (over 15 years, some of them). It was a little distracting with the kids needing my attention at the same time but worth it. Again - I wish I had something more profound to say but it's only 7 p.m. here and I'm ready to fall asleep. Guess I'll sign off for now and hope the next post will be more interesting :-)

Abuelita

I just received word that my grandmother in Peru is gone.

Wet Christmas

Albania is still pretty excited about the no-visa thing.

Here's our completed homemade Advent calendar! Valerie got really into it and it was fun telling and re-telling the story for her.
Christmas morning we went out for a walk and got caught in a rainstorm, so ducked into a restaurant for juice, coffee, and roasted potatoes (they didn't have french fries). We thought the rain might be letting up around 11:30 and both kids were starting to fade, so we headed for home, but it started raining even harder - Valerie held one umbrella over herself in the stroller, and I had the other one over me and Gabriel in the Bjorn. Poor Terry was hatless and umbrella-less in the rain which was intermittently mixed with HAIL! He said he didn't mind and even laughed about it (yes, I married the right person!) :-) My feet got soaked in muddy water but the kids stayed warm and dry and it felt good to get home, eat a little more lunch and then segue into nap time.

After naps, we went to a Christmas party with the congregation of the church we've been attending. It was at a fancy restaurant in a room with an uncovered swimming pool. We got to chat a little bit with people but Valerie was fascinated by the pool - and the diving board! - so we spent a lot of time keeping her corralled. It wasn't the most kid-friendly event ever but the food was good and I met some people. Gabriel got passed around until he got over-tired and fussy.

I was really happy to find a burgundy-colored corduroy dress with long sleeves and velvet trim in our shipment - the perfect Christmas dress! I'd not bought one this year because it seemed like an unnecessary expense (at home I get them second hand for like $3). She looked perfect. Gabriel wore Valerie's hand-me-down Christmas footie pajamas. I'll post more pictures soon once I get them uploaded from my camera.

I didn't even let Valerie see most of the stuff that came in our shipment - I pulled out about 30 of her books and a few toys and put the rest away. It was still almost too much for her! I'm glad we didn't buy her anything, it would have been overkill for sure! Gabriel's been happy chewing on a teething ring that came in the box, and I'm happy to have my food mill so I can start mushing up fruit for him to try. He loves the rice cereal!

Gezuar Krishtlindjet!

Merry Christmas, all!

Just in time for Christmas!

Our boxes came today!!! Yep - it took three months. But they're here. We haven't opened them yet. I'm so excited - knitting needles! Sock yarn! Clothes for Gabriel (who is now in 9-12 month onesies)! Toys for Valerie! Books! It might be a little overwhelming when we do cut through the masking tape and cardboard...

Maybe Valerie will enjoy playing with the boxes even more than their contents :-) Today at the park she entertained herself for a long time picking up stones and throwing them back down, or putting them on the bench and then knocking them off.

Three months in Shqiperia

Some pieces of random now that we've been here 3 months:

I'm enjoying browsing through the archives of a blog I found titled "Our Man In Tirana." The blogger was here from 2005-2008 and is now in the UK but I enjoy reading his impressions and comparing them to my own. His life as a guy without kids was very different from mine but he noticed a lot of the same things I see around here.

One day when Valerie woke up in the morning I took her out on the balcony to show her that the weather was nice. "Look, no rain!" I said. Sleepily she answered, "take rain off."

The way I explained the concept of "time-outs" to Shpresa was that it's like a yellow card and then red card in soccer. She finds this hilarious.

Yesterday was unseasonably warm, for a change - we went to the park and Valerie spent an hour and a half running around, jumping, and scratching in the dirt with sticks. (Why do we buy toys???) It felt like spring and I wore short sleeves on my walk to my Albanian lesson in the afternoon.

Gabriel is trying desperately to grab things with his hands. He rolls over like a pro now!

Terry is on another overnight work trip. We thought about going along but it was going to be a lot of time in the van and didn't really seem like that much fun to me. We might take a short trip to another city in Albania over the Christmas break.

Lotus is 2!!

Happy Birthday to my niece Lotus, who is two years old today!

We love you, cutie!

Gezuar Ditlindjen!

White Christmas???

So I was under the impression before we came here that temperatures in Tirana rarely drop below 40 degrees F; but lately we've been freezing, literally. At night the temperature has dropped into the high 20s several times. And, today, SNOW. All morning long, a brief transition to rain during the middle of the day, and now big fluffy flakes sifting over the city. There is slush on the sidewalks and the roofs of cars and buildings are painted white. This, I never thought I'd see.

I'm thinking today of the men I've seen sleeping in public parks, and the children I saw yesterday burning trash by the side of the river.

Thoughts of these children, the cold, the snow, it all wraps up in my mind with the refugee family celebrated in the creche I bought the other day, Jesus among barnyard animals, their shelter his shelter the day he was born.

Apagon

When I was growing up in Peru, power outages (un apagon, in Spanish) were not unusual. Apparently neither are they in Tirana - although from what I hear it's much better now than it used to be. We've had three so far since we came; the longest one was Saturday lasting from about 4 p.m. to 10 p.m.

It was a gorgeous sunny day but breathtakingly cold; we went out in the morning to see a youth photo exhibit sponsored by World Vision at the national museum of culture. The sky was pure blue but the wind was knife-like. We bundled the kids up well but it still felt soothing and relaxing to come home to an apartment warmed both by passive solar heat through our south-facing windows as well as by electric space heaters.

So we were a little worried when night fell and the temperature dropped even more, because without electricity our heaters didn't work. We lit candles all around the house and lit up the gas burners on the stove but we knew it was a matter of time before the air would grow chill.

We made plans to all sleep in one bed, to keep the kids warm with our bodies and blankets. Terry moved the furniture around so our bed would be against a inside wall. But at bedtime, we put the kids down each in their own bed where they both fell asleep, still warm enough. Thankfully the lights came on around 10 and we were able to turn on the space heaters and turn off our worry.

Well, as much as you ever do, as a parent.

Snow!

This morning I took Valerie and Gabriel out for a walk because the sun was out, even though it was cold enough out that one man actually scolded me for bringing the children out. I guess by that time the sun had disappeared behind thick white clouds, and shortly after we got home I looked out the window and saw SNOW falling!

The tiny made-in-China Christmas tree I bought this morning seems a little more fitting now. I also found a creche at a tchotchke shop that sells mostly tourist-oriented souvenirs like clay statuettes of Albanians in traditional garb and keychains with photos of sunlit coastal cities. I spied a statuette of Mother Teresa in the same shop, so I'm guessing the proprietors are Christian (at least by tradition if not by conviction).

Anyway, it's cold, and I was glad for the handknits I have with me, even if none of them match each other and we all three looked as patchwork and motley as a family of gypsies.

Hiao: Bean

"Hiao" (or however it's spelled) is how Valerie says "here it is" (pronounced sort of like "He-ow" but all run together in one word. Incidentally, "Hisadidou" is how she says "horse," so it really takes a specialist like me to decipher a lot of what she has to say... it helps that mostly she narrates herself throughout the day.)

One of the most fun things we've done together this month has been to sprout beans in a jar. We got the idea from an E.lmo DVD and just used beans I bought at the local produce stand for cooking. I had no idea if they'd germinate or not, but I put four beans in a recycled glass jar with wet toilet paper and we looked at them every day. I kept the jar on top of the refrigerator, and every morning Valerie would see it and say "Hiao bean" and I'd get it down and put it on the table and we'd look at it while eating breakfast, and sometimes several times throughout the day. One day I saw that one of the beans was growing a little white sprout! I was so excited, that Valerie got excited too. It was so fun to see it growing, finally pushing its stem up and out of the jar and unfolding two green leaves (the following 3 pictures were taken on the morning, noon, and evening of the same day).

Of the four beans, all of them germinated, but one seemed to have been damaged as it didn't fully sprout along with the others. Another one seemed small and discolored.

But two are big and strong. Today we planted three of them in a pot at the base of a tall house plant that came with the apartment.

Shpresa remarked that normally one would plant beans in warm weather but the apartment is quite warm. (House update: no news, the attempted eviction seems to be mired in bureaucracy for the moment.)

In any case, it was a really fun little project that required minimal investment or effort but made me feel like I was helping Valerie connect to nature and her agricultural heritage somehow.

Time

As of today, December 10, Gabriel has lived in Albania longer than he has in the US!

Today

Today felt like a long day. I started potty training Valerie in the morning, and in the evening gave Gabriel his first rice cereal! The second item was definitely more fun than the first!

FIVE months!

Gabriel is three - *oops, FIVE* - months old today!

(This is what long-term sleep deprivation will do to your brain...)

• He has been working very hard recently on mastering the skill of rolling over. He rolls very well from back to tummy, but only one direction (to the left, of course). He has more trouble going from tummy to back for some reason and gets really frustrated when he's stuck in one position.
• He loves to watch Valerie playing and running around, he's completely fascinated by her. (For her part, she's warming up to him slowly but steadily and will now send me to him when he's crying - "Baby cry, Mama off!" - and offer him kisses on his hands.)
• He's a big one, already about to burst out of the 6-month size sleepers we have here!
• His tooth is still just a little white spot on his gum. It seems to bother him intermittently and produces vast amounts of drool.
• It seems that I need to stay away from bread as well as dairy. I've been off eggs for awhile, too.
• Consolidated sleep continues to elude us. He's doing better at going to sleep on his own, and is only nursing 2x at night, but he STILL wakes up around 5x every night. His daytime naps are also still very short, like 4-5 naps a day of around 45 minutes to an hour each. He did take two 2-hour naps at the beginning of last week but apparently that was just a tease.
• He continues to be a healthy, laid-back, charming, smiley baby with wide eyes and an adorable dimple so I'm not complaining too much.
• Oh, also I should mention that I've been talking to him in Spanish as much as possible. I was inspired by some of the young kids I've met here who've managed to become quite fluent in English without ever leaving Albania, and I thought you know, I'm doing my kids a disservice by not talking to them in Spanish. So they are now being exposed to three languages!

Love you, Little Dude. Now go to sleep. xoxo, Mama

Cabin fever

Rain, rain, and more rain. It's been causing serious flooding problems around Shkodra in the north. So I won't complain too much about the leaks in our roof (which the landlord has tried to repair four times, he's about DONE with the engineer he's working with) or how we can't go outside to play.

Meanwhile, Valerie has been finding lots to do at home, which is fun. Currently her favorite game is to "Book house" - we make houses out of her board books (ridiculously easy) and then she stacks her toy animals on top and inside them. She also likes clomping around in our shoes, making tents, and playing with her beanie babies. The frog and monkey are particularly subject to being fed "mupp" (pretend milk), having their diapers changed, getting baths - rushed through to the point where they're pulled out of the tub and wrapped in a towel and cuddled - and given rides in their "cars" (again, our shoes). This age is almost as fun as it is challenging :-).

I realized looking back through the past couple of months that I haven't been posting very many pictures of her, they're all of Gabriel! So here are a few fun ones:

succinct

In my experience so far, Albanians are kind, generous, and courteous to a fault - until they get behind the wheel of a car.

Recycling

Another trivial update:

So, I said in October that one of the things I miss is recycling. I've since realized that recycling does happen here, just not in an institutionalized manner.

Every city street here has a set of big dumpsters that are emptied by the municipality on a regular basis. People gather up their household trash in plastic bags (usually grocery bags), and then when they leave the house to go somewhere - and most people walk, I think - they take the bag and then just chuck it in the nearest dumpster as they walk past it. Included in household waste are plastic and glass bottles of all shapes and sizes, and this is what I see people fishing out of the dumpsters, especially on Sundays. They seem quite organized about it - if unofficial. It's always the same people at the same dumpsters, and they have bicycles fitted out with big baskets or even basically push carts to haul stuff away. I don't know where they take it but if they're retrieving it I assume it must have some kind of reuse value if not technically recycling.

Terry heard that the people who do this are usually Roma; I wouldn't know for looking at them, necessarily. When I remember to I separate out our recyclable stuff so that people don't have to pick through dirty diapers in order to find it.

An assortment of updates (*updated)

So, there are a few random topics I've written about here that I thought I might follow up on.

1) "Breast is Best" in Albania

When I asked for advice at the clinic where we took Gabriel for his 4-month well baby visit, specifically about his waking up to nurse every 2 hours, I basically got a textbook response about how to breastfeed your baby successfully, which was fine, but didn't really help me solve my problem. Anyway, I've learned since then that exclusively breastfeeding for the first 6 months is NOT the norm here, even though people do seem to appreciate the value of breastfeeding. According to an American woman I met who is a La Leche League Leader in the US, people here tend to switch pretty early to cow's milk, rice milk, and/or a combination of the two, sometimes as early as 2 months.

The woman who comes to clean our apartment once a week (who I thought was our landlord's wife, but isn't, I've since learned) tells me EVERY SINGLE TIME she comes that I need to be giving Gabriel FOOD, not just mother's milk; the reason he wakes up so much at night is he's hungry. SHE weaned her babies at 1 month old and gave them cow's milk, yoghurt, and fruit. The last time she was here, she grabbed Valerie's yoghurt off the table and shoved a spoonful into Gabriel's mouth! He spit it out and made a hilarious face. I was kind of annoyed but I didn't know how to ask her politely not to do that in my limited Shqip. Standard pediatric advice nowadays is to wait at least a year to introduce babies to cow's milk, because baby humans don't digest it very well as it is best suited for baby calves. And also because of potential allergic reactions.

2) I've also realized that what I thought were grandmothers doing nanny duty are - well, many of them probably ARE grandmothers, but they're actually nannies as well - the kids they are watching aren't they're own grandkids. It seems most mothers here work outside the home, at least once the 1-year paid maternity leave is over. Yep that's right - ONE YEAR PAID. It's not full pay, I've heard both 100% for 6 months and then 80% for six months, and I've also heard 80% for 6 months and 20% for 6 months. But still. NICE.

3) I don't know exactly how much weight I've lost since we came here but all my pants are way too big. Certainly all the baby weight is gone.

Off to play with Valerie now.