Photo Phrenzy

Just got back from Savannah - we walked into a freezing cold house (well, not technically freezing, but 40 degrees cold) - turns out some gadget thingy (sorry to confuse you with all the technical jargone there) busted. They fixed it pretty quickly though. It's now a toasty 55 degrees in here.

But never mind about all that, here are pictures!!!

Babycakes Stats Update

Today was her 9-months check-up, and our first visit with this pediatrician in VA. It went pretty well, although she was NOT happy about stripping down and being inspected. (Who would be???) She cried more over getting her ears looked at than she did over the Hep-B booster.

Of course y'all want the numbers: Length = 28.5 inches (75th percentile), and Weight = 18 lbs. even (45th percentile). So she's not as preternaturally tall as she used to be, but she's holding her own and on a good growth curve.

These are all the things she's eating now: squash, sweet potato, carrots, broccoli, spinach, avocado, banana, pears (her favorite), rice cereal, oatmeal, cheerios, bread, mango, applesauce, egg yolks (occasionally) and last night I gave her a taste of the turkey we'd cooked up - she LOVED it and kept asking for more! So I fed her a little more. I'm not interested in making meat a regular part of her diet, but I do want to make sure she gets enough protein. Oh, and she also eats green beans (commercial/jar) which does supply some vegetable protein, right? She wasn't a big fan of peas. I'm going to try her on lentils soon.

It's fun making food for her. We do mix in some commercial baby food, but it's definitely less than half. I like the frozen food cube method; I don't do huge batches at once, just every couple days I'll mash up a banana and avocado together, say, and freeze that. Then a couple days later I'll do a pear or two. And so on. So we have a constantly rotating supply of stuff in the freezer. She usually eats between 2-3 cubes' worth at a sitting (or crawling), and then I keep feeding her cheerios until she's stuffed!

The one thing they wanted us to "work on" was her pincer grasp, but Terry just texted me that Grandma says she's been feeding herself Cheerios all morning - with her left hand! :-) It would be so cool if she were a lefty like Obama. I mean, like her dad, Aunt Rosanne, Grandma and Grandpa Jantzi! Not to forget her Uncle David, and two second cousins once removed: Vince and Reuben. Lefties are cool.

Clarification

Just thought I should clarify, giving someone a shout-out is not the same as shouting at them. :-) It's more like mad props.

Shout-out

I just have to give a SHOUT-OUT to my husband, who cleaned the kitchen today.
Did I say cleaned? I meant scoured... rejuvenated... made-over... resuscitated... unearthed...

I could eat off the floor (and probably will). :-)

Thank you, Terry!!!

Ruminations

There is a reason Terry once bought me this book.

While in the throes of trying to implement the Baby Whisperer approach to sleep training, I found myself feeling like the king of the golems in Pratchett's book Feet of Clay. This analogy probably only makes sense if you've read the book... but suffice to say, I felt like my head was full of words of command, all conflicting with each other and driving me insane. "Cry it out!" "Don't even think of crying it out!" "Pick up/put down!" "Co-sleep as long as possible!" "Put baby to sleep in a crib!" etc.

Terry thought for a minute, then said "the principles they all boil down to are comfort and discipline. Not discipline like punishing, but discipline like structure and teaching." He asked me, "what do your instincts say you should do?"

Hence my mantra, and the moment of Zen mentioned in that post. Or, as my therapist put it, I need to find my rhythm, and tune in to her rhythm. That has been a really helpful piece of advice as we've moved away from being die-hard baby whisperers, towards finding our own way that works for us and our baby.

Comfort and discipline, the free play within structure. Some people make it look so easy! I guess everything looks different from the inside.

Love

Sometimes I sing Valerie this song as a lullaby, even though I never knew until I just looked it up now that the artist wrote it for her daughter:

If your love were taken from me

Every color would be black and white

It would be as flat as the world before Columbus

That's the day that I lose half my sight

Those men who lust for land

And for riches strange and new

Who love those trinkets of desire

Oh they never will have you

And they'll never know the gold

Or the copper in your hair

How could they weigh the worth

Of you so rare

~ Suzanne Vega, "World Before Columbus"

A good day... so far!

Furnace is fixed, toilet is fixed, still waiting for dryer. Babysitter back on duty. Getting work done...!

9 months!

Valerie, you are nine months old today! You love to pull yourself up to standing; you are entranced by things that move and make noise. Your top two teeth have come in, and you are eating all kinds of different foods. Your hair is long enough to put up in a little clip. You are curious and want to explore your surroundings more and more.

Best of all... you are SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!

This afternoon I was in the basement hanging clothes to dry, and heard you upstairs laughing and laughing at something silly your dad was doing. I felt a happiness so intense that it hurt. We love you so much, Little One-One.

Safely through another week

We had a refreshing weekend. My in-laws watched Valerie for five hours on Saturday, so Terry and I were able to take care of a whole bunch of errands, with time to spare for a nap and an early Valentine's Day dinner at Taste of Thai. We beat the V-Day rush :-)

Today we went to church (where Val took her morning nap in my arms), then met our friends for bagels and coffee. I ran out to the grocery store and Target with V., who fell asleep in the car on the way home. I sat with her and read in the back seat while she slept for an hour and a half. It was kinda nice.

We had dinner with our friends Tara and Aaron, then came home and put Val to bed. Just a nice, ordinary Sunday.

I checked e-mail for the first time all weekend after she was asleep. We've re-opened negotiations with the babysitter... I don't want to go into all the details here, but we'll see how things unfold. I think on principle that it's better to try to repair a relationship than to abandon it, usually.

In family news, please think of my uncle Miguel who is going through serious health issues right now.

Babysitter quit. I think it was because of the toilet. Using space heaters until furnace can be replaced.

Furnace is busted. Can't fix.

Random updates

1. Val slept 9 hours straight last night!! Too bad I didn't!! I got up a 1 to pump milk, and at 3 woke up because of a weird smell from the vents - like hot oil. We are going to get the furnace checked out today.


2. That grant application? I'm probably not eligible to apply for it. I may have wasted 5 hours and $30 yesterday.

Let's cheer ourselves up with pictures:

So Tell Me About Your Day...

The voice on NPR describes agonizing cuts in research funding - post-docs and graduate students losing their stipends, labs shutting down - as I drive to the library to print out my research grant application. I notice that the registration on our car expired ten months ago and so try to stay within 10 mph over the posted speed limit. I run into the computer lab, thinking "wouldn't you know, it figures." As I dash from there to the FedEx office, four copies of the application in hand, my cell phone chimes with a text from my husband: "Val asleep, bring pizza, very hungry." Pizza??? I think irritably. Where am I supposed to get a pizza? Why can't he call for delivery? Because the delivery person would ring the doorbell and that might wake her up. I picture my sleeping baby and oh, how I miss her. Almost home.

I spent the last five hours in front of the computer at a coffee shop, hammering out the final details of the application. I'm not so good at details. Even though I was hurt when someone described me to a mutual acquaintance as having my head in the clouds, the shoe fits. So I spent most of my time working on the conceptual framing of the grant application - thinking in grand theoretical strokes, broad abstractions. Language, identity, meaning. I nearly forgot that I had to submit a detailed budget as well. And a bibliography. And my CV. And the cover sheet.

Ok - home now. I creep in the back door as quietly as I can, and slide the frozen pizza onto the counter. I grab a slice of bread and find my husband sitting in the lazy boy with the baby asleep in his arms. I feed him the bread as he catches me up in a whisper on the afternoon and the babysitter's report. So frustrated - baby didn't sleep at all until after 4:30, and then only when held.

I kind of hit a breaking point though when I go to the bathroom and find the toilet bowl filled with crap - Crap! I'd forgotten to flush before leaving the house (see, there's some kind of leak or drip going on, so we turn off the water between flushes, and have to remember to turn it on again when needed)... I think with horror of the babysitter lifting the toilet lid to find... THIS. Then I see the cloth diaper in the bathtub... and remember I'd forgotten to tell her that there were more disposables in the backpack by the door... I feel so defeated. The adrenaline rush from finishing up the grant in time to overnight it by deadline drains from my body. I feel exhausted. How is it that I am so incapable of running a household?

I flush the toilet, then go downstairs to hang up laundry (see, our dryer is busted, so instead of getting it fixed we're line-drying everything...). Upstairs, I draw the curtains - or, rather, the sheets that we are using for curtains - and turn on the oven to heat for the pizza. Baby wakes up. She looks right at me, cries, reaches out her little arms. I gather her up and sit down to nurse her. Here little bare feet are the most precious thing I have ever seen or held. I feel myself begin to relax. And so it is evening, another day.

sleep update

At the risk of boring my readers, but in the interest of documentation, I just want to quickly update the sleep situation: since we got back from Ithaca, Valerie has only been waking up 2-3 times at night. The biggest change we made was to sleep on the floor in our dining room/office. She is now sleeping in our bedroom by herself. The routine that is working well is as follows:

1. The usual bedtime ritual (put away toys, play lullaby CD, bath, pajamas, books), starting around 7:30 p.m.
2. When she is done with the books, she turns towards me and head-butts me in the chest. That is my cue to turn off the light and nurse her.
3. I nurse her until she throws herself back with a stretch and a sigh. That is my cue she is done.
4. I say "time to sleep in your own little bed" and lay her down in the pack-n-play (Terry thought it felt cozier that the crib at this point)
5. She rolls over and goes to sleep, sometime around 8:00 p.m.

Sometimes she gets up and wants another cuddle or to nurse just another minute or two, but from #2-#5 has not taken any longer than 10 minutes since we got back Sunday night. I say 4 nights in a row constitutes a pattern.

The other regularity in the past four nights is that she'll sleep for three hours, then wake up and cry. Terry and only Terry goes in to soothe her back down. This can take from 30 minutes to an hour with varying amounts of crying. He gives her water but not milk. She may wake up one more time 2 hours later, but 2 nights she hasn't, and has slept through until morning.

Between 6 and 7 she wakes up hungry and I nurse her (only on one side, so no more overfeeding to the point of throwing up). We might get another 30-40 minutes' sleep (her, not me) in the lazy boy. When she starts sitting up and cooing/babbling, I figure it's morning and I turn on the lights and open the curtains and we play. At that point Terry goes into the bedroom for another quick sleep until he has to get up for work.

Since I've stopped being the nap nazi, I wait until she's good and ready to go down. Today she was up at about 6:15, and just went down for her nap 4 hours later.

Once we really solidly establish a good night's sleep, we want to move her bedroom upstairs so we can reclaim our room downstairs.

Another Good Night

Yay!

Knock On Wood

I think we may have turned a corner (she whispers, so as not to jinx it).

Last night she only woke up twice! Of course one time she cried for 45 minutes while Terry soothed her before she fell asleep again... but he says it's worth it for the 4.5-hour block of solid sleep we all got before getting up around 7.

I had a feeling that we were approaching a breakthrough when, over the weekend, she started saying "dadada" again. She'd started saying these real syllables some time ago, but it all stopped as soon as we transferred her to the crib. The fact that she started again said something to me about her mental frame of mind. It took two weeks. Two weeks I would not care to re-live again.
Last night Terry admitted that I've been pretty "snarly" lately. I'm beginning to feel more like myself.

Back in the Burg

I wonder how many times I have used that same title for a post?

So we're home again, once again re-configuring our sleep arrangements yet again. Ironically, V. slept really well the night we got home - just like she did the night we arrived in Ithaca. Apparently what it takes to make this baby sleep in long chunks is drive for seven hours and put her to bed late. She did really well in the car, though. Except for the exploding diaper incident on the way home... she traveled the last 45 minutes home in her dad's T-shirt...! It was actually really cute, with her pink hair-bow and black "robe."

Lovely warm day today - went for a walk to the grocery store and she fell asleep in the stroller. Hopefully she wasn't too traumatized when she woke up and found that her babysitter was pushing her instead of me! I handed her over and ran off to a coffeeshop to get some work done...

That darn tooth has still not poked through!!

in 25 words or less

No teeth yet. Friday night Val slept 7 hours straight!!! Not last night though. Is saying "Dadadadada" again. :-) Doc says no ear infection. Whew!

almost....

From the baby who's been crying "tooth!...ha ha, gotcha!" for two months, we have at last visible signs that the top left tooth will most likely make its appearance today, with the right one soon to follow. Whew!

This could be a comment on my approach to sleep training

"Predictably, the revision of analytic frameworks and the development of new theoretical perspectives have tended to lag far behind the sheer restlessness of life."

~ De Genova, Nicholas P. (2002) "Migrant 'Illegality' and Deportability in Everyday Life" in Annual Review of Anthropology, 31:419-47.

perspective

gonna take a break from obsessing about sleep. turning into the nap nazi is not the kind of parent I want to be.

I wish I knew how to post video here - Valerie is doing THE CUTEST thing recently - she figured out the cause-effect connection with things that rattle. Every toy that fits into her hand, she lifts over her head and SHAKA SHAKA SHAKA! If it doesn't rattle she throwns it away and tries the next one. If it does rattle, she'll just beam and shake the thing over and over again. Also she has discovered that balls can bounce - she has a tennis ball and another ball that shell lift and drop (and try to chew on), watch them bounce 3-4 times, then do it over and over again. Also, she kneels really well, can balance a long time on her knees. And, finally, she has learned how to pull off her hat... we're doomed...

stress

Terry thinks he sees improvement, but I'm running on empty. Even two nights away didn't touch my exhaustion. This morning when I came home she nursed until she threw up again. She won't eat anything but cheerios. We're going to take her to the pediatrician on Friday and see if we can get some help there. I'm going to see my therapist this afternoon to talk about how to cope with the stress and frustration I'm feeling. My babysitters keep getting sick. Thank God for Grandma!

Quickie

Going to try to get some serious work done today - I'm sitting in a coffeeshop watching the snow start to fall while Val is home with a babysitter. I had a moment of Zen today that I will write more about some other time. I also had a full (and continuous!) 8 hours of sleep last night... but I still feel every bit as tired as I did yesterday, so I'm going to sleep away from home again tonight (if it's too icy I'll see if I can crash at the neighbors' house - good friends of ours).

So last night she slept well at the beginning and the end, evidently not at all in the middle. Terry is pretty wiped out too. I'll spell him Tues/Weds night while he catches some zzzs.

Here's my new mantra:

I trust my instincts as a mother

to find the balance between comfort and discipline.

Baby Whisperer Day 9: Terry Springs Eternal

For some reason around the house, we started saying "Terry springs eternal" instead of "hope springs eternal," I guess because he's more optimistic than I am, usually. We've also been repeating a quote from Pratchett about not giving people bread today, but bread tomorrow - that will keep them going a lot longer. Anyway.

So I had a long phone confab today with my attatchment Phd friend, and got a picture of how we might do a sort-of "let her cry" approach to wean her of the night waking habit. But for tonight we decided to stick with our Baby Whisperer approach that we've been doing so far. The one change is that I'm going to sleep at my in-laws' house so that I can get a full night's sleep. So yes, no more night nursing. Last night we made it until 5 a.m. then I gave in. She ate and ate and ate and then threw up on me. And then went right to sleep for two more hours.

I am really looking forward to sleeping. Terry is going to hold down the fort here armed only with a bottle of water and the "shush-pat." But then the following night, it's my turn. Medically, she's old enough to go all night without needing to feed.

Right now she's asleep, after the easiest bedtime yet!!! It took only 3 minutes, and I only had to pick her up twice, before she started burrowing into her favorite corner of the crib and then went to sleep. WOW. This is definitely progress.

Milk for Baby

This post is all about the impact of the new sleep regime on breastfeeding, so those not interested in reading about that can skip this one!

The first night that she slept in her crib, I got so engorged I had to go into the kitchen at 3 a.m. and hand-express what I could into a cup. Not the most effective method, but otherwise the sheets were going to absorb the excess. I didn't want to pump because I thought it might be too loud.

Over the week that followed, I realized that since I wasn't nursing her all night long anymore, my supply was really taking a hit. She's still nursing at least 5x a day (I'm counting) but when I tried to pump in between times I got NOTHIN'. That was discouraging. We didn't have any milk to mix with her rice cereal. We finally broke down and bought some formula, so we at least have it at hand should the need arise. Meanwhile, I started drinking Mother's Milk tea again and eating oatmeal for breakfast again.

Just now, I pumped 2.5 oz! So happy!

Oh! And! It's now over two hours into the second nap and she's still sleeping!!! I had to resettle her one more time at 3:00. But I'm so glad - poor baby was so tired!

Baby Whisperer Day 8: Learning

Now that Terry has read some of the material I've been working from, he's helped me fine-tune some of our techniques at key points where I think we'd gone off track.

1. I think I was picking up too soon, when she wasn't actually crying, but more just fussing and complaining. At that point, it's better to rub her back and soothe her than to pick her up.
2. I was also soothing when she wasn't actually upset, just annoyed. This did more to rev her up than calm her down. What she does a lot is get up on all fours, crawl to the side of the crib, and try to stand up. What I was doing at that point was to pick her up to cuddle and soothe her, but she'd fight me - pushing back with arms and legs - so I'd put her down immediately. Well, it's actually better to just lift her and lay her back down saying "time to sleep now."
3. I was walking away from the crib before she was all the way asleep. My rationale was that she needs to learn to fall asleep on her own, right? So I should walk away before she's all the way under. But the result of that was that within 20 minutes - sometimes 5 - she'd be crying to be picked up again. What I did today, instead, was to stay with her, one hand on her back (or side, when she rolled over onto her back) until she was deeply asleep. This took twenty minutes. AHA!!! We learned a long time ago from Harvey Karp of the "Happiest Baby on the Block" fame that it takes a full twenty minutes for a baby to drop into deep sleep. At exactly 20 minutes into her nap today, she startled, gave a little cry, and rolled over onto her tummy. But I was right there instead of off trying to work or nap or do chores, so I just laid my hand on her back and said "it's ok, you can go to sleep, Mommy's right here," and she went back to sleep straight away. This observation supports Weissbluth's claim that a nap under 30 minutes "doesn't count" - ah, of course! If it takes 20 minutes to fall into a deep sleep, then a nap that short isn't really restorative sleep.

There are two more pieces to our action plan that we're going to implement starting today:

1. No more nursing in the bedroom. Anywhere else is fine. This will help me be disciplined about not nursing her to sleep. After all, the first step to helping her learn to fall asleep on her own is teaching her not to depend on the breast to fall asleep. That's been the #1 problem disrupting my sleep since November.
2. Posters detailing exactly the sequence of the wind-down ritual, and PI/PD rules. This sounds excessively anal, I know, but I've been driving myself crazy trying to remember these things in a haze of sleep deprivation and some posted rules will help me. Also the babysitters can follow them when they're here. (Dot, don't worry - we know that Grandma's house is traditionally a haven from mom and dad's rules!) I don't want to be legalistic, but just less anxious about whether I'm doing the correct thing or not.

So. Last night she went down at around 8, woke up 9x, and was up at 6:40.

But... TODAY... she had a good long nap in the morning (9:10-10:45), and is currently 80 minutes into her second nap of the day. YAY!!! Both times, one of us was there to soothe her back to sleep before she fully woke up 20 minutes into the nap. We're going to do the same thing at night: at the first squeak, we'll go soothe her back to sleep instead of waiting until she cries like we have been. If she doesn't wake up all the way, she should go back down easier. Eventually she should go back to sleep without us coming to shush her.

I feel hopeful.

Quote for the Day

"It's been known for many years that the effect of lost sleep accumulates over time...If the sleep disruption is repeated night after night...there is an accumulation of sleepiness that produces in adults continuing increases in headaches, gastrointestinal complaints, forgetfulness, reduced concentration, fatigue, emotional ups and downs, difficulty in staying awake during the daytime, irritability, and difficulty awakening. Not only do the adults describe themselves as more sleepy and mentally exhausted, they also feel more stressed. The stress may be a direct consequence of partial sleep deprivation or it may result from the challenge of coping with increasing amounts of daytime sleepiness."

~Weissbluth, M. (2003) Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child: A Step-By-Step Program For a Good Night's Sleep. New York: Ballantine Books, p. 54.

Baby Whisperer Day 7: and maybe the kitchen sink too...

...so I've read most of the Healthy Habits book, and found it tremendously informative. The dude writes like a German Doctor. Fortunately I've read enough German philosophers and social theorists that in comparison it is very approachable. It just isn't the girlfriends-over-a-cup-of-tea vibe you get from Hogg and Pantley (especially Hogg - which is why I was so sad to learn that she passed away a few years ago; her voice is so reassuring and encouraging, you feel like you could e-mail her and she'd literally show up on your doorstep like Nanny 911 ready to save the day and solve all your problems). I like Weissbluth's research-based approach particularly; Hogg and Pantley do draw on published research but they are much more learn-on-the-job in their approach.

Anyway, one of Weissbluth's researched recommendations is to practice an early bedtime, like around 7 p.m. I have noticed that Valerie's waking time has crept earlier and earlier to around or before 8, and since I started the Log have documented a waking time between 7 and 7:40 a.m. every day. So Weissbluth says that the optimal nap times are around 9 a.m. and 1 p.m., with an optional additional nap around 5 or 6, and bedtime should be around 7.

So we're adding that to the mix, as of last night. We had mixed results: she went down easy at 7:30, but was up again at 8, 9:30, and 10:30. Then she gave us a break until 1. And another break until 3:30. But from then until about 5:30 she was just up and down and up and down. She fell asleep at 5:30 and woke up at 7:00. I got up with her, but she looked soooooo tired! Her eyelids were puffy and heavy, and she kept yawning. Nonetheless, I kept her up until 9 and she went to sleep again at 9:30. Unfortunately it was only a half-hour nap, which Weissbluth says doesn't count.

So here's my big dilemma - nursing to sleep, yes or no? Weissbluth says it's no problem, but you should follow up by leaving them in their cribs for the allotted nap time regardless of whether they wake up and cry or not. Hogg says don't do it, but do go in and pick up/comfort/reassure/put down. Pantley says it's ok, but break the latch right before they're asleep. I've been trying to do Pantley's thing but it really doesn't work for us.

Anyway, I made a nice chart of her sleeping and napping times (see below). While it doesn't reflect her night waking patterns, at least I can see that her nap times have been very irregular. We are going to try to establish more regularity there, but if in 3 days it doesn't at least ameliorate the night waking issue, we may have to try more drastic measures. I really can't go on like this.

Baby Whisperer Day 6: One step forward, two steps back

Last night was kind of a fiasco. Her third nap of the day didn't happen until 6 p.m., but she was so tired that it ended up just segueing directly into night sleep. Except that she went back to her old habit of waking up every hour... At around midnight, she woke up alert and babbling instead of weary and crying, so we changed her diaper, fed her some food and water, and read her bedtime books, all the while keeping things calm and mellow. She went to sleep then, but still kept up with the hourly waking. At 6 a.m. Terry took over the soothing back to sleep/PUPD and I dreamed about zombies chasing me. We got up at 7:30, and I kept her up until around 9 a.m. She ate some mushy pear and bananas with a little rice cereal mixed in. Right now Terry is trying to get her down for her morning nap and she's just not having it. We're supposed to keep trying for 40 minutes and then just let her get up, but I think she'll fall asleep soon. She's just overtired and upset right now.

My goal for today is to establish three good, solid naps so that hopefully she'll be better rested by tonight and do better.

I'm also reading another book I ordered, The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It's a similar approach, but allows for co-sleeping and integrates the Sears approach pretty closely, while Tracy Hogg (the Baby Whisperer) doesn't approve of Sears. Pantley offers some suggestions for co-sleeping safely that might have made it possible for me to continue doing it - you get rid of ALL the blankets, instead keeping warm by bundling up. Mom cuts openings in her pajamas/sweatshirts/parkas for nursing. Pantley says she was able to get her kids to sleep through the night in her bed with her.

I also ordered Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child but have only dipped into it. The prose style is much less engaging than the other two books - a somewhat irrelevant detail, but it does slow down reading. With Pantley and Hogg both, I felt like I was sitting down for coffee with the authors and chatting in person.

Baby Whisperer Day 5: Day and Night

What a difference a night can make - I feel like a new person today. Plus I had help - T. watched her this morning, then she took a long nap, and then went to GG's for the afternoon. I got so much done...

Here's the Log:
Night
9:00 fell asleep
11:00-ish WU PU/PD >10x over 5 min or so
12:00-ish WU PU/PD same
1:00-ish WU PU/PD about 3x, then BF strong both sides, went down easy.
5:00-ish WU BF immediately, went down easy.
7:40 WU PU/PD 5x, gave up, BF, played, eye-rub, tried again

1/28/09 (Wednesday) D5
8:00-8:40 PU/PD lost count x, ended up lying quietly playing with pacifier for last 10 minutes then we got up and she was happy and not tired anymore.
ate mushy pear and banana, drank water, playing with T.
10:47-12:00: nap. PU/PD about 8x over 5 minutes (?) - she wanted very much to nurse, so I let her BF for a few minutes, but then I gave her a pacifier to suck on which she did, while whimpering for a minute or two, then spit it out. I cuddled her one more time, put her down, and she was out.
ate blend of sweet potato, broccoli, avocado, and banana for lunch
played on floor, took to GG's @ about 1:15 p.m.
3:00-3:30 nap @ GG's
snacked on Cheerios

Discussion:

• Tonight I'm not waiting so long to BF, I'll feed her the first time she wakes up.
• She's been eating really well today, and seemed really happy and cheerful all morning.
• The pacifier seems to help her settle down. I give it to her when she wants to suckle but isn't actually eating.
• I really miss side-lying nursing her to sleep.
• I don't miss spending the whole night contorting my body and blankets in awkward configurations around her (she doesn't like having any sheets or blankets touching her hands when she sleeps). I love being able to just haul the blankets up around my shoulders, roll over onto my stomach, and go to sleep. Love, love, love it. Adore it, in fact. Willing to forego aforementioned side-lying nursing for it. Call me cold, but there it is. I'm a better mother when I am somewhat rested.

Baby Whisperer Days 3 & 4: Contemplating

So. Monday was awesome, Tuesday has been ROUGH. But I think we are on our way back into sanity.

First in log notation, then in narrative/discussion form:

1/26/09 (Monday)
7:30 WU babbling, ready to play
BF strong both sides, about 10 min. Offered cereal/cheerios, not into it
8:30 sleepy cues. Played another 1/2 hour until def. sleepy.
9:15-10:40: nap, PU/PD 14x over 15 minutes. Left room a couple times when she was babbling, standing, not crying. Returned immediately when cried.
BF strong, not into food.
12:00-1:00 @ GG's. Not into food. Rooting.
BF strong @ 1:00ish, drove home crying v. tired.
1:15-3:20 nap. PU/PD 7x over 5 minutes
2:20 WU, resettled PU/PD 4x over 3 minutes
BF, ate food, played, BF again 2x; acted tired all through; tried to put down at 4:30 or so to no avail.
got up at 5 to play. BF, ate a lot of mushy pear, water, fed self cheerio! :-)
5:26-6:10: nap, PU/PD about 10x? over 11 minutes
went to Trek @ Martins', fed her a handful of Cheerios one by one.
8:50-ish started wind-down
9:20 PU/PD 15x over 20 minutes, much less crying

So. Trends of note: two good long naps in the day, during which I did not need to re-settled her down in the middle! I was so deliriously happy about this that I spent both chunks of time on the computer instead of napping myself, which turned out in retrospect to be a serious error in judgement/strategy. The proverbial chickens came home to roost today. But more on that later.

Another thing I noticed was that since we started this process, she has regressed somewhat in terms of eating solid food, but wants to BF a lot more. Yesterday she didn't eat any solid food until after 4 p.m. I don't know if it's because I am nursing her less during the night (twice at most), or just a general retrenchment in the face of this big New Thing we are doing. Also, the first day she was a little extra clingy with me, but not the second or third day. And the third thing I've noticed is that she seems to be talking a little bit less than she was, but that may just be my impression; I haven't really been monitoring her vocalizations that closely.

What I did notice on Monday was that generally she was really happy, seemed very content, fussed less during diaper and clothing changes, also less fussing in the car seat. I wonder if she's been sort of chronically overtired in the past few weeks?

Ok, now Tuesday (today), Day Four of the new sleep regime:
Night
9:20 to bed; PU/PD 15x over 20 minutes, much less crying
11:20 PU/PD 1x
1:43 PU/PD 9x over 25 minutes, from wide awake/playing/babbling
2:20 restless, thump, cry - PU/PD 1x
2:45 or so, WU, BF, fell asleep around 3 (put down when almost out)
6:00 ish, WU, BF, PU/PD 1x

1/27/09 (Tuesday) D4
7:00 WU, got up instead of extending sleep even though she seemed tired still.
BF, cheerios, huge poop, v. tired
8:10 begin wind-down
8:20 in crib, awake, wanting to play, lost count of PU/PD, after 40 min got up again
BF, ate mushy pears, played
9:30 seemed v. tired, begin wind-down again
9:50-10:20: nap, PU/PD 12x over 10 minutes
*working on the soothing part of wind-down.
BF, ate cereal w/ avocado, cheerios, seemed tired and sleepy yet.
12:00-1:15: nap/interrupted
12:30 WU, resettled
1:00 WU, resettled
1:15 just got up and BF
ate some cheerios and cereal, drank a lot of water, played, skyped GGP
3:30-5:30: nap. PU/PD 2x, she went down quick!!
4:00 WU, PU/PD 7x, noticed she was pulling her left ear and shaking head hard.

Discussion:
On the chart it looks like she woke up five times in the night, but the section from 1:45 a.m. to 3 a.m. was just kind of all one jack-in-the-box up and down. I missed the hungry cue at the beginning of that period; when I finally did nurse her she went right down. We had two 2-hour blocks and one 3-hour block but I was still very tired at 7 when we got up.

I should have tried to get her to sleep a little longer, extending the night sleep for at least another hour, but it was a snow day and I wanted to let Terry sleep in a little longer, and the thought of another half-hour PU/PD session just made me tired. So I just took her out into the living room. This kind of threw our whole day off kilter, as she wasn't done sleeping and so spent the next hour rubbing her eyes intermittently. So I tried to put her down for a nap just after 8, to no avail - after 40 minutes I gave up (as per Baby Whisperer protocol). We tried again an hour later and she took a half-hour nap. I could/should have tried to extend that nap too, but again I was just tired and frustrated so we got up and fed her and whatnot, but she was still very tired.

By noon I was about DONE IN. Tired to the point of tears. I put her down and tried to nap while she napped, but she woke up every 1/2 hour, and in between I had to get up to use the bathroom, so with one thing and another I got no nap at all. It was very frustrating.

So then we did our afternoon thing - ate, played, skyped with Grandma and Grandpa Phelps in LA (that was fun!). At 3:30 she rubbed her eyes and I immediately called nap. She went down really fast and easy. I lay down myself as well, but at 4 she was up again. I resettled her to sleep again and at that point gave up on getting any rest myself today. Figures that at that point she finally DID take a long extended nap, an hour and a half! I took a bath and then got my turn on the computer b/c Terry was done working (he was home for the snow day, and I didn't have my babysitter for same reason).

Right now she is playing on the floor behind me and Terry is cleaning off the car to possibly take her to Grandma and Grandpa Jantzi's. Maybe I will get a nap yet.

Further Thoughts

• The measure to which I am re-training her is matched by the measure to which I am re-training myself. Changing my ingrained parenting habits is no small undertaking. Keeping in mind the principles of the new regime is a challenge, but more important than just mastering the procedures/techniques/rules.
• There's no way I could do this and be working full-time at the same time. I have this little window of time right now before I start my A-exams in earnest next week. It had better be working by then is all I have to say.

Baby Whisperer Day 2: Tentatively Thrilled...

To be fair to Ferber, I have read a little more and learned that this method does not wholesale advocate abandoning your child to his or her tears. But the big difference between Ferber and Tracy Hogg (the original "Baby Whisperer") is that in Hogg's method, you always pick up the crying child. You never leave him or her to cry alone. You comfort, then put down again, using your voice and a hand on the back to reassure the baby. On the other hand, Hogg does agree with Ferber's notion that the child needs to learn to put him or herself to sleep without depending always on nursing, rocking, swinging, etc. to fall asleep.

Now. I have a few more things to say about our household debates about the use of sleep props, as opposed to "wind-down" techniques. But I'll save that for tomorrow's post. Meanwhile, here is my Valerie sleep log from the past two days, with some comments/analysis after.

Key to abbreviations: WU = woke up
PU/PD = picked up, put down
BF = breastfeeding (nursing)
GG= Grandma and Grandpa's

1/24/09 (Saturday)
7:30 wake up
9:00-9:30 nap in stroller
11:00-11:30 attempted PU/PD, but she didn't fall asleep; she sat up and wanted to play, so we went back out to living room.
1:24-2:36 nap in crib: PU/PD 4x
3:30 went to play at GG's
4:30-5:00 nap in GG's crib
play, eat @ restaurant
8:30-9:00 PU/PD 59x over 30 minutes to sleep in crib

Night
9:45 stirred, didn't wake up
WU, PU/PD 4-8x over 5-10 minutes each time:
10:45
11:50
1:17 - nursed about 5 minutes
2:20
3:50 - nursed about 10 minutes
4:45
5:45 sat up and started babbling, wanted to play. Took her out but she was v. tired.
6:45 PU/PD 8x over 5-10 minutes, slept 45 min.

1/25/09 (Sunday)
7:30 WU babbling and wanting to play.
showed signs of sleepiness off and on throughout morning; not too interested in food, but nursed a lot (very awake) and drank a lot of water. Big poop.
11:00-11:30 nap, PU/PD 1x after nursing to drowsiness, very nearly asleep (probably a little too long)
lunch, then out to eat w/ D&V
1:50-2:20 nap in Vern's arms and car seat (didn't nurse to sleep, but did rock to sleep)
home, played, nursed
4:15- nap in crib, PU/PD 26x for 35 minutes prior
4:45 WU, resettled PU/PD 4-5x over 10 minutes
5:35 WU, resettled PU/PD 13x over 10 minutes
6:30 WU
play/eat (not into eating)
7:30 meltdown; started winding down for bed
(clean up toys, draw bath, undress, wait for Terry to get home to help)
while waiting for T., BF strong for 10 min at least, then she ate ALL her dinner
8:00 bath, continued bedtime ritual (put on PJs, read books, cuddle and sing lullaby)
9:02 PU/PD 17x over 25 minutes to sleep in crib

Night
1:15-ish WU, PU/PD 5x, 2x, 5x over 15 minutes
2:15 WU, PU/PD 1x!!!
3:00 WU, PU/PD about 5x? BF strong, both sides, 10 minutes
6:17 WU, PU/PD about 15x (lost count) over 25 minutes to extend night sleep
(slept another 45 minutes!) Note: v. engorged; hand-expressed about 1/2 oz.

1/26/09 (Monday)
7:30 WU babbling, ready to play
BF strong both sides, about 10 min. Offered cereal/cheerios, not into it
8:30 sleepy cues. Played another 1/2 hour until def. sleepy.
9:00-[still napping at time of post] : nap, PU/PD 14x over 15 minutes. Left room a couple times when she was babbling, standing, not crying. Returned immediately when cried.

Observations:

• Notice that the first night she woke up seven times, nearly every hour, and we got up very early. But the second night, she woke up only four times!
  
• Even better? Notice that the longest sleep period during the first night was about 90 minutes. But the second night? Nearly FOUR HOURS!!! Except for one time last week when she was just getting over her ear infection, this is the first time she or I have slept that long in MONTHS.
  
• Finally, notice that the first night it took 30 minutes and 59 times picking her up before she went to sleep on her own. But the second? Only 17 times, in 25 minutes.
  

so big!!

wearing sweater my mom made

high chair!

whispering to the baby

So I'm doing it: at the recommendation of a friend whose PhD is in attatchment theory, I'm trying the Baby Whisperer approach. No, not trying - there is no try: there is do, or do not. I'm fully committed, no turning back.

The books came on Thursday, I read them Friday, we set up the crib, and Saturday we began. Friday night was her last night in our bed. At 2 a.m. I looked at her sweet little face sleeping so gently next to me, and felt sad... at 5 a.m. I was like "can I put her in the crib now? How about... now? Ok, now?"

The sleep deprivation has been relentless. Friday morning at 5 a.m., after fruitless two hours of trying to settle her back to sleep, she and I were both crying and I told Terry, "I can't do this anymore." For probably close to two months she's been waking me up every hour, sometimes every twenty minutes, wanting to suckle back to sleep. It's just unsustainable.

So the basic principles of Baby Whispering are: establish a daily rhythm of eat, activity, and then sleep, and teach baby to put herself to sleep in her own bed. This is done by putting her down drowsy but still awake, and then practicing "pick up/put down" every time she cries until she falls asleep on her own. You don't leave her to cry it out, in the infamous Ferber method, but you stay with her, keep a hand on her back, and talk quietly to her the whole time. It's supposed to take 3-5 days to work.

I will keep y'all posted on how it goes!

Breaking News (*edited)

Yesterday was significant on a national level (and man oh man was I one happy camper!) but also for Babycakes - she pulled herself up to standing three times! Once on Daddy, and twice on the ugly old orange chair in our living room! Go Babycakes!

*edited to add: I was reminded today that she also pulled herself up to standing on Grandpa at some point during the inauguration festivities, which is why I missed that one!

I need to download photos... soon... meanwhile, here's one courtesy of a friend (hence not at our house):

the Baby Diaries

My SIL calls her our "people-puppy" and indeed she is up to a number of new tricks.
She is very intent on mastering the pincer-grasp, which is the ability to pick up small objects with thumb and forefinger. Unfortunately she also practices this on ME, especially while nursing. I have little red welts all over my chest.
It's fascinating to hear her expand her verbal repertoire. She started out with "Bababababa," and recently added "Bfff, bfff, bfff." This is now usually her first "word" in the morning, in place of the long, drawn-out "AAaaaaaaaAAAaaAAa"s that we used to refer to as "singing." Last night she added TWO new "words" - "Ananananana," and (closely related) "Adadadada"!
For several months she has also been making a clicking sound with her tongue behind her front top gums (where her front teeth will be), followed by a sound kind of like "goioioioing" in the back of her throat. Sounded a bit like a frog. I finally figured out how she was doing it, as I experimented until I could imitate it (although mine sounds different because my mouth is bigger and I have teeth): she makes a pocket of air between her tongue and palate, then pushes the air out the back of the pocket and down into the back of her throat in a series of little bubbles.
So in addition to "Precious" I can now call her "Gollum" too :-).

eight months old today! In words

Valerie, you are eight months old today! It was a good day; you are feeling much better from your recent ear infection - your appetite is back, and you are sleeping much better as well (in 3-hour stretches, instead of 1-hour or 20-minute stretches as you had been recently...). You were happy today playing with your new babysitter. You have mastered crawling in the past two weeks, and are showing us all the things we need to baby-proof around the house. You want to pull yourself up to standing but can only get as far as your knees. You are fascinated by things that move and make noise: balls, rattles, and bells. And you looooove doggies. You laugh and giggle when I take you next door to look at the doggie Kai, and your eyes go straight to the doggie calendar Grammy gave us when we walk into the kitchen. You love the little toy dog that goes "ruff ruff!" And, of course, your favorite book is Doggies.

You don't love: being strapped into anything (car seat, high chair...), being dressed (stuffing limbs into tubes!), taking your meds - you've mastered the art of pressing your lips together while crying...

You appear to recognize the words: party, bath, walk, Daddy, Mommy, doggie, snozzle (the bulb syringe), and "quieres mas?"

We love you to distraction and hang on your every word.

eight months old! a photo retrospective

Where we're at

So, in response to Rachel's questions - I'm not done with school, just with classes. Which means I don't have to be on campus anymore, but it will still be 2.5 more years until I finish my degree. This semester I'll be taking my qualifying exams long-distance, and working on my research proposal. Also applying for research funding. (Bleah.) I plan to start my research over the summer, concluding in June next year. Then I analyze my data and write my dissertation. Ta-da! PhD! :-)

So, for the foreseeable future, we're all together as a family. I have vacated my apt. in Ithaca, but still have a lease on it until the end of May... tried to find a sub-letter, hasn't worked out yet.

Oh, and I am still knitting... I just keep forgetting to take pictures of it! I sent three pairs of socks to Savannah, and am currently working on a fourth pair. It was supposed to be a Christmas present... I just turned the heel on a tweedy brown men's sock, that has a cable pattern along one side. It's going really fast... awesome.

Just for the record, if it weren't for my mother-in-law, I'd be toast right now. Trying to get anything done these days with the Little One-One climbing up my legs is nearly impossible. Thanks Dot!!!

Back to Blogging

It took us four days to travel across the country by train, three days to see my lovely friend C. get married in Yosemite, and another four days to get back to the East Coast. During that time I think I had internect connection twice. We spent Christmas Day in Union Station in Chicago, cold and bored, and I got food poisoning from (I think) a half dozen chicken wings. Then we had five days to pack up my NY apartment before driving south on New Year's Day. It was an eventful end to 2008. Little V. handled it all with equanimity. She is currently fighting an ear infection (boooo!), practicing her new-found crawling skillz, and declaiming "Bababababa!" I'm trying to figure out all our new systems here. Today the dryer broke. It's great having doting grandparents nearby!!!

more Savannah pics

We took a walk down along the river where it was cold but sunny, and saw the warehouses where the boats used to offload their cotton cargo. A refurbished replica of an old-fashioned sailing ship was open to public tours - pretty sweet!

Mama Irma, here are all your girls!
(Note Valerie is wearing the sweater Tara knitted - yay!)

6 month stats

Length: 27.25 inches (85th percentile)

Weight: 16 lbs even! (40th percentile)

head circumference: 17.25 inches

New milestone: sitting up by herself!!

Thanksgiving 2008, Savannah

I have so many awesome pictures, I don't even know where to start...
Or rather, I'm not sure when I'll be able to stop! But here are a few to start with:

Thanksgiving Day preparations at Anita and David's house:

Enjoying the sunshine and 65-degree weather at the local playground:

Cousins!

Bonding with Uncle David:

"No, you can't be in charge of the stuffing. Maybe next year."

"Bye-bye! See you soon!"

FIRST TOOTH!

Last night at about 11:00 we were trying to get Valerie to go to sleep (again... she WAS asleep at about 10:30, for all of like 20 minutes...) I put my knuckle in her mouth and I felt a sharp little prick! We got out the flashlight and sure enough! One sharp little tooth emerging from the lower left gum...
Aw... I felt all teary-eyed... my little baby growing up so fast :-)

more val pics

Obama Mama

YES WE CAN!

Anthropology of Sleep

You know, the sleep schedule would be perfect if:

1) I didn't have to get up at 7 a.m. to teach two mornings a week. Because Val goes to sleep late, this means I am very short on sleep those mornings.

2) We didn't have department colloquium from 3:30-5:00 on Fridays. Because this is prime naptime, I have't been to colloquium in months. It's not a huge deal, but socializing at department events is just good professional practice.

3) She was SURE to go to sleep by 11. Lately she's been pretty consistent. But the nights when she won't go to sleep until after midnight are killers.

Other than that, the only issue I have is that it doesn't seem "normal!" For a baby to go to bed that LATE! And I wonder if we're being bad parents!!!!!

I used to think it was hilarious that there exists a society for the anthropology of sleep, but now I totally get it. Sleep is a natural human need, but there is so much about how we do it that is culturally contingent. Just think about it. T. came back from four years in Africa with the habit of taking naps under his desk or on the grass outside (when warm) whenever he felt like it and people thought it was really weird, but for him it had become normal.

My Granda Beth told me once, "don't ever let anyone make you feel guilty for needing a lot of sleep." She needed more sleep than Grandpa, but he liked her to get up and retire for the night at the same times he did. So she got into the habit of taking a mid-day nap. People would give her a hard time for it, like she was being lazy. But when left to my own devices, I tend to feel best with 9-10 hours a night. I am perfectly capable of sleeping for 11 hours straight. Once I slept for 14 hours straight. I think there is a genetic component at work.

Well, I'm certainly not getting 9 hours a night now; 8 at best, and always interrupted. But it's not so bad. It's doable. Less than that, however, is pretty rough.

Playgroup

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile; I had a major deadline yesterday that had me nose to the proverbial grindstone with not much extra energy or extra computer time.

Today we went to brunch with our long-neglected playgroup; they tend to meet right during Val's afternoon naptime. The good thing about playgroup is socializing with other new parents, seeing the development of babies a few months older than V, getting ideas about things to try with her and learning new information.

The downside of playgroup is that I start second-guessing myself about everything. Feeding, sleeping, diapering... We finally bought two diaper covers yesterday to test-drive with the cloth diapers; she's outgrown the ones we have and we've only been using the disposables for a long time. Not that there's been consensus in the household about that anyway... it's hard to cloth diaper if only one parent is into the idea. Anyway, there seems to be more interest in it now. But the sheer variety of diapering options out there is mind-numbing... paralyzing... sometimes it's easier just to do what you've been doing.

Val seems so thin compared to some of the other babies. She definitely likes her rice cereal and is into eating from a spoon. We want to get a food grinder to mush up stuff for her but haven't been able to find out yet. I hear you can get them at Greenstar though - one thing we learned at playgroup today :-) I worry that I'm not feeding her enough.

And then there's SLEEP - the big one. She's kind of on our night-owl schedule. It seems like all the other babies go to sleep between 6 or 7 p.m., but V. goes to sleep between 10 and 11. Then she sleeps until about 9 a.m. Of course, she nurses up to 4 times during the night. Now that she's back in bed with us, I don't really wake up all the way and I actually feel more rested in the morning than when she was sleeping in the crib and I'd get up twice in the night to feed her. But anyway, I wonder if we're messing up her circadean rhythm by keeping this weird schedule? Can we really shift her schedule earlier? She takes a long nap between 4-8. Sometimes she falls asleep at 6 or so, and can sleep until 9, but then she wakes up for at least 2 hours, sometimes more. There have been nights when she wouldn't go to sleep again until 1 or 2 a.m. Which is crazy-making. But we'd definitely have to do some things differently if we wanted to change her schedule.

musing

There's been a lot of buzz in my playgroup circle and among friends about this book written by women scientists on combining a career in science with motherhood. I liked this quote (lifted from a review):

“Bringing up a child and bringing up a career are remarkably similar. ... They are often exhausting, sometimes heartbreaking, rarely predictable, but tremendously rewarding. Motherhood is the grandest experience. Don’t miss out. And remember that you are not alone in your eternal quest for balance.”

A good day

This was a couple weeks ago when it was still quite warm out, but I'll let it be representative of the great walk we had this afternoon with T-Dad. V. really likes facing out in the bjorn like this; she fusses if I carry her facing in. She's starting to eat rice cereal but did not like the baked apple I tried out on her last week - not much, anyway. Sweet potato is up next! I worry a bit b/c she seems thin to me - even though she's got those great cheeks and some nice chub on her legs, when I lift her up under the arms I can feel her rib cage and shoulder blades. I'd like her to have a little more padding!

Everybody else is sleeping, why amn't I?

Now I lay me down not to sleep
I just get tangled in the sheets
I swim in sweat three inches deep
I just lay back and claim defeat

Chapter read and lesson learned
I turned the lights off while she burned
So while she's three hundred degrees
I throw the sheets off and I freeze

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won't sleep
I countdown, I look around

Who needs sleep?
(well you're never gonna get it)
Who needs sleep?
(tell me what's that for)
Who needs sleep?
(be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War)

My hands are locked up tight in fists
My mind is racing filled with lists
of things to do and things I've done
Another sleepless night's begun

There's so much joy in life,
so many pleasures all around
But the pleasure of insomnia
is one I've never found
With all life has to offer,
There's so much to be enjoyed
But the pleasures of insomnia
are ones I can't avoid

~ courtesy of Barenaked Ladies (that's the name of a band)

total cuteness

This is what makes it worth it all.

5 months

So baby Val-Val celebrated turning 5 months by NOT SLEEPING. Well, she DID sleep - all day on the 15th. I should have known better than to let her sleep past 8 p.m., but I was finally able to get some WORK done, so when she stirred at 8 I nursed her and she fell back to sleep, and I let her keep sleeping... until 9. Not a good idea.

At 11:30, she fell asleep nursing in my arms. When I tried to put her down, she woke up. WIDE awake.

At 12:30, I said ok that's it - time for the "Happiest Baby" CD (loud industrial noises that miraculously put babies to sleep). At 1:02 she was asleep; I put her down and she WOKE UP AGAIN.

By 2 a.m., I was sobbing. By 2:30, she was asleep again. FINALLY.

At 3:30, she woke up crying. I brought her into bed with me and we both fell asleep for...THREE... blessed hours.

At 6:30, she woke me up to nurse again. I re-set the alarm from 7:20 to 7:50.

When I picked her up to take her with me to class at 8:20, she woke up again.

Two short naps this morning.

Sometime between 1 and 2 we both conked out and slept for 2 hours. I finally feel (sort of) human again.

I wish I knew what to do to help her sleep at night better. One thing is for sure: no napping past 8 p.m.

fall in ny

quickie

Just a quick little post to say yes, we're still here! Here's your moment of cuteness for the day:

Huh?

At around 8 or 9 this evening I realized that I feel neither overwhelmed nor exhausted, just a little tired. This is unusual for a Wednesday night - but I like it!

In Val news: she now rolls over, plays with her feet, and has discovered the rattle on the excersaucer we bought.